[while trying to act like Penicillin G, Ozzy runs into the girlfriend of the boss of the Red Menace, Ernst Strepfinger]
OzzyHey, I don't like the way you're talkin' to the lady, Strepfinger!
SStrepfinger
And I don't like meddlesome blood cells.
Ozzy
Well, I don't like your casino!
SStrepfinger
Well, I don't like brazen oafs who make googly eyes at my girlfriend, and think they can ruin my plans!
Ozzy
Well... you ugly!
[the cells and germs gasp in shock]
[with the help of Penicillin G, Ozzy manages to disable the Strep bombs and defeat Strepfinger]
PGPenicillin G
Thanks to you, Agent Jones. Hector should up and about in not time.
Ozzy
Hey, couldn't have done it without ya, G-Man! So where ya off to now?
PGPenicillin G
Sticky and I are gonna take a little holiday. It seems I just have time.
SSticky
I told you: I like dangerous things.
[after Ozzy captures two germs in spite of Drix's large size, they both go to a movie which is really a viewing of Hector getting his haircut at a barbershop]
Ozzy
I told ya a movie would cheer you up. Hey, want some polyp corn?
[someone throws a container at Drix]
C1Cell 1
Hey, super economy size! Get outta the way!
C1Cell 1
Oh, uh, she did!
It's alright, Maria. Perhaps I should move to the back.
C3Cell 3
Hey, Godcella! Hurry up!
C4Cell 4
That ain't no cell!
C5Cell 5
That's Godpilla! [the audience all laugh]
[during the movie, Ozzy notices something jumping off the barber's comb and onto Hector's Hair]
Humiliation, thy name is Drix.
Ozzy
Are you gonna lie there with a pillow over your head all day? Dang, I haven't seen you this depressed since that time you didn't get invited to the Medicine Ball.
Sometimes, I think I should have dissolved a long long time ago.
Ozzy
Would you get over it already?! Yeah, you're big! So what?! So I had to take on two heavily-armed viruses by myself! So they nearly ruptured my membrane! So you wrecked my beautiful perfect car that I loved like a brother! Wh... Where was I going with this?
I simply can't imagine. Look, let's face it. I'm just too big.
Ozzy
Hold on! Hector's headin' into the boy's room! As soon as he comes his hair, I'll see it.
Ozzy
Whatever jumped onto his head.
[Ozzy zooms into Hector's hair and notices what appears to be white balls attached to its head]
Ozzy
Oh, no! This is bad Drix! And I don't mean overdue-video bad! I mean grenade-in-your-pants bad!
Congratulations, you peaked my curiosity. [looks through Ozzy's binoculars]
Ozzy
Check out the left temple.
Hm. Fickle scalp cells always flaking off.
Ozzy
Nuh-uh! That ain't dandruff, Drix! It's eggs. Lice eggs. And when they hatch, Hector's scalp is gonna be one big blood buffet for a bunch of six-legged monsters!
[Ozzy goes to Mayor Spryman's office to warn him of the lice eggs on Hector's scalp]
Jones. What is it now? More jockets?
Ozzy
No, it's worse! We got lice eggs!
[sarcastically] Ooh, eggs! Scary! What are you afraid of? Cholesterol?
Ozzy
We gotta do something before they hatch! I need your approval to lead an expedition to the scalp.
BABrain Advisor 2
Sir, after basketball practice today, there's a lice check in the nurse's office. I'm quite certain she will deal with the situation.
Ozzy
Lice check?! Do you have any idea what happens if they find lice?! Hector'd have to stay home from school, maybe for weeks!
No school for weeks! Just think of it. Video games, endless TV, raiding the snack cupboard all day! [hugs his brain advisors]
Ozzy
Well, we can't jus--
BABrain Advisor 2
Your audience with Mayor Spryman is at an end, Mr. Jones.
Ozzy
Fine! If you guys won't do anything, I'll take care of this myself.
BABrain Advisor 2
If you want an out-of-Hector experience, go ahead. But without an anti-coagulation suit, as soon as you hit the outside air, you'll begin to oxidize.
BABrain Advisor 1
Yes, you will get all stiff and dried up and turn into a big icky scab!
Ozzy
And I'll still be better-looking than you, poindexter!
Ozzy
Yo, Drix! We're gonna go to the scalp and rouse some louse!
Where did you get that anti-coagulation suit?
Ozzy
Hey... The... Uh... This guy gave it to me.
[notices the badge on the suit] HPD? Jones, you took that from the police department!
Ozzy
Hey, I'm just borrowin' it! It's an emergency!
[sighs] Go without me. A big clumsy goon such as myself will only drag you down.
Ozzy
Drix, I can't go without you. I need you on this one. Hector needs you. Do you know what'll happen to him if the other kids find out he has lice? They will laugh at him!
Ozzy
Oh, yeah! And make jokes behind his back!
He'll be an outcast. A misfit!
Ozzy
Ya got that right!
Spurn by society! Hated and reviled! All this simply because he's too big! TOO DARN BIG!!!
Ozzy
Uh... We're not talkin' 'bout Hector anymore, are we?
Alright! It's De-lousing time!
[thanks to their mysterious informant, The Mole, Ozzy and Drix journey through the scalp to get rid of the lice eggs]
Ozzy
[singing] I don't know, but I've been told! Hector's feet have stinky moles! Soundoff! One, two! Sound off! Three, four! Bring it on home, Drix! C'mon!
Ozzy
Y'know, lately, you've been about as much fun as a stomach flu.
Well, since I seem to bother everyone else, why should you be an exception? Perhaps I should remain out here, where there's room for me! Where I can be myself and revel in the rugged grandeur of the majestic snow-capped peaks!
Ozzy
Drix, those are zits.
Oh, well, that's just lovely.
[Pauly has been terrorizing Mucus Beach by secretly turning into a humongous monster; a restaurant owner tasks Ozzy and Drix to track it down because the HPD do not believe him]
What I don't understand is how something that big could vanish without a trace.
Ozzy
There's only one answer, Drix: It's an allergen. Allergies are triggered by allergens, and the thing about allergens is one minute they look normal, and the next, they're Germosaurus Rex! Let's split and see what we can find.
[a dog germ is formed when some of Uno's saliva went into Hector's nose; Drix finds it in an alley and shows it to Ozzy]
Ozzy, look! [the dog germ licks Ozzy's face] I found a pet! I found a pet!
Ozzy
So, naturally, you figured you'd smear his drool on my face. [the dog germ sniffs in Ozzy's jacket] Get you nose outta there! [the germ grabs the two cheese-boogers] Hey that's our bonus meal! [he and the germ fight over the cheese-booger]
Dander, release. [the germ let's go, making Ozzy fall to the ground]
Ozzy
Dander?!
Oh, that's what I named him, and I'm going to buy him fancy collars, and I'm going to smother him in love and affection forever and ever and ever! Oh, look, he even knows tricks! Okay, Dander, play dead! [Dander does so] Dander, play Osmosis! [Dander shifts his face to look like Ozzy]
Ozzy
Yo, your dog's makin' fun of me! Tell him to knock it off! [Dander barks mockingly] Seriously, man, cut it out! [Dander barks mockingly again] I ain't playing with you! [Dander continues mocking him] I said STOP IT!!! [Dander mocks him again and his face turns back to normal]
[Dander chases Pauly to an alley, but Pauly turns back into his small self, which makes it look like Dander was the allergen]
Jones! I should have known you had something to do with this mess!
Ozzy
Yeah, well you also should've known that that mustache makes you look like a walrus, but there ya go!
How about you boys lay off the macho junk and we figure out what happened here?
Ozzy
Oh, I can tell you what happened: Allergy attack! Big one!
Allergy, huh? Any sign of the allergen?
Ozzy
Sorry, Drix. It's for the good of Hector. [Drix sighs] We followed the allergen's tracks, they led right to that dog.
Right. We'll take it from here. [two cops come to take Dander]
But it isn't his fault! Wait!
Ozzy
Hey, you can visit him in jail.
We don't lock dangerous animals up, Jones. We dissolve'em. Take him to the stomach acid, boys.
Dander! [the HPD drive away, taking Dander with them] I'm so sorry, boy.
Ozzy
Drix, I didn't know.
Oh, I'm sorry! Are you laboring under the delusion that I WILL EVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN?!? WELL, ALLOW ME TO CORRECT THAT!! GOODBYE!!! [dashes away]
Ozzy
Drix!
Ozzy
Yeah, I guess, but I still feel lower than foot fungus.
[Ozzy and the HPD find out too late that Pauly is the allergen when he goes through a stage 3 attack and absorbs all the white blood cells in the body; Drix manages to free the cells by shooting a freeze inducer at Pauly while Dander escapes and reunites with Drix]
Ozzy
Alright, who's been playing rugby with my head?
Come on, Dander can help us track the allergen!
We've got to find it before it goes to stage 3 again!
Ozzy
Can I just stay here and die peacefully? [Maria drags him away]
Ozzy & Drix · 35 quotes
