Kensi Blye quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Deeks

I'm gonna call you Fern, okay?

Kensi

Don't you dare call me Fern!

Deeks

[Loudly] Fern! Baby girl. Hoo. It's been a long time.

Eric

This is traffic cam footage pulled from that intersection approximately 15 minutes ago.

Kensi

I'll call Deeks. Make sure LAPD knows we'll be handling this discreetly.

Sam

Eric, pull up everything you've got about this guy.

Eric

According to initial reports, the dead man's name was Michael St. Paris. No criminal record. Employed by North Gate Elite Security. They're a private investigation firm specialising in surveillance work.

Sam

He was running a tail. G caught him, so St. Paris bolted. I'll call North Gate and see who hired him.

Eric

Callen left the crash scene almost immediately. He must have stuck to blind spots and moved fast because no cameras got him. Also, his phone went dead right after he sent that alert to Hetty. Off the grid.

Kensi

Could this have anything to do with Agent Macy's murder in Annapolis?

Hetty

No. It's unrelated.

Nate

What's Callen going to do now?

Hetty

What he does best. Become a ghost.

Sam

Um, so we can't find him?

Hetty

Not until he's ready to be found.

Deeks

I think there's something wrong with you hot water heater.

Hetty

The showers are on timers Mr. Deeks, you obviously exceeded the recommended duration.

Kensi

You might want to make an exception in his case, he really needs it.

Deeks

For your information, I won the hygiene award in high school.

Eric

What kind of school rewards you for bathing?

Deeks

I don't know, man, a sparkly clean one?

Kensi

Nell's been here less than a week, and has already taken over whistle duties. Eric is not a happy camper.

Sam

Ah, he shouldn't worry. It won't be long before she's folding her tent like all the others.

Deeks

Because?

Callen

Many mysteries of Hetty. For some reason intelligence analysts just seem to rub her the wrong way.

He might be a lof of things, but Andre couldn't do something like that to a young girl.

Kensi

I agree. I don't think he did it. But I don't think he was home last night either. And I bet you'd like to know where he was. Was your husband home last night?

[Long pause. Then Kensi starts to leave] Wait, I didn't give my answer.

Kensi

Yeah, you did.

Eric

Well, this is weird. According to the military database, there's no Tracy Keller listed as next of kin.

Callen

That's because the name's an alias.

Kensi

An alias for who?

Callen

My ex-wife.

Kensi

Dead guy Deeks.

Deeks

Se, that's not... that's not funny.

Kensi

Not you, you idiot!

Deeks

Oh hey, yeah, dead guy... well dressed dead guy.

Deeks

Hence the 10-year rule.

Kensi

Mhm?

Deeks

You should always know your partner at least ten years prior to marrying them. You date me for a decade, you deserve my hand in marriage.

Kensi

That sounds so much more like a punishment than a reward.

Callen

Kensi, don't let him crowd you. Watch his shoulders. He's telegraphing.

Sam

I thought you were on my side.

Callen

I don't take sides.

Sam

Then stop coaching. Okay.

Callen

Circle to his outside.

Sam

I thought we were partners.

Callen

We are, but I'm having second thoughts. [Sam and Kensi continues to train] It's a tie. Again. Way to go, Kens.

Kensi

Thank you.

Sam

Tough girl. I went easy on her.

Callen

Uh-huh.

Kensi

Oh, please.

Callen

What's up, Deeks?

Deeks

Got a shooting at the Federal Building. What are you kids doing in here?

Kensi

Training.

Deeks

For what, Pirate Fest?

Callen

Well, you're welcome to challenge Captain Blye anytime you want. She just bested Sam ten to three.

Deeks

Really? Did you go easy on her?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Really?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Kensi with a knife? [Kensi shocks Deeks] Ow. Oh, my Aah. Okay, I'm coming. That really hurt.

Kensi

You don't trust me. I'd say that's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you?

Deeks

I just have a thing about my gun!

Kensi

At this point in our relationship, after all the stuff that we've done...

Deeks

[frowns] Escusss-sss...

Kensi

Wha-what?

Deeks

I'm sorry... Did you just say relationship?

Kensi

No. I said partnership. Okay? [pauses] You're very annoying!

Federal agents! Don't move!

Deeks

LAPD!

NSA!

Kensi

NCIS!

Deeks

M O U S E!

What are you doing here?

Kensi

This is our case.

Sebastian Renner was a foreign national with information considered a threat to the United States of America.

Kensi

Still our case.

We don't have to be adversaries, after all we are on the same side. Perhaps we can work together. Have you found anything that might be....[Gets kicked in the gonads by Kensi]

Deeks

WHOA!!! [Kensi then puts her knee into the guys face knocking him unconscious and Deeks fights with the guy's partner and wins by body slamming him into a table leaving the partner unconscious.] What are you doing? You heard the guy! We're on the same side!

Kensi

I'm pretty sure they're not NSA.

Deeks

Pretty sure? Because you teed off on him like you were kicking a field goal!

Kensi

Deeks! I've got a hunch they're foreign operatives, ok?

Deeks

A hunch! You don't kick a guy in his junk on a hunch. Geez! Sometimes I don't even know you! Who does that?

Callen

Did you take anything new away from Renner's?

Kensi

Yes-- these two guys. These jokers waltzed in while we were there, tried to pass themselves off as NSA agents, but they're DGSE -- French Intelligence Agency.

Sam

How'd you know they were bogus?

Kensi

[shrugging] Their accents.

Deeks

They didn't have accents.

Kensi

Do you know the difference between French open syllabic organization and English trochaic speech patterning, Deeks?

Deeks

[awkwardly] That old chestnut?

Sam

Where are they now?

Deeks

Had my LAPD buddies lock 'em up downtown for a few hours. You know, give 'em a taste of the real LA that's not in the star tours.

Callen

They probably have diplomatic immunity.

Deeks

That's exactly why we put them in county. I mean they're going to be lucky if they get to make a phone call by Christmas!

Sam

Hm.

Deeks

Just, uh... don't let Kensi interrogate them.

Callen

Why is that?

Deeks

Well, 'cause the guy on the right, she kicked him right in the nom de plumes.

Sam

No!

Deeks

Guy didn't even have his weapon out!

Callen

Really?

Kensi

I...

Deeks

Uh huh. Right in the cul-de-sac. Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomachache!

Kensi

So what? It would have been better if I had pistol whipped him across the face?

[simultaneously] Yes!

Callen

Anybody see anything?

Eric

Wait a second. I've got one of the guys who killed the cop. He's at the bus stop across the street.

Sam

Three more guys in a Jaguar pulling up behind you, G. [realizes] This is a stakeout.

Deeks

A stakeout for what?

Callen

Us. Cole must have told them about Renner's safe deposit box before they killed him. Without the key, they're stuck.

Kensi

They're waiting for us to get the book. Then they're going to try and take it.

Sam

They got to ID us first.

Callen

[answers his cellphone] Yeah?

Do not move, Agent Callen.

Callen

[looks down and spots a red dot on his chest] Sam, I think they already have.

Deeks

Want to get some ice cream?

Kensi

Deeks! Look out!

Give us the book.

Kensi

We don't have it.

Purse.

Kensi

Told you.

Then get in the car!

Then four of us die, and one of us lives.

Deeks

He's got a point. All right. Take me.

Kensi

Deeks.

Deeks

She's just a cop, you know? She's not even an agent. To tell you the truth, no one even really likes her that much, you know? Too pretty for her own good - kind of a snob.

Get in the car!

Deeks

Kensi! Don't move.

Kensi

Nice try Deeks.

Deeks

Kensi!

Kensi

It's ok. You'll get me back.

Tell your superior her life for the book.

Deeks

Oh, yeah? How do you know I'm not the superior? I could be. Kensi?

Deeks

Damn it! Eric, I got a license plate for you. It's Nine-Queen-John-Item, Nine-Zero-Five. [Sam and Callen arrive to Deeks] They got Kensi.