[Ozzy and Drix arrive at the Mayor's office]
Excuse me, but are you the aliens?
Actually, the aliens were the ones that brought us here.
Well, well, well, a lady mayor. At last, a public server I can relate to.
[pushes Ozzy away] Cool down, blue boy. I'm your legal council, Ellen Patella. [shows Ozzy her card] I brought some papers for you to sign. Now, if we work fast, maybe I can get you spleen card.
What, a spleen card?! I ain't workin' in no stinkin' speen!
It's either that or spit detail.
Uno momento! Maybe you're not gettin' this picture. You're talkin' to Osmosis Jones here! White blood cell, police legend, and number one germinator from the City of Frank! I don't need no lawyer and no spit job! All I need's the next flight outta here!
[sees a screen showing Hector brushing his teeth] My word, what is that?
That's the Eye Channel. It shows us everything what Hector sees.
Really. What a handsome young man.
Honey, breakfast is ready!
No wonder the city's unpolluted.
Y'know, he looks a lot like Frank when Frank was that age.
Yeah! I've seen the photos in Frank's memory banks. Kinda used to be in good shape.
Fast food, late nights, smokin'. It all started goin' downhill around this age. I mean, I was just a small blood cell back then. I didn't know what was happenin'.
It occurs to me, Ozzy, considering our... situation and all, that perhaps we might be more useful in Hector.
And what?! Start all over again?! Are those fruity bubbles backin' into your brain?!
No, all I am saying is this could be a chance to help give someone a clean start. With our knowledge, we...
[they turn to see Hector groaning and rubbing his head]
I don't think he feels good.
[Mayor Spryman arrives with two brain advisors and Chief Gluteus]
BABrain Adviser 1
I rushed over as soon as I got the number! Sir, he's already at 98.8.
Actually, .82. A small fever, but nonetheless...
Mayor SprymanI don't care! He's going to Jackie Desoto's party tonight, and that's that! It's Hector's first teen party, and Christine Kolchuck from French class is gonna be there.
[the Brain Advisor murmur in agreement]
Are you brain cells or brain-dead cells?
If Hector's gettin' sick, you should make him rest and drink lots of fluids, not listenin' to this fool!
EElena
Jones! This is our mayor, Paul Spryman.
[after staring at Spryman] You're pullin' my membrane!
[while chasing down a germ in their car, Ozzy and Drix accidentally ram into a leg nerve, making Hector accidentally trip the school bully Ricky Sales]
Mayor Spryman
[confronting Ozzy for his reckless behavior] So, thanks to you, Hector tripped Ricky Sales! RICKY SALES!! Do you know what the other kids call him?!
[nervous] Uh, Ricky Sales?
Mayor Spryman
RICKY THE RIPPER!!! Now, do you know what I'm gonna do to you, Jones?
[sarcastically] Slap my wrist and let me go?
Mayor Spryman
[mimics buzzer] Wrong! Hector's gonna get creamed, and it's all your fault!
But Mayor, you can't blame everything on Ozzy. After all, we were in pursuit of a dangerous bacterium.
BABrain Adviser 1
[whispers into Spryman's ear] Who's the driver?
Mayor Spryman
Yeah. Okay, but who drove the car?
[whispers] How's about the cord muscles?
Mayor Spryman
Who almost ran innocent cord muscles off the road?
[the first brain adviser whispers something inaudible to Spryman]
Mayor Spryman
And who bashed into Hector's nerve?!
I suppose that would be...
Yo, partner! Who's side are you on?!
[after Hector gets pushed by Ricky, the power in his nose shuts down, allowing Jones to escape]
I don't want excuses. [notices Spryman exiting his office] I want him caught now!
Mayor Spryman
Him? Him who?
Oh, um, Osmosis Jones, sir. He broke out of the nose.
Mayor Spryman
What?! Well, you've gotta catch him! He's gonna get in the way of my plan!
Don't worry! We're right on his trail! By the way, what is your plan?
Mayor Spryman
First, we beg Ricky for forgiveness. And then we run screaming like a frightened little girl.
[with Ozzy's help, Hector manages to scare Ricky away with his martial arts moves]
Mayor Spryman
Okay, guys. The game's over. I don't want you fighting when the media shows up.
Mayor Spryman
Sure. They're gonna wanna whoever came up with the idea for all those crazy moves. Naturally, I'll say it was me.
Uh, but sir, I did most of the manipulation there.
Mayor Spryman
Or I could just tell those reporters how you let Jones escape.
Yes, sir! That's... well done.
What did I tell ya, Chief? Our mayor is one smart cell. Pauly, you're a real take-charge guy. In fact, once I get my private eye card back, I may even have more compliments for ya.
Mayor Spryman
I am good, aren't I?
[after Drix saves Ozzy from falling into a vat of acid in Hector's iron works]
Yes, Maria, I'm at the challenge with courage and fortitude! Ozzy screamed like a little girl though.
Jones! Do you have any idea what you've done?!
Besides stoppin' a gang of bugs from robbin' the iron works?
Those weren't ordinary bugs, Ozzy.
They are known as... The Red Menace! They bring fever, inflammation to whatever they touch! Cell after cell falls before them in a... uh, hideous domino effect!
We were trying to capture their leader so we would find out where they would strike next.
[Mayor Spryman's limousine arrives]
Mayor Spryman
Stop everything! I'm declaring a state of emergency!
Mayor Spryman
Hector's going to the doctor! [Ozzy, Drix, Maria, and the Chief gasp in shock] I hate doctors! Hide me!
Well, that's it then. They'll send in a special cold war operative. This bug's way out of our league.
What?! We don't need no special agent! I can handle this Red Menace all by myself!
[Drix, Maria, the Chief, and the Mayor begin laughing at Ozzy]
[Ozzy goes to Mayor Spryman's office to warn him of the lice eggs on Hector's scalp]
Mayor Spryman
Jones. What is it now? More jockets?
No, it's worse! We got lice eggs!
Mayor Spryman
[sarcastically] Ooh, eggs! Scary! What are you afraid of? Cholesterol?
We gotta do something before they hatch! I need your approval to lead an expedition to the scalp.
BABrain Advisor 2
Sir, after basketball practice today, there's a lice check in the nurse's office. I'm quite certain she will deal with the situation.
Lice check?! Do you have any idea what happens if they find lice?! Hector'd have to stay home from school, maybe for weeks!
Mayor Spryman
No school for weeks! Just think of it. Video games, endless TV, raiding the snack cupboard all day! [hugs his brain advisors]
BABrain Advisor 2
Your audience with Mayor Spryman is at an end, Mr. Jones.
Fine! If you guys won't do anything, I'll take care of this myself.
BABrain Advisor 2
If you want an out-of-Hector experience, go ahead. But without an anti-coagulation suit, as soon as you hit the outside air, you'll begin to oxidize.
BABrain Advisor 1
Yes, you will get all stiff and dried up and turn into a big icky scab!
And I'll still be better-looking than you, poindexter!
Ozzy & Drix · 35 quotes
