Drix quotes from Ozzy &amp; Drix

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[Hector swats the mosquito and a group of cells come to save Ozzy and Drix from coagulation]

Welcome to Hector.

Hector?! What's a Hector?

Your new home.

Woah! Hold the phone, lady! I didn't ask for no transfer!

Is there a problem here?

Yeah, I'll say there's a problem! I got a promotion waitin' for me in the City of Frank, and I'm stuck here in no-man's land!

Intruders, eh?

Intruders?! The only thing intrudin' here is your belt size! Now who do we have to see about gettin' outta this backwater hole?

The Mayor.

Well, what are we waitin' for?! I want action! I want justice! I-- [the chief grabs him by his shirt] Whoa, watch the membrane!

Drix

Thanks for saving us. It was much appreciated.

No problem, big guy.

[as the cells leave to see the Mayor, they are unaware that Scarlet Fever survived]

SScarlet

Hector, eh? Looks smooth like grand new. Just the place for a big bugging bacteria like me to have a fresh start.

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[Ozzy and Drix arrive at the Mayor's office]

Excuse me, but are you the aliens?

Drix

Actually, the aliens were the ones that brought us here.

Well, well, well, a lady mayor. At last, a public server I can relate to.

[pushes Ozzy away] Cool down, blue boy. I'm your legal council, Ellen Patella. [shows Ozzy her card] I brought some papers for you to sign. Now, if we work fast, maybe I can get you spleen card.

What, a spleen card?! I ain't workin' in no stinkin' speen!

It's either that or spit detail.

Uno momento! Maybe you're not gettin' this picture. You're talkin' to Osmosis Jones here! White blood cell, police legend, and number one germinator from the City of Frank! I don't need no lawyer and no spit job! All I need's the next flight outta here!

Drix

[sees a screen showing Hector brushing his teeth] My word, what is that?

That's the Eye Channel. It shows us everything what Hector sees.

Drix

Really. What a handsome young man.

That's Hector Cruz.

Mrs. Cruz

Honey, breakfast is ready!

Hector

Be right there, Mom!

He's thirteen.

Drix

No wonder the city's unpolluted.

Y'know, he looks a lot like Frank when Frank was that age.

Drix

No!

Yeah! I've seen the photos in Frank's memory banks. Kinda used to be in good shape.

Drix

What happened?

Fast food, late nights, smokin'. It all started goin' downhill around this age. I mean, I was just a small blood cell back then. I didn't know what was happenin'.

Drix

It occurs to me, Ozzy, considering our... situation and all, that perhaps we might be more useful in Hector.

And what?! Start all over again?! Are those fruity bubbles backin' into your brain?!

Drix

No, all I am saying is this could be a chance to help give someone a clean start. With our knowledge, we...

Hold on.

Drix

What?

[they turn to see Hector groaning and rubbing his head]

I don't think he feels good.

[Mayor Spryman arrives with two brain advisors and Chief Gluteus]

BABrain Adviser 1

I rushed over as soon as I got the number! Sir, he's already at 98.8.

BABrain Adviser 2

Actually, .82. A small fever, but nonetheless...

I don't care! He's going to Jackie Desoto's party tonight, and that's that! It's Hector's first teen party, and Christine Kolchuck from French class is gonna be there.

[the Brain Advisor murmur in agreement]

Are you brain cells or brain-dead cells?

EElena

Jones...

If Hector's gettin' sick, you should make him rest and drink lots of fluids, not listenin' to this fool!

EElena

Jones! This is our mayor, Paul Spryman.

[after staring at Spryman] You're pullin' my membrane!

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[after Ozzy defeated Scarlet by making him go through the spleen]

[narrating] After we nailed Scarlet Fever, all of Hector's symptoms went away. So he got to go to the party afterall. I could see why he didn't wanna miss it. As for Drix and me, well, the mayor decided to let us hang around. And with Ellen's help, we opened our own detective agency. Right behind Hector's left retinum, prime real estate! [to Drix] Y'know, Drix, you were right. We could do a lot more good here. I mean, thirteen's a scary age. There's hormones, pimples, B.O., and hair growing up all over the place!

Drix

Oh, my.

Hector's gonna need someone who's been around the block a few times. Somebody who can help him through these changes and keep him healthy.

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[while chasing down a germ in their car, Ozzy and Drix accidentally ram into a leg nerve, making Hector accidentally trip the school bully Ricky Sales]

[confronting Ozzy for his reckless behavior] So, thanks to you, Hector tripped Ricky Sales! RICKY SALES!! Do you know what the other kids call him?!

[nervous] Uh, Ricky Sales?

RICKY THE RIPPER!!! Now, do you know what I'm gonna do to you, Jones?

[sarcastically] Slap my wrist and let me go?

[mimics buzzer] Wrong! Hector's gonna get creamed, and it's all your fault!

Drix

But Mayor, you can't blame everything on Ozzy. After all, we were in pursuit of a dangerous bacterium.

BABrain Adviser 1

[whispers into Spryman's ear] Who's the driver?

Yeah. Okay, but who drove the car?

Drix

Um, Ozzy.

BABrain Adviser 2

[whispers] How's about the cord muscles?

Who almost ran innocent cord muscles off the road?

Drix

Ozzy again.

[the first brain adviser whispers something inaudible to Spryman]

And who bashed into Hector's nerve?!

Drix

I suppose that would be...

Yo, partner! Who's side are you on?!

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[Hector suffers from a fever]

Drix

Ugh, a stakeout on the hottest day of the year! Couldn't we battle the dread forces of contagion someplace a tad more comfortable, say poolside at Hector Grand Hotel?

No way, Drix! Heat means fever, fever means infection, and infection means our boy Hector needs us right here. Besides, the last time we went swimmin', your bubbles carbonated the whole pool!

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[after Drix saves Ozzy from falling into a vat of acid in Hector's iron works]

Drix

Officer Amino?

Drix, you okay?

Drix

Yes, Maria, I'm at the challenge with courage and fortitude! Ozzy screamed like a little girl though.

Hey!

Jones! Do you have any idea what you've done?!

Besides stoppin' a gang of bugs from robbin' the iron works?

Those weren't ordinary bugs, Ozzy.

They are known as... The Red Menace! They bring fever, inflammation to whatever they touch! Cell after cell falls before them in a... uh, hideous domino effect!

We were trying to capture their leader so we would find out where they would strike next.

[Mayor Spryman's limousine arrives]

Stop everything! I'm declaring a state of emergency!

What's wrong, sir?

Hector's going to the doctor! [Ozzy, Drix, Maria, and the Chief gasp in shock] I hate doctors! Hide me!

Well, that's it then. They'll send in a special cold war operative. This bug's way out of our league.

What?! We don't need no special agent! I can handle this Red Menace all by myself!

[Drix, Maria, the Chief, and the Mayor begin laughing at Ozzy]

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[Penicillin G sacrificed himself to save Ozzy while Ozzy managed to snatch the protein sequence]

Drix

Poor Penicillin G. His bright flame extinguished by an adolescent loogie.

Hey, I feel just as bad! I mean, the guy sacrificed himself to save my my butt, and all I ever did was dis him. I owe the G-Man, Drix! I gotta finish what he started! And this protein sequence is the key!

Drix

Ozzy, G was a skilled operative. You don't have his cunning, his breeding, his... pinash.

Maybe not, but I have his briefcase!

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[after Ozzy captures two germs in spite of Drix's large size, they both go to a movie which is really a viewing of Hector getting his haircut at a barbershop]

I told ya a movie would cheer you up. Hey, want some polyp corn?

Drix

No thanks.

[someone throws a container at Drix]

C1Cell 1

Hey, super economy size! Get outta the way!

Who threw that?!

C1Cell 1

Oh, uh, she did!

C2Cell 2

Quit it!

Drix

It's alright, Maria. Perhaps I should move to the back.

C3Cell 3

Hey, Godcella! Hurry up!

C4Cell 4

That ain't no cell!

C5Cell 5

That's Godpilla! [the audience all laugh]

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[during the movie, Ozzy notices something jumping off the barber's comb and onto Hector's Hair]

Drix

Humiliation, thy name is Drix.

Are you gonna lie there with a pillow over your head all day? Dang, I haven't seen you this depressed since that time you didn't get invited to the Medicine Ball.

Drix

Sometimes, I think I should have dissolved a long long time ago.

Would you get over it already?! Yeah, you're big! So what?! So I had to take on two heavily-armed viruses by myself! So they nearly ruptured my membrane! So you wrecked my beautiful perfect car that I loved like a brother! Wh... Where was I going with this?

Drix

I simply can't imagine. Look, let's face it. I'm just too big.

Hold on! Hector's headin' into the boy's room! As soon as he comes his hair, I'll see it.

Drix

See what?

Whatever jumped onto his head.

[Ozzy zooms into Hector's hair and notices what appears to be white balls attached to its head]

Oh, no! This is bad Drix! And I don't mean overdue-video bad! I mean grenade-in-your-pants bad!

Drix

Congratulations, you peaked my curiosity. [looks through Ozzy's binoculars]

Check out the left temple.

Drix

Hm. Fickle scalp cells always flaking off.

Nuh-uh! That ain't dandruff, Drix! It's eggs. Lice eggs. And when they hatch, Hector's scalp is gonna be one big blood buffet for a bunch of six-legged monsters!

Drix

Oh, there goes lunch!

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Yo, Drix! We're gonna go to the scalp and rouse some louse!

Drix

Where did you get that anti-coagulation suit?

Hey... The... Uh... This guy gave it to me.

Drix

[notices the badge on the suit] HPD? Jones, you took that from the police department!

Hey, I'm just borrowin' it! It's an emergency!

Drix

[sighs] Go without me. A big clumsy goon such as myself will only drag you down.

Drix, I can't go without you. I need you on this one. Hector needs you. Do you know what'll happen to him if the other kids find out he has lice? They will laugh at him!

Drix

They... They will?!

Oh, yeah! And make jokes behind his back!

Drix

He'll be an outcast. A misfit!

Ya got that right!

Drix

Spurn by society! Hated and reviled! All this simply because he's too big! TOO DARN BIG!!!

Uh... We're not talkin' 'bout Hector anymore, are we?

Drix

Alright! It's De-lousing time!

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[thanks to their mysterious informant, The Mole, Ozzy and Drix journey through the scalp to get rid of the lice eggs]

[singing] I don't know, but I've been told! Hector's feet have stinky moles! Soundoff! One, two! Sound off! Three, four! Bring it on home, Drix! C'mon!

Drix

No, thank you.

Y'know, lately, you've been about as much fun as a stomach flu.

Drix

Well, since I seem to bother everyone else, why should you be an exception? Perhaps I should remain out here, where there's room for me! Where I can be myself and revel in the rugged grandeur of the majestic snow-capped peaks!

Drix, those are zits.

Drix

Oh, well, that's just lovely.

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[The Mole secretly placed camera's on Hector's scalp, filming Drix's heroic actions with the giant louse; the footage is being shown in the theaters]

C1Cell 1

[throws another can at Drix] Hey, double wide! I can't see the movie! [Drix stands up] Oh, my gosh! You're... you're...

Drix

Moving to the back of the theater. I want to be sure everyone can see this movie. Excuse me, pardon me.

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[Pauly has been terrorizing Mucus Beach by secretly turning into a humongous monster; a restaurant owner tasks Ozzy and Drix to track it down because the HPD do not believe him]

Drix

What I don't understand is how something that big could vanish without a trace.

There's only one answer, Drix: It's an allergen. Allergies are triggered by allergens, and the thing about allergens is one minute they look normal, and the next, they're Germosaurus Rex! Let's split and see what we can find.

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[a dog germ is formed when some of Uno's saliva went into Hector's nose; Drix finds it in an alley and shows it to Ozzy]

Drix

Ozzy, look! [the dog germ licks Ozzy's face] I found a pet! I found a pet!

So, naturally, you figured you'd smear his drool on my face. [the dog germ sniffs in Ozzy's jacket] Get you nose outta there! [the germ grabs the two cheese-boogers] Hey that's our bonus meal! [he and the germ fight over the cheese-booger]

Drix

Dander, release. [the germ let's go, making Ozzy fall to the ground]

Dander?!

Drix

Oh, that's what I named him, and I'm going to buy him fancy collars, and I'm going to smother him in love and affection forever and ever and ever! Oh, look, he even knows tricks! Okay, Dander, play dead! [Dander does so] Dander, play Osmosis! [Dander shifts his face to look like Ozzy]

Yo, your dog's makin' fun of me! Tell him to knock it off! [Dander barks mockingly] Seriously, man, cut it out! [Dander barks mockingly again] I ain't playing with you! [Dander continues mocking him] I said STOP IT!!! [Dander mocks him again and his face turns back to normal]