Lee Mack quotes from QI

Stephen Fry

At school, we used to do what we called quad hockey, which is like a polo, only on bikes. You use a hockey stick and a ball, and you just go round on, um…

Bill Bailey

On quad bikes?

Stephen Fry

No, not on quad bikes. In a quad. In a quadrangle.

Bill Bailey

You were playing hockey in a quadrangle? You had a very different sort of schooling to a lot of us.

Stephen Fry

Why? How is that different?

Lee Mack

Well, in my school, we used to set fire to cars. In an octangle.

Lee Mack

You can't damn it and damn it and double damn it. You could damn it and damn it and triple damn it.

Stephen Fry

Yeah. That was his mistake.

Bill Bailey

[eyeing David] ...chairman of the pedantic society.

Lee Mack

Vice chairman actually. [grins]

Stephen Fry

What's the oldest trick in the book?

Lee Mack

Debbie McGee.

The oldest trick in the book is pulling the head off a dead goose and then restoring it.

Lee Mack

I can do the first half of that trick.

Lee Mack

I'm not surprised that they're endangered, because clearly they aren't mating, are they? They're looking at each other and going: "I'd rather not!"

Stephen Fry

It is dark, remember.

Alan Davies

All the ugly ones come out in the dark.

Lee Mack

That's how Jimmy mates. "I'm happy to do it, luv, but it'll have to be with the lights off."

Jimmy Carr

I can't believe your wife told you that.

Stephen Fry

Who finished off Russia’s greatest love machine?

Lee Mack

Boney M.