NCIS · Season 5
[as they are waiting in Evidence Garage] Ooh! Tarot cards. Want to see what happens next?
I am dying with anticipation. [gets distracted]
Tony! We are about to summon the elusive elements of the cosmos. Concentrate.
I'm with you. Call the spirits. Tell them to bring a pizza.
[as Jeanne Benoit passes] Be a man, Tony.
She accused me of murder.
Who is the bad guy? Be a man. Go tell her what she needs to hear.
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all this.
Was any of it real?
No.
Long Live the Queen.
[walks in, smiling and carries a coffee to McGee's desk] For the one you got me last week.
Aw, thank you.
[leans in to see what he's looking at on screen and gasps] That is quite a kiss, McGee!
[grins] Not bad for a wallpaper, huh?
[chuckles] Well, you seem to be enjoying yourself. [muses] I have never seen a tongue quite so... long.
[walks in, looking at them curiously] McGee has a long tongue?
No, but the cutie-pie he's kissing does.
McGee's kissing a girl?
You can't see it, Tony.
Why not?
This is McGee's private photograph. And if he does not want you to see it here, then you have to respect his wishes. Or... [hits a key to bring it up on the squadroom plasma screen] ...see it elsewhere.
Hey!
[The picture turns out to be a very sweet one of McGee kneeling next to the dog Jethro, who is licking his face.]
[laughs] Oh, McRomeo... you should save that stuff for the bedroom.
You're just jealous.
Jealous? I don't think so. What you're doing there could be illegal in some states.
[Gibbs sees the photo of McGee "kissing" his dog.]
At least you don't have to pay alimony, McGee.
[Gibbs and Ziva are in Kelvin Ridgeway's office interviewing him]
We just didn't see eye to eye, ya know? He'd just complain to his wife about me and I'd complain to my girlfriend about him. Like I would assume you [points to Gibbs] complain to your wife about this one. [throws his stress ball at Ziva, who promptly catches it]
Her? Ha! [laughs] Oh no, I wouldn't mess with her!
[He gets up at leaves. Ziva throws back the stress ball, which has been mashed into an unrecognizable shape, and leaves. Ridgeway looks at the ball in disbelief]
[desperately] Can I, just, please go to the bathroom really quick?
No.
[Stenner looks at him in dismay] Okay.
Nah, I'm kidding. You can go.
[Tony and Nikki make video contact with Abby's lab from Baghdad.]
I didn't know you two were sharing a room.
They're sharing a room?
We're not exactly sharing a room.
(whispering furiously) Either they are sharing a room, or not sharing a room, I do not see what is so exact or not exact about it!
[She pastes a fake smile on her face and turns back to the screen.]
[at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
She seems unfazed.
Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
I'm not working. Just... drinking. Heidi! Uno mas, s'il vous plait.
You're mixing your languages.
And my liquors.
What's it like to shoot someone?
It is what it is. It is what you have to do.
What are you doing?
I'm checking into Locke's missing girlfriend. You?
Same.
What? Why?
[...]
Checking her medical records.
Why? Do you think she's been lying in some hospital unable to communicate?
No, I think she's been lying in a shallow grave unable to communicate.
Medical records are privileged information. You need a subpoena.
Not if you have an IOU from a county clerk with a very expressive poker face.
Look. If you're going to give me a lecture on my bad judgment, I don't need to hear it.
Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgment?
I should've moved earlier.
You would've if you could've.
I left it too late.
You still took him out.
I almost died.
But you didn't. You've got to trust your judgment, Ziva. Moment you don't, it won't be "almost."
[McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble]
Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.
Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.
[chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?
It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.
Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.
[chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.
[smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.
You peeked!
Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.
You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.
[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]
[frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.
[smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.
You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.
No....
[laughs] Sixty-two points!!!
Jedi wins.
I'm challenging!
[walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.
[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]
Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.
So he didn't actually lose.
Correct!
So he wasn't actually humiliated.
[Ziva and Tony look at each other and chuckle on their way out.]
[hurries after them, muttering] "Kwee"....
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
