Bakery called this in. It needs to go on that truck right there.
Well easy, breezy, beautiful...that's a Covergirl slogan, I didn't mean to say that.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It's not that bad. Nobody got hurt.
It's extremely bad! I love this woman, and I just wanna show her that I'm capable of watching her children without something horrible happening. [Ann's mouth is open] What?!
Did you just say you love Diane?
No. I did not.
Yes you did! That is so cute!
For God's sake, Hanson, will you please focus on the larger problem!
ZIZoey & Ivy
[singing] Oooooo! Ron loves mommy! Ron Loves mommy!
Girls! Girls! I don't know what you think you heard but please don't tell your mother what you incorrectly think you heard.
[singing] Ron loves mommy! [the girls join in]
I LOVE NOTHING! [runs out]
[giggles as Ron runs past]
Those guys suck okay! We have to prove them wrong! Look all we have to do is get some PCP, you can move anything on Angel Dust. My cousin Hestin, he beat up five cops on that stuff.
Ann is giving up on love and deciding to have a baby with herself. And she has only been dating herself for six weeks. If she was dating a guy for six weeks, and they decided to have a kid, I'd be like, "Congratulations, Ann... and Channing Tatum." Because that is the only scenario that would make sense to me.
There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.
[trying to pick a caterer for his wedding] Tom, what about you?
Caterer number one's presentation was simple, mm, yet exhausting. Number two's was subtle and provocative, like a coy dutch woman guarding a dark secret.
Nothing you're saying is helpful.
But number three's told a story- a story from a book I wouldn't read but I would watch the movie of.
That's nonsense.
So tomorrow, I lead a public forum in Leslie's Fleetwood Mac sex pants.
Fleetwood Mac sex pants. New band name. I call it. [snaps fingers] Ooh, you know what? Maybe just Fleetwood Mac.
It smells like some vomit took a dump in here.
[Ben, Ron, and Chris all have food poisoning] I didn't eat those stupid mini-calzones. Haver-Food rule number six- Never eat anything with a sauce I have to dip myself. Drizzle it on for me. I'm not your maid.
Damnit, Jamm. I should have had animal control kill you.
ACAnimal Control
Huh.. Who do you want me to kill...I'll kill them.
The tables showed up which is good, but there are no chairs which is bad.
[fielding different questions] The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless. Come to the Gala. Next caller.
Grapes of Wrath, chocolate-chip ice cream, and Johnny Cash.
Don't trust big banks or small banks. Banks are ponzi schemes run by morons.
Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.
Whatever happened to, "Hey, I have some apples. Would you like to buy them?" "Yes, thank you." That's as complicated as it should be to open a business in this country.
I've seen three movies in my life: Bridge on the River Kwai, Patton, and Herbie Fully Loaded. My girlfriend's kids love it. It's pretty funny. Next caller.
How did you get the word out?
Well, Ron went on Joan's show and kicked ass.
I also helped a child perform a tracheotomy on his elderly uncle. It's been a very rewarding day.
Love? Love fades away. But things? Things are forever.
Did you just pee your pants?
Just a dab.
You nasty Jerry.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.