Piano teacher, John and others in “Bodies”

Let's try again.

I don't wanna sing like that.

We don't want him sounding like Mario Lanza.

What do you want to sound like?

Well, I mean, I was thinking of a kind of Bowie-ish... Elvis Presley sort of sound, with maybe a dash of Alice Cooper.

Shut up, Malcolm!

Perhaps it might be best if you waited outside.

No, John needs...

Wait outside or I'll shove Beethoven's head up your arse!

Okay. Now, I'll just be outs...

Out!

When I was young, I wanted to sing like Maria Callas. She's an opera singer.

I know who Callas is. Greek. One of the greatest. Bit of a diva.

I'm impressed.

Why? Because I look like a shabby little moron who don't know a treble clef from a cleft palate?

Not at all. I don't, by the way. No need to.

You're going to tell me that after wasting your youth trying to be UK Callas, you finally realised that the only person you could be was... you, and that realization brought you true happiness, et cetera, et cetera.

Bugger! You've guessed my best trick.

Thank you. But that sentiment is of no use to me. Last night I was myself. But hearing myself was a bloody nightmare. If you don't want to sing, then don't.

Performing's not for everyone. Perhaps it's not for you.