This is how it starts. These punks move in, start hassling old people, soon the streets are no longer yours.
Charles Bronson week on TNT?
Every week is Charles Bronson week on TNT.
S5 E13Towers
S5 E14Hair
Dave, I need you to do me a favor.
Well, sir, you know I'd kill for you.
That's not a favor, son, that's a contractual obligation.
All dogs are male, all cats are female.
Daisy is most definitely, and I mean definitely, a girl.
We're not disputing that. It's not a matter of sex, it's a matter of gender.
Sex and gender are the same thing.
Not so. I would much rather have sex than gender.
Well, seeing as you have neither, that must be very sad for you.
S5 E15Assistant
I brought Foxy in to improve my productivity, and she can't do that while Joe is teaching her bad words in Italian.
I guess you owe me a t-shirt.
What t-shirt?
One that says "Dave's girlfriend wanted to do me."
Joe, I'm afraid I could never take that t-shirt away from my father.
S5 E16Wino
So, what have you been up to?
Well, I'm a wino.
A wino! Imagine that.
Last week they elected me king of the winos.
Did you hear that? King of the damn winos!
It's burning you up inside, isn't it?
To a crisp. Usually, when I crush someone they stay crushed.
[to Lisa] I know that you probably hate me. I don't blame you. But believe me, never a day goes by without my thoughts turning to you. Even as I battle stray dogs for scraps of meat in urine-soaked alleys, all I can think of is Lisa Miller.
S5 E17Wedding
[on the phone] My marriage is tomorrow, and I don't care if you had a previous engagement. An oral agreement is like a contract to me. Well, same to you, buddy!
Caterers?
Parents.
[describing Lisa's kisses] Sweet, salty, never dull... that's Lisa.
No, that's microwave popcorn.
S5 E18Ploy
Mr. James, tell Joe he can't copyright my name.
You can't copyright any employee's name.
See?
Because I own the copyrights to all your names.
MJMatthew, Joe
What?
When are you people going to start reading your contracts?
I have spring fever, and there's only one cure for that.
Euthanasia?
S5 E19Padded Suit
[on who to fire] I think there's a much more humane way of dealing with this.
Hmm, a humane way. Hmm. I prefer terror.
Look, why don't you give them a simple task - say, writing up a job description - and hold them to it.
Yeah, and what's the point in that?
Well, it makes them think about what they have to do, and it helps you.
Uh-huh, and what if they fail?
Then you can fire them. Fire 'em all. But they won't fail. I won't let them.
Uh-huh. That's delightful! Prolong the terror, yes! The axe hangs, but it does not fall... not yet.
Lisa, again with the job descriptions. Look, even if Dave does go totally psycho, he's not gonna fire anyone.
Well, what if he does?
Well, what if it's you?
What are you, high?
S5 E20Freaky Friday
Max, the break room is not your personal hunting ground.
I know. I prefer to think of it as a game preserve, where everyone is free to take their best shot.
Joe, we don't need a science reporter.
Dude, I'm offering my services for free.
Yeah, but just so that you can beam your messages to space.
Lucky guess.
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