Marty Deeks quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Deeks

Maybe we should act like partners, so we can save our partners, so you and I don't have to be partners.

Deeks

How's that for communication?

Deeks

Yo, Deeks, that was crazy man! You just … saved that woman’s life and fell down a 90-foot cliff! What? Don’t worry about it. That’s just the job, man. It’s what I do. Break hearts and save lives! Huh? Just knowing you guys care, that’s enough. Right? Argh! Uh, what does it mean when you’ve got shooting pains going down your back and you can’t feel your legs?

Kensi

I emailed him some photos, private photos.

Deeks

You mean like the two of you watching the sunset at Santa Monica Pier or the kind where you're not wearing anything but a smile?

Kensi

Certain kind of person finds photos like that, they end up on the Internet.

Deeks

Wow. So definitely, uh, x-rated then, huh? Nobody under 17 admitted? Well played.

Deeks

Hmm... Who are you guys?... I mean... I mean... H-how did you get all this information?... I mean the only thing missing here is... (She hands him a pen)

Hetty

No need to date it.

Hetty

$50,000 limit. However, if more than $5000 is charged to this card, I will come for you with my letter opener. Is that clear, Mr. Deeks?

Deeks

Got it. Wait, what? You want me to sign this? Cause it's Cal - it's Callen's card.

Hetty

And you're the guarantor.

Deeks

I'm gonna call you Fern, okay?

Kensi

Don't you dare call me Fern!

Deeks

[Loudly] Fern! Baby girl. Hoo. It's been a long time.

Callen

I'm supposed to look like I can spend 50 and you're on the hook after five?

Deeks

She threatened me with a letter opener!

Callen

I guess some people gotta learn the hard way.

Deeks

Why? What are you-?

Callen

[Loudly to a waitress] We'll take two more bottles.

Deeks

Oh, come on. What? You got some sort of Superman double back flip where you can dodge bullets? I mean you can't tell me I shouldn't have taken that shot.

Callen

No. I'm glad you did.

Deeks

I think there's something wrong with you hot water heater.

Hetty

The showers are on timers Mr. Deeks, you obviously exceeded the recommended duration.

Kensi

You might want to make an exception in his case, he really needs it.

Deeks

For your information, I won the hygiene award in high school.

Eric

What kind of school rewards you for bathing?

Deeks

I don't know, man, a sparkly clean one?

Kensi

Nell's been here less than a week, and has already taken over whistle duties. Eric is not a happy camper.

Sam

Ah, he shouldn't worry. It won't be long before she's folding her tent like all the others.

Deeks

Because?

Callen

Many mysteries of Hetty. For some reason intelligence analysts just seem to rub her the wrong way.

Callen

She retired, last I heard. That was 5 years ago.

Hetty

[Entering] Undercover agents don't retire. They just go deeper.

Deeks

[Quietly to Kensi] You guys ever consider putting a bell around her neck?

Hetty

Many people have tried, Mr. Deeks.

Callen

What'd you say to him?

Deeks

Ah, there's this little rule about not dating the captain's daughter.

Callen

He broke it?

Deeks

All over the captain's desk.

Kensi

Dead guy Deeks.

Deeks

Se, that's not... that's not funny.

Kensi

Not you, you idiot!

Deeks

Oh hey, yeah, dead guy... well dressed dead guy.

Deeks

Hence the 10-year rule.

Kensi

Mhm?

Deeks

You should always know your partner at least ten years prior to marrying them. You date me for a decade, you deserve my hand in marriage.

Kensi

That sounds so much more like a punishment than a reward.