[Hector swats the mosquito and a group of cells come to save Ozzy and Drix from coagulation]
OzzyHector?! What's a Hector?
Ozzy
Woah! Hold the phone, lady! I didn't ask for no transfer!
Ozzy
Yeah, I'll say there's a problem! I got a promotion waitin' for me in the City of Frank, and I'm stuck here in no-man's land!
Ozzy
Intruders?! The only thing intrudin' here is your belt size! Now who do we have to see about gettin' outta this backwater hole?
Ozzy
Well, what are we waitin' for?! I want action! I want justice! I-- [the chief grabs him by his shirt] Whoa, watch the membrane!
Thanks for saving us. It was much appreciated.
[as the cells leave to see the Mayor, they are unaware that Scarlet Fever survived]
SScarlet
Hector, eh? Looks smooth like grand new. Just the place for a big bugging bacteria like me to have a fresh start.
[Ozzy and Drix arrive at the Mayor's office]
Excuse me, but are you the aliens?
Actually, the aliens were the ones that brought us here.
Ozzy
Well, well, well, a lady mayor. At last, a public server I can relate to.
[pushes Ozzy away] Cool down, blue boy. I'm your legal council, Ellen Patella. [shows Ozzy her card] I brought some papers for you to sign. Now, if we work fast, maybe I can get you spleen card.
Ozzy
What, a spleen card?! I ain't workin' in no stinkin' speen!
It's either that or spit detail.
Ozzy
Uno momento! Maybe you're not gettin' this picture. You're talkin' to Osmosis Jones here! White blood cell, police legend, and number one germinator from the City of Frank! I don't need no lawyer and no spit job! All I need's the next flight outta here!
[sees a screen showing Hector brushing his teeth] My word, what is that?
That's the Eye Channel. It shows us everything what Hector sees.
Really. What a handsome young man.
Honey, breakfast is ready!
No wonder the city's unpolluted.
Ozzy
Y'know, he looks a lot like Frank when Frank was that age.
Ozzy
Yeah! I've seen the photos in Frank's memory banks. Kinda used to be in good shape.
Ozzy
Fast food, late nights, smokin'. It all started goin' downhill around this age. I mean, I was just a small blood cell back then. I didn't know what was happenin'.
It occurs to me, Ozzy, considering our... situation and all, that perhaps we might be more useful in Hector.
Ozzy
And what?! Start all over again?! Are those fruity bubbles backin' into your brain?!
No, all I am saying is this could be a chance to help give someone a clean start. With our knowledge, we...
Ozzy
Hold on.
[they turn to see Hector groaning and rubbing his head]
Ozzy
I don't think he feels good.
[Mayor Spryman arrives with two brain advisors and Chief Gluteus]
BABrain Adviser 1
I rushed over as soon as I got the number! Sir, he's already at 98.8.
Actually, .82. A small fever, but nonetheless...
I don't care! He's going to Jackie Desoto's party tonight, and that's that! It's Hector's first teen party, and Christine Kolchuck from French class is gonna be there.
[the Brain Advisor murmur in agreement]
Ozzy
Are you brain cells or brain-dead cells?
Ozzy
If Hector's gettin' sick, you should make him rest and drink lots of fluids, not listenin' to this fool!
EElena
Jones! This is our mayor, Paul Spryman.
Ozzy
[after staring at Spryman] You're pullin' my membrane!
[Scarlet has taken down Gluteus and corners Maria until he is briefly frozen by Drix]
Ozzy
Yo, hot lips! Well, looks like you've been paintin' the town red, huh?
SScarlet
Oh, you haven't seen anything, Jones! Wait till I get to the heart, where I can do some real damage!
Ozzy
Too bad I'll have to spoil your plan!
SScarlet
Oh, you think so?
[after Ozzy defeated Scarlet by making him go through the spleen]
Ozzy
[narrating] After we nailed Scarlet Fever, all of Hector's symptoms went away. So he got to go to the party afterall. I could see why he didn't wanna miss it. As for Drix and me, well, the mayor decided to let us hang around. And with Ellen's help, we opened our own detective agency. Right behind Hector's left retinum, prime real estate! [to Drix] Y'know, Drix, you were right. We could do a lot more good here. I mean, thirteen's a scary age. There's hormones, pimples, B.O., and hair growing up all over the place!
Ozzy
Hector's gonna need someone who's been around the block a few times. Somebody who can help him through these changes and keep him healthy.
[while chasing down a germ in their car, Ozzy and Drix accidentally ram into a leg nerve, making Hector accidentally trip the school bully Ricky Sales]
[confronting Ozzy for his reckless behavior] So, thanks to you, Hector tripped Ricky Sales! RICKY SALES!! Do you know what the other kids call him?!
Ozzy
[nervous] Uh, Ricky Sales?
RICKY THE RIPPER!!! Now, do you know what I'm gonna do to you, Jones?
Ozzy
[sarcastically] Slap my wrist and let me go?
[mimics buzzer] Wrong! Hector's gonna get creamed, and it's all your fault!
But Mayor, you can't blame everything on Ozzy. After all, we were in pursuit of a dangerous bacterium.
BABrain Adviser 1
[whispers into Spryman's ear] Who's the driver?
Yeah. Okay, but who drove the car?
[whispers] How's about the cord muscles?
Who almost ran innocent cord muscles off the road?
[the first brain adviser whispers something inaudible to Spryman]
And who bashed into Hector's nerve?!
I suppose that would be...
Ozzy
Yo, partner! Who's side are you on?!
[after refusing to give Spryman his private eye card, Ozzy is sent to the nose as punishment for his mistake; Ellen arrives to visit him]
Ozzy
Ellen! Why are you here? Have they sent bail yet?
Yes, for one million carbs.
Ozzy
A million carbs?!
Hey, I talked them down from a billion. [hands Ozzy some papers] They have a solid case against you, Ozzy. Creating a danger for the body, ignoring a direct order from the mayor, resisting arrest.
Ozzy
Okay, okay. What do we do?
Fill these out. I'll try to make a deal.
Ozzy
You want me to cop a plea? To what?
Insanity. Trust me, it's a slam dunk.
[Ozzy goes into the Cerebral Cortex and uses a device to control Hector's movements]
[stops Ozzy] Hold it right there!
Ozzy
C'mon, Chief, I'm wired for action.
Ozzy
Neither am I. Just gimme a minute, he'll be okay.
Putting Hector in the hospital is not okay!
Ozzy
Sorry, Chief, but I gotta do this.
[with Ozzy's help, Hector manages to scare Ricky away with his martial arts moves]
Okay, guys. The game's over. I don't want you fighting when the media shows up.
Ozzy
Did you say the media?
Sure. They're gonna wanna whoever came up with the idea for all those crazy moves. Naturally, I'll say it was me.
Uh, but sir, I did most of the manipulation there.
Or I could just tell those reporters how you let Jones escape.
Yes, sir! That's... well done.
Ozzy
What did I tell ya, Chief? Our mayor is one smart cell. Pauly, you're a real take-charge guy. In fact, once I get my private eye card back, I may even have more compliments for ya.
[Hector suffers from a fever]
Ugh, a stakeout on the hottest day of the year! Couldn't we battle the dread forces of contagion someplace a tad more comfortable, say poolside at Hector Grand Hotel?
Ozzy
No way, Drix! Heat means fever, fever means infection, and infection means our boy Hector needs us right here. Besides, the last time we went swimmin', your bubbles carbonated the whole pool!
[after Drix saves Ozzy from falling into a vat of acid in Hector's iron works]
Yes, Maria, I'm at the challenge with courage and fortitude! Ozzy screamed like a little girl though.
Ozzy
Hey!
Jones! Do you have any idea what you've done?!
Ozzy
Besides stoppin' a gang of bugs from robbin' the iron works?
Those weren't ordinary bugs, Ozzy.
They are known as... The Red Menace! They bring fever, inflammation to whatever they touch! Cell after cell falls before them in a... uh, hideous domino effect!
We were trying to capture their leader so we would find out where they would strike next.
[Mayor Spryman's limousine arrives]
Stop everything! I'm declaring a state of emergency!
Hector's going to the doctor! [Ozzy, Drix, Maria, and the Chief gasp in shock] I hate doctors! Hide me!
Well, that's it then. They'll send in a special cold war operative. This bug's way out of our league.
Ozzy
What?! We don't need no special agent! I can handle this Red Menace all by myself!
[Drix, Maria, the Chief, and the Mayor begin laughing at Ozzy]
[after Drix and Penicillin G leaves him behind to investigate the throat, Ozzy beats them to it and eavesdrops and the Red Menace's conversation via binoculars]
N2Number 2
Well, Number 3, I hope your bungling at the iron works hasn't thrown off our inspection schedule, hmm?
N3Number 3
Of course not, Number 2. In fact, we've just programed the protein sequence that will trigger the infection.
N2Number 2
Excellent! Number 1 can finally proceed with his plans to give Hector a nasty case of pneumonia.
Ozzy
Pneumonia?! I gotta get that disk!
[Penicillin G sacrificed himself to save Ozzy while Ozzy managed to snatch the protein sequence]
Poor Penicillin G. His bright flame extinguished by an adolescent loogie.
Ozzy
Hey, I feel just as bad! I mean, the guy sacrificed himself to save my my butt, and all I ever did was dis him. I owe the G-Man, Drix! I gotta finish what he started! And this protein sequence is the key!
Ozzy, G was a skilled operative. You don't have his cunning, his breeding, his... pinash.
Ozzy
Maybe not, but I have his briefcase!
Ozzy & Drix · 35 quotes
