Sam McPherson quotes from Popular

Sam

Cancel my subscription, Brooke. I'm over your issues.

Sam

Mom, Principal Hall will probably be calling tomorrow. My Journalism Faculty Adviser got framed for sex with a student...The student being me! [Jane spits out her wine] Don't worry, I'm innocent.

Sam

[to Brooke] Why do you need so many products? With all the lotions and potions you use, it's a wonder your face doesn't just slide off down the drain.

Sam

So how was your summer Carm?

Carmen

Oh galactically brutal. My Mom sent me to fat camp again, so basically I spent six weeks starving and singing Kumbayah.

Carmen

When we were little, we used to invite everyone in our class.

Sam

When we were little, we used to eat Play-Doh.

Nicole

We've managed to clear our schedules.

Sam

Wow, did Satan find somebody else to guard the gates of Hades that night?

Brooke

Don't you ever get tired of hating me?

Sam

Sometimes, but then I remind myself that you're a liar and that you and your father are ruining my life and that pretty much gets me back on track.

Nicole

Oh, Hey Spam.

Sam

Hey Satan.

Brooke

This lamp is going in over my dead body.

Sam

Well, fine. Glad to help you out. [to movers] Hey, Boys. Back it up slow. Brooke, there's, gonna lay under the back tires.

I'm not going to be one of those parents that lives in denial.

Sam

Please be one of those parents.

Sam

Mom, we have Cinemax. We don't need to discuss sex.

Brooke

Sam's right. For once. With books, the internet, Lil' Kim videos, we're really educated.

Brooke

I cannot work this way.

Sam

Fine, quit! Go back to cheerleading.

Brooke

Y'know what? Don't even get your hopes up. I would fire you before I quit. Now Harrison-

Sam

You can't fire me Brooke. 'Cos you're fired.

Brooke

You can't fire me, I quit! But y'know- ... Shh!... One more thing Sam, You're fired!

Sam

What? [both storm off in opposite directions]

Sam

[on camera, explaining why they erased the tape about Josh] ...we'll be able to sleep at night.

Brooke

Well, at least Sam will be able to. She snores - the doorframe literally rattles.

Sam

Brooke talks in her sleep-the most exotic fantasies...

Brooke

Moving on...

Sam

I'm Sam McPherson...

Brooke

and I'm Brooke McQueen, reporting for EnterTEENment Today.

Hello Harrison John. Though you are not the dream boy I have bondage fantasies about... that would be the hard bodied Stone Cold... You would be an adequate setting for the fiery ruby that is April Tuna. Please pick me up Friday at 8 o'clock with expensive hothouse corsage in hand.

Sam

You know what April? You're too late, I snagged him first.

Hey, sorry April.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure if you're Alpha male for me anyway, you scrawny Beta Harrison John.

Ouch, rejected by April Tuna…

Brooke

Mature? You? Please. You're still wear training bras.

Sam

Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle flat.