5th most-quoted character in New Girl: in 13 of its 119 quotes
Most scenes with: Jess Day (9), Schmidt (4)
Scenes with Cece 13
Cece
I'm trying to help you.
No. I don't need your help. You don't know... Nick and I are friends. You don't know, 'cause you don't have guy friends at all. You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. Oh, I'm sorry... DJ Diabeat It.
Cece
He has diabetes.
Oh, he does? Boo-hoo. I'm sorry. Is it really bad? I feel really bad.
Cece
He's fine. He takes medication.
Why do you just come in and you take over? It's like you're playing mind games with people.
Cece
Don't put this on me, Jess. Okay, I'm trying to help you. You never make a move...
Well, I don't need your help. I like moving slow. I like being weird and taking my time. I'm not like you. I don't just jump in the potato sack with the first potato that I meet with diabetes.
Cece
Okay, what did you just say?
[in a British accent, with a pair of lacy panties on her head] Mr. Darcy's going to love my new bonnet.
Cece
Why are we here?
You don't understand. You've never been cheated on before. Spencer and I never tried anything new, and maybe if I'd been... more erotic...
Cece
Spencer cheated on you because he's a total jerk, not 'cause you're bad in bed.
It's been six years. Everything I know about sex, I learned from Spencer or the Clinton impeachment trial.
[Flashback starts]
NONPR on the radio
He used a cigar as a sexual aid with her in the Oval Office area...
Mom?! [shoves the radio] I'm not listening to NPR.
[End of flashback]
[whistles while holding a starfish lingerie]
Cece
No. No whistle. It's terrible!
Uh, excusez-moi. Can I try this on, please?
CClerk
Oh, the starfish. You can't try that on. Health code.
I'll take it! I hope Paul's packing some coral polyps, 'cause this starfish is hungry. Starfish eat coral polyps.
Cece
Just pay, Jess.
Cece
It's a before and after for a Bolivian diet pill.
El Glatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.
BGBefore girl
I'm "before."
Su-sure, you are, look at that.
Cece
So you said you wanted to see me for something?
Yes, I brought you a gift. I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time and made no reference to the fact that you are basically naked.
Cece
Very proud of you, Schmidt.
KKyle
Hey, hey. [tongue-kissing Cece]
KKyle
Done with her hair?
With her...? No, I'm not the hair guy, man.
Cece
Oh, no, no, no, this is my very good friend Schmidt, and he just came by to bring me a gift, so... It's perfume. Why does it say "Cecilia Number 5″?
Actually, it says that because... you know, I ma... I made it specifically for you. Yeah, I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume. Base notes of cocoa because of your brown, uh... ness. Sea salt, because it kind of sounds like Cece. Uh, and sandalwood... Sandalwood... always up to no good.
[after Cece enters the bathroom] Hey, what are you doing in here?
Cece
Kyle's being a jerk. What are you doing in here?
Eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.
Cece
Remember when Christmas used to be fun and all I had to do was worry about my drunk uncle asking me out?
Yes, Uncle Pradeep. He thought I was a boy.
Cece
Such a weirdo.
Cece
What are you doing?
I'm packing an overnight bag in case I have one-night sex. I've got a T-shirt, socks...
Cece
Is this a sewing kit?
Yes, it's a sewing kit. Stain remover. [holds up the stain remover] Hello!
Cece
You don't have one-night stands—you get way too attached. I mean, you could have an emotional connection with a shoe on the side of the road.
Oh, one shoe? I hate that.
But you're using birth control, right?
Cece
Yeah, of course. It's just that Schmidt gets so athletic that birth control becomes like one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane.
I didn't wanna know that. Okay, the pregnancy test doesn't work until after six days, so just get through the weekend and don't tell Schmidt until you're sure.
Cece
Yeah, no, of course not, of course. It's just... I can't stop thinking about what a Schmidt baby would be like.
Just, I mean, I, I don't know.
Cece
Would it just wanna nurse 24 hours a day?
Probably. We could make it, like, a douche baby jar.
Andy and I have been sending each other some pretty dirty texts.
Cece
Come to the professor. Let me see.
He says, "Can't stop thinking about what you're gonna wear tonight." How do I respond?
Cece
With a simple... "Or not wear."
Cece
Okay?
"Or not wear because sex happens naked." Send.
Cece
Okay, let me help you with that. "Just kidding. Get ready for a night you will never forget." Okay?
"Because once you see my body, you will go brain-dead and have memory loss." Send. Oh, no! Autocorrect changed "body" to "meat bar."
Cece
I got your text. When you're going through a "Taylor Swift-like range of emotions," I should come over, right?
You were the only one that I could talk to. Being brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women.
[at a Christmas party, ducking behind Schmidt and Cece] It's Sam! It's Sam! Put your coats on, we're leaving.
Cece
Sam Sam? Where?
Yes, he's right over there. He's talking to a woman whose sexuality I won't jump to conclusions about.
Cece
I know you're trying to avoid me, but just— just take this gift I got you and I will walk away.
I don't celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo-Saxon Winter Privilege Night.
[Schmidt and Robby go to Cece's apartment to try to win her back]
Cece
[whispering] Why are the two of you even together?!
Are you wearing a traditional sari?
Cece
Yes.
I begged you to wear a sari. I had all these sari-related sexual scenarios.
Cece
Shh!
Monsoon Bedding, The Best Erotic Maribone Hotel.
Cece
[whispering] Stop that.
Slum-Doggy-Style Millionaire.
Cece
Whaaaaaaaaaa...?!
It's so weird to think that Nick is the last person I kissed. Actually, Schmidt's the last person I kissed.
Cece
Okay, what?
It was nothing. Nick was watching.
Cece
What is happening in this loft?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's New Girl pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
New Girl · 119 quotes
