Hetty Lange quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Hetty

Personally, I do not respond to being whistled at like a sheep dog, but Eric seems to have trained the others. So, I suggest you learn the appropriate Pavlovian response. [Dominic has a questioning look on his face] Which is Go! Go, doggie, go!

Hetty

[to Nate] You know in my experience if you're patient, sooner or later, the people who need to talk will seek you out; often under the guise of some other intention. You just have to listen.

Hetty

(to Sam) There will be a time and a place for what you want. And I promise you; you'll have it.

Hetty

(to Kensi) I once ruled Nicaragua for 72 hours. Don't ask.

Hetty

The spy game has more in common with selling used cars than any of us would like to admit.

Hetty

Wardrobe for your undercover work. I know you grew up in the well-meaning, but cold embrace of the welfare state, Mr. Callen, but, just because you're an orphan, doesn't mean that you have to dress like Oliver Twist. Now, we need something, modern, individual, that speaks to the man within. [hands him clothes] That's not for you to admire, it's for you to try on. Here, and here, and here. [holds up clothes] This or this?

Callen

Those.

Hetty

Uh, fitted boot jean, medium weight, distressed denim. I think we need something more relaxed, Mr. Callen. [Callen chuckles] Something amuses you?

Callen

Oh, it's just in three years, you've never called me "G".

Hetty

It's not a name, it's a letter. Now, if you were to tell me what the "G" stands for.

Callen

No one ever told me.

Hetty

Expense accounts--you're 6 months behind. I would have thought that, seeing you had time off for recuperation, you would have caught up on your paperwork.

Callen

Please tell me you're kidding me, Hetty.

Hetty

Well, I could, but it would be a lie. No rush! Tomorrow will be fine...

Nate

What is the world coming to, when drug dealers aren't even safe in the comfort of their own fortified homes?

Hetty

Oh, your professional psychological analysis is an invaluable asset to our team, Nate.

Nate

Thanks, Hetty.

Hetty

But your stand up needs some work. Save it for open mike night.

Hetty

What's wrong, Sam?

Sam

Why does something have to be wrong? Can't a guy get some exercise?

Hetty

Pilates is exercise. Beating the hell out of something is an aggressive expression of male frustration.

Hetty

Few men know how to deal with a smart, strong independent woman. They say they want a soul mate to share their dreams and their hopes with, but all they really want is a substitute mommy.

Nate

Okay, as a professional psychologist, I have to completely--

Hetty

[interrupts him] Nate, sit down!

Nate

Cool, I'm going to sit.

Sam

How fast can we get that footage off the web?

Eric

With or without the cooperation of Sphereguide.com's legal department? [Sam looks at him] Okay, cutting through the legal tape... [types in some code and grins] I just crashed their entire server.

Hetty

[yelling from her office] Idiot hackers!!!

Eric

Uh-oh

Callen

Sam, I think we're due in the boathouse.

Sam

Walking!

Callen

Eric did it.

Sam

Hey, Hetty.

Hetty

I was watching that viral video with the cats, and the trampoline, and the site just froze up and crashed on me! Did you have anything to do with that?

Hetty

What is this Mr. Callen?

Callen

Uh, that is a knit combed cotton.

Hetty

With a bloodstain.

Callen

I would never bleed on your wardrobe, it had to be a bad guy.

Hetty

Good, bad or ugly, I don't care. The point is you neglected to tell me about it and now it's set long enough so that it might be permanent.

Sam

Hetty, it's just a shirt.

Hetty

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is not just a shirt. This is a Saville Row one hundred percent polished Egyptian cotton hand stitched with pearl buttons. That thing you're wearing is just a shirt.

Sam

Yeah, but it's a comfy shirt.

Hetty

(to Callen) Your new color scheme is black.

Callen

I can live with black.

Hetty

And the duress word is?

Uh, uh.

Hetty

He who hesitates... is lost, Dominic. In your line of work... dead.

Uh, "shadows."

Hetty

And with the utterance of that single word the cavalry will race to the rescue. Let's hope they don't get caught in traffic.

Sam

Operators are made, they're not born, G. Skills can be taught.

Sam

Teachers learn to be teachers, cops learn to be cops.

Callen

Mm-hmm. And somebody taught LeBron how to dunk from the free-throw line.

Sam

SEALs learn to be SEALs, G.

Callen

Oh, that's right. You couldn't swim when you enlisted, could you? How long did they let you wear the floaties? Look, I will take a lazy natural operator over an all-night studier any day of the week.

Sam

[sarcastic] It's too late, I already did it.

Callen

Mm-hm.

Hetty

Nature versus nurture, quite the conundrum.

Callen

You cannot use the word "conundrum" before 9:30, Hetty.

Hetty

9:31, which means, Mr. Callen, you're late.

Whoa!

Eric

Hel-lo!

Hetty

If only your vocabularies could be augmented as much. [walks away]

Busted.