Wow Nicole. I'm impressed that you recognized these as condoms while totally sober.
S1 E8Tonight's the Night
[Harrison hands the hotel clerk a drivers license]
HCHotel Clerk
Fake?
[Harrison nods]
HCHotel Clerk
Virgin?
[Harrison nods]
HCHotel Clerk
Hooker?
[Harrison shakes 'No']
HCHotel Clerk
Can you pay for the room?
[Harrison hands him the money]
HCHotel Clerk
[gives him the keys] There you go.
Mom, we have Cinemax. We don't need to discuss sex.
Sam's right. For once. With books, the internet, Lil' Kim videos, we're really educated.
S1 E9Wild Wild Mess
RMiss Ross
We need to respect the Janitors' protest until their concerns are addressed.
They don't want to be addressed. I offered to buy that fat, bald one a new push-broom. He barked at me.
Wow, this is harsh!
What?! You think I'm pregnant?
No. I think I have the same social life as Urkel. Do you realize I haven't had a date in 17 days?
Damn, ya'll even got Principal Hall to back Gwyneth.
Loosely.
She thought she was signing a hall pass. [laughs]
When did you speak to him?
Why didn't you come get us?
Where was he calling from?
What was he buying her?
Ten Minutes ago. Shoes. Gucci... and I lost him at the escalator.
Did she call yet?
Not yet, but my brother Felix says it's impotent.
FFelix
Imminent!
S1 E10Fall on Your Knees
EEmory
Miss Glass, there's a cat hair in my fruit cake, awesome!
Look, I've tried getting help, OK? But I'm always smarter than the therapist they send me to.
Sure, I'll put Carm on the squad -- when hell freezes over and/or Melissa Joan Hart gets nominated for an Oscar.
S1 E11Ex, Lies and Videotape
[After Carmen hits April Tuna with a car during her driving test]
GGodfrey
I think you just killed a girl. That's gonna cost you some points.
I cannot work this way.
Fine, quit! Go back to cheerleading.
Y'know what? Don't even get your hopes up. I would fire you before I quit. Now Harrison-
You can't fire me Brooke. 'Cos you're fired.
You can't fire me, I quit! But y'know- ... Shh!... One more thing Sam, You're fired!
What? [both storm off in opposite directions]
[on camera, explaining why they erased the tape about Josh] ...we'll be able to sleep at night.
Well, at least Sam will be able to. She snores - the doorframe literally rattles.
Brooke talks in her sleep-the most exotic fantasies...
Moving on...
I'm Sam McPherson...
and I'm Brooke McQueen, reporting for EnterTEENment Today.
Oh, don't worry honey. I took that same exact test, and my results said 'Mary Cherry, you are destined to become a serial killer'!
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