“Deception” · Season 3, Episode 13
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (5), Ziva David (5), Abby Sciuto (4), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (2), Timothy McGee (1)
[Tony and Ziva in plain clothes get caught by a gun-holding security officer while searching a suspect's house]
Relax, quickdraw, we're Feds.
Yeah? What agency?
NCIS.
Never heard of it.
Naval Criminal Investigative...
Never-heard-of-it.
[sighs] Never actually get used to that. You think you will, but you never do.
[speaking into his radio] Central? Got two suspects claiming to be Feds.
[glances at the radio] No little red light on the radio means the radio not working.
[Ziva escapes her cuffs and subdues the obnoxious Security Officer, aiming her gun at him.]
Nobody's going to shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
He called me a dirtbag.
[whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
[angrier] "Ma'am"?
[Tony facepalms]
You haven't met our hacker.
He's good?
Does a bear sit in the woods?
Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
She's Israeli.
Look, I know I got the bear thing right.
[to Gibbs] Thank you, sir.
Don't call me sir.
Thank you, ma'am.
[The team tracks their kidnap victim's cell phone to two teens sneaking beer in the woods.]
Who's on the phone?
Uh, my girlfriend.
[Ziva takes the phone.]
[sexy voice] Hi... [giggles] Oh, my God, don't touch me there!
What?
He's gonna have to call you back, bye!
Wait a second...!
[hangs up, to Danny] You're busted.
[Trying to identify a sound] Train tracks?
Yes, that would be the obvious choice, but there isn't a second thunk or a thack, not even a thock on the track.
You've been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss books?
You know I love me some Theodore Geisel.
[to Gibbs] If I finish quickly maybe I can get back to Habitat for Humanity. I'm doing a bunch of wiring for them this weekend.
We'll see Abby.
Thank you, sir.
Don't call me sir.
Thank you, ma'am.
You're not the only one that came into work dressed differently today.
I saw Tony and Ziva.
I was talking about me! Here's a hint...I'm not one of Village People!
Oh no, the habitat for humanity was this weekend? Abby, Abby I'm so sorry, okay I'm sorry I completely forgot. You must hate me!
(meaning she is still in love with him) I could never hate you McGee. (Places her hardhat on his head) Don't let it happen again.
I'm Ross Logan, I run this chapter of PBJ.
Peanut butter and jelly yes?
Actually no, it stands for Perverts Bought to Justice.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
