Kensi Blye quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Kensi

Hetty's never given us anything for Christmas before. Why this year?

Callen

Exactly.

Deeks

Because she knows I like surprises.

Sam

You guys ever feel like we're stuck babysitting some kid whose parents won't come to get him - ever.

Kensi

(about her ex-fiance) He said life over there was like falling through the sky. Constant rush of adrenaline. Everything felt vivid and real... And coming home to me - coming home to me felt like hitting the ground. And I did - I did everything I could. (Kensi starts sobbing) Oh my... I worked with a psychiatrist. I helped with his meds and I listened. I always listened - always. It was Christmas morning, I woke up and he was gone.

Where did he go?

Deeks

(from observation) She's - she's playing him. She's trying to get him to open up, right?

Sam

Kensi, I know what you're going through. I've been there.

Kensi

I watched Jack...slip away. Maybe I didn't try hard enough.

Sam

I don't believe that for one minute. I know what it's like to have someone I care about come back from deployment a different person.

Kensi

After all that Talbot's been through, I'm going to do everything in my power to help him!

Sam

Kensi, Talbot's not Jack.

So what do we do now?

Kensi

We'll, uh, we do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Deeks

Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in a toaster?

Deeks

I'm going for cryogenic suspension.

Kensi

Ah.

Deeks

Mm-hmm. Frozen in a suspended state of animation and then thawed out when they have medical technology to bring me back.

Kensi

Can we keep you in the office? Ooo. With a little viewing window like an aquarium. That would be so cool.

Deeks

You mock me now. Twenty years from now when I come back, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to marry your daughter.

Oh!

Deeks

That is awkward.

Kensi

That is creepy.

Deeks

The report says it's a home invasion gone bad. Yousef Afzal was killed by blunt force trauma to the head, he was hit, he fell, and then died.

Kensi

And then half autopsied.

Sam

And then stolen.

Callen

That's a bad day, even for a dead guy.

Callen

So why do you steal a dead body?

Kensi

Proof of death.

Sam

Satanic ritual.

Deeks

Cannibalism.

Deeks

I was just thinking outside the box.

Sam

You need to get back in the box.

Kensi

Can you shut down his server?

Eric

His server, his cell service, his electricity. You name it.

Deeks

Can you get me free cable?

Deeks

No, because that would be piracy.

Is that what you call surveillance?

Deeks

Uh, we sure as hell surveilled your FBI asses.

You're interfering with a federal investigation.

Kensi

Uh, our investigation, actually.

We've been working this case for months.

Callen

And it's clearly time for us to take over.

Kensi

You wouldn't have even known there was a leak if Naval Intelligence hadn't discovered it.

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Kensi

No. But there is a moron in all this - several, in fact.

Deeks

Oh, snap. What? Point: Kensi. FBI serves.

You've overstepped your jurisdiction. We're the senior agency here.

Callen

Good point. But... it's best to be sure about a thing like that. I'll get Hetty in on this. [speed-dials cell phone] Hetty, this is Callen. We got a situation.

Hetty? As in Henrietta Lange?

Kensi

You know her?

We've heard stories.

Sounds like a whole lot of urban legend if you ask me.

Deeks

Au contrare, mon frer. She's real. And you do not want that little chupacabra surveilling your asses.

Callen

[hands his phone to Frisbee] She wants to talk to you.

This is Agent Frisbee.

Eric

[whispering] Landon Archibald Frisbee, born in Hackensack, New Jersey.

Hetty

Agent Landon Archibald Frisbee from Hackensack?

Yes.

Nell

His wife's name's Darlene.

Hetty

How's your wife, Darlene?

She's fine.

Eric

[whispering] Lots of late-night phone calls to this woman... Uh, Heather Teasdale. She's a recent divorcée, works in the same federal building.

Hetty

How's Heather?

[clears throat] Heather?

Hetty

Teasdale. Oh, no. Oh, was that a secret? I'm so sorry. I think we can both agree, Agent Frisbee, that this is a matter of national security.

It's "Freeze-be."

Hetty

I would hate to have to call Bobby and complain to him about your reluctance to collaborate with us on such a serious matter.

Bobby?

Hetty

Your director!

[clears throat] I don't, um... Think that'll be necessary.

Hetty

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. Have a wonderful day... Agent Frisbee.

It's Freeze... [Hetty hangs up] [phone beeps]

Deeks

[Kensi is eating her breakfast] You want to talk about it?

Kensi

No.

Deeks

We're - we're here to listen.

Kensi

No, I'm fine.

Sam

Let her eat her feelings in peace.

Deeks

I didn't tell her because I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal.

Kensi

You went out with one of her girlfriends.

Deeks

For drinks, all right? And it was her friend's idea. I - I was just being polite.

Kensi

So you wouldn't have slept with her friend if she'd offered?

Deeks

No... Okay, maybe. But just to be polite. You know, because I'm a hopeless romantic.

Kensi

To me, you're just hopeless.

Sam

Besides you don't look like a cop.

Deeks

Okay, that's on purpose! All this [gestures at his face] is so I can work undercover.

Sam

As what? Shaggy from Scooby-Doo?

Kensi

Oh my god, you do look like Shaggy!

Kensi

Oh hey, guys! What did Eric do with the video?

Sam

He shut down the Internet.

Kensi

(looking astonished) What....the WHOLE Internet?

Sam

(matter-of-fact) Yeah.

Deeks

Even Twitter? Whoa.

Kensi

Callen, who' Deeks' next of kin?

Callen

That's a good question.

Deeks

Do I know you?

Kensi

Deeks.

Kensi

I'm serious, Deeks.

Deeks

My name is Deeks. really? I'm just kidding, I remember you Fern.

Kensi

Yeah? You're a funny guy? I'm gonna punch you in your bullet hole.

Deeks

That sounds vaguely dirty. I think I'm gonna have to tell Hetty.