Coach quotes from New Girl

Coach

I'm gonna make a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? I hate that word." I'm gonna be like, "Just taste the cake." And they're gonna be like, "Damn, it's moist!"

Schmidt

We are hooking up tonight! All five of us. Including the gimp. This is the last wedding of the summer which means it is the last chance. Nobody meets anyone in fall or winter! What, are you going to gamble on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater?

Nick

[shakes head] Not me.

Schmidt

Do you realize how important this is?

Coach

I do!

Schmidt

Winter…is coming. [pause] No one comes home alone!

Jess

You know what? Yeah! Yeah, I’m in.

Schmidt

She’s in.

Jess

We’re all in.

Nick, Coach

Yeah!

Winston

I’m in! I can’t hear what’s going on, but I’m in!

Jess

All five of us out there, together, in the wild, getting some strange. Like a sex fist!

Coach

I’m sorry, what?

Nick

Mmm that’s not what you mean.

Schmidt

What’s a sex fist now?

Jess

One, two, three, four, five of us, together, make a fist.

Nick

You’re making a mistake right now.

Jess

Schmidt, Nick, Coach, Winston, Jess - sex fist…

Nick

That’s not…

Jess

…when you put them all together, tearing our way through the reception…

Nick

Slow down!

Coach

Are you listening to what you are saying?

Jess

Isn’t that sweet, it’s a metaphor for togetherness!

Winston

Oh, hey. How do I look?

Jess

Terrible.

Schmidt

N-Not for me.

Nick

Not great.

Coach

Like crap.

Jess

Go change.

Schmidt

I don't like any of it.

Winston

Wow. You guys are like rubbing alcohol. You sting me in the now, but you save me in the later.

Coach

Good morning! I, uh, I believe you all know May. If you'd like to exchange pleasantries, please do so now, as she is on her way out.

Nick

Why are you talking like you're high and I'm your dad?