Brandy please, Pamela.
PPamela
Armagnac?
Yeah, that'll do fine if you're out of Brandy.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
And Africa is where it's at. Recently Joanne and I spent little time down in Afrique sur-mer.
Fabrique belgique.
[Del, Rodney, Uncle Albert, Cassandra, her parents and her boss, Stephen, are playing Trivial Pursuit.]
What is a female swan called?
[Albert hints that it's a three-letter word; Rodney rattles a Biro in his mouth.]
Got it. It's a bic.
JJevon
(while Del is handing out sandwiches on the coach) You've got to give Del his dues, ain't ya? He did all the catering by himself.
Oh, leave off Jevon, can you imagine Del Boy standing in the kitchen cutting up all them loaves? He probably got some idiot to do it for him.
No, I made them for him. (Mickey nods at Jevon, to prove his point.)
(annoyed that he wasn't asked by Del to make the sandwiches) Oi.
(who is halfway down the coach aisle, taking the sandwich crate to Mike, as Denzil, the previous man responsible for them, has admitted to an ear infection) Yes?
I want a word with you.
Yeah, what is it, Sid?
I run a cafe, right?
(looks around) Yeah, right, so what?
So why didn't you ask me to make the sandwiches?
Well, the explanation is simple. We intend to eat them.
(clearly hurt) Oh. All right. (He puffs on his cigarette.)
Alright then. (He leaves.)
AAlan
(when Harry, the coach driver, suddenly becomes drunk) It's no problem. You just chuck him on the back seat, let him sleep it off.
Chuck him on the back seat? He's the driver!
[Mike and Trigger help Harry onto the coach.]
What d'you think's wrong with him?
What do I think? Well, snow-blindness would be my bet, Trig.
Yeah? I thought he was pissed.
[The Jolly Boys' coach has blown up due to Del's faulty radio. Rodney is watching the explosion from inside a telephone booth.]
Cass? You still there? Our coach has just blown up!
[The Jolly Boys find out that the last bus has left and the trains are on strike.]
I remember once just after the war.
Oh don't start, Unc!
We've had enough of your stupid stories for one day. Albert!
Oi, oi, oi! Watch it! He's a war hero, he's got a right to speak!
I fought for free speech!
(to Albert, venomously) Shut up!
(to Rodney, who just got thrown out by Cassandra for punching her boss on the nose) Alright bruv, sort it all out?
Hello Boycie. I suppose I've got to ask you in?
Yes. I'd like to get away as quick as possible. I've left my Mercedes parked downstairs and you know what they're like on this estate. They'd have the wheels off a Jumbo if it flew too low.
I feel like I've taken a mountain to Muhammad to find out he's already bloody got one.
BBronco
I am not a cowboy!
BBoyce
Not a cowboy? I've got spur marks on my grandfather clock
BBronco
Nobody's ever called me that before, I am not a cowboy!
Bronco!
The doctor told you to stay off fried food.
Yes, I know, and the Doctor told Snow White to eat more fruit. But we all know what happened to that poor old cow.
(after a failed attempt to call Cassandra's dad, Alan) He's not in. He's probably gone to Manchester to pick up Cassandra, and she will tell him I've booked into a hotel with another woman. He will fire me, she will divorce me, (to Uncle Albert) And it's all your fault! (To Del) And yours!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Only Fools and Horses pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.