Eric Beale quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Eric

(whistles for the team) You hear the shrill, you know the drill!

Eric

Hacking is like sex. You've got to get to know all the aspects of the server - her secrets, her fears.

Sam

How fast can we get that footage off the web?

Eric

With or without the cooperation of Sphereguide.com's legal department? [Sam looks at him] Okay, cutting through the legal tape... [types in some code and grins] I just crashed their entire server.

Hetty

[yelling from her office] Idiot hackers!!!

Eric

Uh-oh

Callen

Sam, I think we're due in the boathouse.

Sam

Walking!

Callen

Eric did it.

Sam

Hey, Hetty.

Hetty

I was watching that viral video with the cats, and the trampoline, and the site just froze up and crashed on me! Did you have anything to do with that?

Vance

Eric.

Eric

Director.

Vance

Congratulations on the milestone.

Eric

Aw, thank you. [chuckles and Callen and Sam stare at Eric] It's Facebook, he's friend number five hundred. He's kinda honored.

Whoa!

Eric

Hel-lo!

Hetty

If only your vocabularies could be augmented as much. [walks away]

Busted.

Eric

This is Eric.

Hetty

It's good to hear you still know who you are.

Eric

Ah, Hetty, you having a good time in Washington?

Hetty

The last person to have a good time in Washington was General Jubal Early in 1864, he was attacking it at the time.

Vance

I'm sending our top forensics specialist to assist you.

Sam

But there are no forensics.

Vance

Our forensic expert has a theory about this crime that's, shall we say, original. Thinks McEllon is the victim of a serial killer. No other law enforcement organization in this country thinks this killer even exists. Can't say I do either.

Callen

And you're sending this person why?

Vance

I was ganged up on. [Vance signals for an end to the video conference.]

Callen

Who gangs up on the director of a federal agency?

Hetty

Oh, you'd be surprised Mr. Callen.

Callen

And who's the expert?

Abby

[Off screen] Oops. I think I took a wrong turn. Hello?

Eric

Abby? We're in here.

Abby

[enters Ops] There you are. Hi. Wow! This place is seriously cool.

Abby

So, I'm sure Leon has told you that I know who killed McEllon.

Eric

Wait, you call him Leon?

Abby

You don't?

Eric

Not successfully.

Abby

Give it time.

Sam

Then why pay a heist crew? Why not hire a hacker?

Eric

Because banks have unique security protocols for funds frozen by the FBI. You have to have physical access to the actual terminal to move the money.

Callen

But that's never stopped you before.

Eric

Well, most hackers don't have access to the toys that I do. I can make us all very wealthy in about two minutes. [Sam & Callen stare at him] I mean if you wanted me to. [They keep staring] Not that you would want me to, not that I would want to. I'm just saying... you know.

Sam

What are the chances this isn't a suicide?

Eric

I'd say zero percent.

Callen

What do you know that we don't?

Eric

Mmmmm... The words to every TV theme song?

Eric

[on a segway] I'm a firm believer that what you drive reflects who you are.

Sam

[chuckles] Exactly.

Eric

Whatever.

Sam

[looking at Callen] The way you drive.

Hetty

Wushu is the Chinese martial art with 18 arms or weapons. I prefer the steel whip or the meteor hammer, but you have to stay in practise with all of them.

Callen

No doubt. I mean, you never know when a horde of murderous Mongols are gonna come galloping over Laurel Canyon.

Eric

[blows a whistle from the balcony to the rest of the team] All hands on deck.

Callen

[to Hetty] You gave him a whistle?

Hetty

Oh, do I look as if I've gone daft? I'd sooner give a chain saw to a spider monkey. At least I took his Segway away. I'll speak to Mr. Beale.

Sam

Sooner than later, okay. Because the next time he toots that thing, he won't be using his lips.

Hetty

You know I despise your wardrobe, particularly those flip-flops, not to mention your surfboard leaning preciously close to my car. The sand you track into the OPS center or the millions of dollars of top-secret technology you use to play your frivolous video games.

Eric

I only left my surfboard near you car once... twice. I don't do it anymore.

Hetty

But I tolerate it all, for the most part. And, do you know why, Mr. Beale?

Eric

My playful kitten-like personality? I don't know why I just said that. I make jokes when I'm nervous... use humor as a defense mechanism. It's a bad habit. I don't even know why I'm still talking.

Hetty

I tolerate it because you are unequalled at what you do. I am the way I am because I demand the best. This is an elite unit whose unparalleled success rests on the superior skills of those who work here. And that's why I know that if anyone can fix this, it is you.

Callen

You okay?

Eric

I'm not comfortable with authority figures. It's why I do what I do, computers don't talk back. Well, I mean technically they can, but even then I can manipulate the voice to make it soothing, if I want. Sexy, even.

Callen

Too much information!

Eric

This is traffic cam footage pulled from that intersection approximately 15 minutes ago.

Kensi

I'll call Deeks. Make sure LAPD knows we'll be handling this discreetly.

Sam

Eric, pull up everything you've got about this guy.

Eric

According to initial reports, the dead man's name was Michael St. Paris. No criminal record. Employed by North Gate Elite Security. They're a private investigation firm specialising in surveillance work.

Sam

He was running a tail. G caught him, so St. Paris bolted. I'll call North Gate and see who hired him.

Eric

Callen left the crash scene almost immediately. He must have stuck to blind spots and moved fast because no cameras got him. Also, his phone went dead right after he sent that alert to Hetty. Off the grid.

Kensi

Could this have anything to do with Agent Macy's murder in Annapolis?

Hetty

No. It's unrelated.

Nate

What's Callen going to do now?

Hetty

What he does best. Become a ghost.

Sam

Um, so we can't find him?

Hetty

Not until he's ready to be found.