I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to.
Then never ask your boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.
I don't have a sister.
How about a boyfriend?
S1 E8Shawn vs. The Red Phantom
Dude. Some guy in a wolf costume with a light saber just said hi to you.
[evasive] I don't know that guy.
He looked right at you.
He was mistaken.
He said, 'Hi, Gus.' And then, another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.
My water just broke.
Are you sure?
No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason!
Oh no... Oh, can you move my briefcase?
Wait, was this the movie you dragged me to where the hero had big nipples on the outside of his costume?
HKHiltz Kooler
[quietly] Damn those nipples!
[chuckles] They were like big, angry marshmallows!
Let me get this straight. You pulled me out of work to investigate a case, which is not a case, in which we probably won't get paid?
Who are you kidding? I pulled you out of a Starbucks where you were pretending to finish your route you actually finished yesterday, so we could do a small favor for Juliet, that will grant us much larger favors in the future! Preferably ones that can't be mentioned in the presence of nuns or men of God.
S1 E9Forget Me Not
What are you doing? We don't know anything about delivering warthog babies.
Ah, babies are babies. You just pull it out at the right time. The real question is, are you allergic to placenta?
[cut to another part of the zoo; Gus is running away from the warthog pen, hand over his face]
Oh God, my eyes!
Captain Conners, how are you sir?
CConners
[He has memory problems] Look at you fellas, all grown up. How long's it been?
About a day.
Less, actually.
Simba, I am your father.
I don't think Mufasa has ever said that
Mufasa, Vader, I'm Not Rappaport, it's all James Earl Jones.
He is very forgiving of others. For instance just the other day, I spilled the hot cocoa all over his genitals, and I say "I'm sorry", and everything is fine.
[in a fake Swedish accent] Maybe it's because all of California is on the diet. Yes? All the surfing boys and the model girls.
S1 E10From the Earth to Starbucks
Hello Ladies and Gentleman, [dramatic music] I will be your narrator. My name is Aurora... Borealis! There are over four... hundred stars in our galaxy, maybe more. No one knows for sure. Many have said the universe is even larger than the Indian ocean, that is why it is called Infinitum Staroctopussium. [constellations come up] Ah yes, our glorious constellations, take a look. Over here we have... one with a guy... holding some sort of... thing. Over here, our beloved Olympic rings, all seven of them. And here, here's one with a fish.
VVernon
You gotta name them.
Notice straight, straight above you, the Hammer of Jeff. And over there to the south--
VVernon
North.
--North, you will see Monkey with Rash. The Egyptians used to set their clocks by it. [comet crosses the sky] Oh look, there goes an asteroid.
VVernon
Comet.
Comet. It's what they named that cleaning solution after. I know it may stink if you leave it in the sink, but boy, oh boy, does it clean.
There is something I've got to get off my chest.
Is it your shirt? Please say no.
Heard about Pluto? That's messed up.
Can I tell you a secret?
I wouldn't recommend it, no.
[Over PA system]
The jackal has arrived.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Psych pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.