NCIS · Season 3
You're not the only one that came into work dressed differently today.
I saw Tony and Ziva.
I was talking about me! Here's a hint...I'm not one of Village People!
Oh no, the habitat for humanity was this weekend? Abby, Abby I'm so sorry, okay I'm sorry I completely forgot. You must hate me!
(meaning she is still in love with him) I could never hate you McGee. (Places her hardhat on his head) Don't let it happen again.
I'm Ross Logan, I run this chapter of PBJ.
Peanut butter and jelly yes?
Actually no, it stands for Perverts Bought to Justice.
[about a fist-sized crack in a wall] Sign of an unhappy marriage.
Funny, I thought it looked like a hole in the wall.
I always say, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.
[Abby reports finding no gunshot residue on the suspect's clothes.]
He could have worn gloves-
Or changed his clothes, I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. That is why I am running a full residual analysis on all of Porter's wardrobe. [as Gibbs] How long, Abby? [as herself] Well it's gonna take some time, and the stuff doesn't smell very good; I don't think that laundry was a big priority... [Gibbs] Abs! [herself] Um, two hours? As soon as I know something, you'll know something. [Gibbs] You got one! Aything else? [herself] Yes, as a matter of fact. This... [hands him a cup of coffee] is for you.
Why?
For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in Administration have... wandering hands. [as Gibbs] Just give me their names, Abs, and I'll break 'em for you! [as herself] I know you would, Gibbs. And that is why I love you. [Gibbs smiles, kisses Abby on the cheek, and leaves]
So tell us Jane Bond, how do we track you down?
You don't, by now I've changed my apperance, replaced my identity with back-up documents, and relocated.
Promise? (Ziva smirks at him) Okay, so that about wraps it. Who's up for lunch? (Gibbs stands up) Boss, you might want to think about this 'cause I-I'll pay... (Gibbs headslaps him and Tony grimaces)
No one is eating until we find Yoon Dawson!
Like my father always said: "Be careful who you marry, Anthony, she may end up being a homicidal maniac."
Your father actually said that to you?
No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it.
Probably he knew your taste in women.
I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey…
Flies.
What do flies have to do with honey?
Flies... don't like... vinegar.
Vinegar?
It's complicated. Here he comes.
Yeah, Ziva, Tony. What happened back there with the bomb... I want you both to know...
You don't have to say it, boss. We know how you feel about us.
Gibbs, we're a team. That's what we do.
I was going to say, if either one of you two wingnuts ever disobey a direct order again, I'll kill you myself.
That's our boss.
Sensitivity training is gonna have to wait. Double homicide at Quantico. Marine wives. [to Tony, McGee and Ziva] Grab your gear!
[Tony is discreetly showing his joy]
Yes!
[McGee and Tony turn and look at her]
Inappropriate?
A bit.
That and you're probably the reasons why we have to take these stupid classes.
Today!
On your six Boss!
[McGee is walking down the hall wiping his tie and bumps into Gibbs, accidentally spilling his coffee]
Uh, Boss...I'm sorry, I didn't see you....
What did I say about apologizing McGee?
Sign of weakness.
So is barfing on your tie.
A good investigator doesn't sit back and wait. You run down every angle, every lead. Assume everything you've been told is a lie until it checks out.
You got it.
There's only one time I want you to stop, McGee.
When you tell me.
When you're satisfied. [points to McGee] When you're satisfied.
This is not one of your stupid action movies, Tony.
No it isn't, if it was you'd be dressed differently.
And you'd be far better-looking.
(McGee laughs)
You'd be dead by the opening credits.
(Ziva laughs)
Ever stop to think that maybe I am the plucky comic relief?
Boss, did you find her?
Yeah McGee, she's hiding in my coffee cup.
(About a bomb) Can you disarm it?
I had a couple days maybe, you?
I could try, but I suggest not standing within five miles of here whilst I attempt it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
