Dave Nelson quotes from NewsRadio

Lisa

I'm a woman, right?

Dave

Last time I checked. Granted, that was over three months ago, so...

Dave, we have a little problem on the souvenir shop.

Dave

What is it? Bad batch of Ye Old-Fashioned Radio Fudge?

Dave

There are things in this life worth living for.

Lisa

Like love?

Dave

I was talking about coffee. By the way, do you have any?

Lisa

Love?

Dave

No. Coffee.

Lisa

No.

Dave

Well, then what's the point? [drowns himself]

Dave

Matthew, you're not going to find any icebergs with your nose buried in that nefarious scandal sheet.

Matthew

Aw, gee whiz!

Dave

Matthew! What have I told you about swearing on this vessel? I will not have it.

Matthew

Darn.

Dave

Matthew!

Matthew

Shucks!

Dave

Well, I never!

Dave

Joe, Jesus was not born 2000 years ago today.

Joe

Yeah? Well, I have a birth certificate that proves otherwise.

Dave

Max, everyone is just a little bit weird.

Max

I collect buttons.

Dave

That sounds like a normal hobby.

Max

And rubber bands. I put peanut butter on absolutely everything, even steak.

Dave

Well, it's an acquired taste, but it's hardly...

Max

I still have the sweater my mother knitted for me when I was a baby.

Dave

That's sweet.

Max

...and I'm wearing it right now.

So, like I was saying, a problem is what you make of it. If you think it's going to be big, guess what it's going to turn out to be?

Dave

Big.

Bam.

Dave

Boom.

Love it.

Dave

Same wavelength.

You got that right.

Dave

Amen.

Yeah. Oh, this morning, satellite of mine blew up on takeoff.

Dave

Hmm. Cost?

10 million.

Dave

Result?

Immense setback.

Dave

Milk?

Spilled.

Dave

Gonna cry over it?

Not even.

Dave

Uh uh. Right now, I'm sitting on a rather sharp tack. Have been for about an hour.

Oooh. That hurts.

Dave

Life's a bitch...

...then you die.

Dave

My...

...oh...

Dave

...my.

Dave

Joe, what did I tell you about experimenting on Matthew?

Joe

Come on, it's not like I'm testing cosmetics on him.

Dave

Sure, not anymore!

Joe

Dude... even I admitted that was wrong.

Dave, you know I think the world of you, but you can't deal with Johnny Johnson by yourself. He eats the hearts of guys like you for breakfast.

Dave

Sir, I'm serious.

So am I. Have you ever been to a restaurant in Kuala Lumpur?

Dave

That's... quite the green duffel bag you got there.

Johnny Johnson

Thanks. I found it in some of Mr. James' belongings.

Dave

Where?

Johnny Johnson

Landfill in Mongolia.

Lisa

I don't want to be a pawn in a corporate game.

Dave

Why not? It's fun.

Max

Johnny, Mr. James might be going to prison. Why are we celebrating?

Johnny Johnson

Care to take this one, Dave?

Dave

Johnny wants Jimmy in jail. It is all part of his evil plan. You know, the evil plan I've been warning you about.

Johnny Johnson

Bingo.

Dave

Mr. James, do you have any advice for the young ones?

Always use a condom, and if you're too embarrased to ask, just shoplift them. It's easy!

[about Beth] This is serious, Dave. She's out there all alone, prey to all the wolves that haunt the mean streets of New York City.

Dave

Sir, Beth is one of the wolves that haunt the mean streets of New York City.

Aren't you wondering why I came in through the window?

Dave

Right now, my curiosity is taking a back seat to my sanity these days.