Marty Deeks quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Eric

I'm sending you a still from Canter's parking security cams. Leyla was always there with a very formidable man.

Deeks

[looks at the picture on Kensi's phone] Wow. And that is a formidable toupee.

Kensi

[shows Edna a screenshot of the man] Come on. You can't forget a guy who lives with a cat on his head.

Callen

Turner still not talking?

Deeks

He's a durian.

Kensi

And, by that, he means prickly, self-protective, and hard to crack.

Kensi

That's you and me, Kensi and Deeks, Deeks and Kensi. Alone we are bold, we are brash, we can move mountains. But together we're...

Deeks

We're safe.

Kensi

Yeah. We're safe. I wanna be bold Deeks but I wanna be bold with you.

Deeks

So no more games then.

Kensi

No more games.

Deeks

Chips on the table.

Kensi

All in.

Deeks

All in.

Kensi

Tonight?

Deeks

Tomorrow.

Kensi

And...The day after .. (Deeks interrupts her with a kiss)

Deeks

Maybe he can get us a discount on low-flow shower heads.

Kensi

(chuckles)

Deeks

You know showers account for 1.2 trillion gallons of water a year?

Kensi

Maybe he can get us a low-flow fixture for your mouth.

Deeks

Maybe he can get us a water softener for your attitude.

Deeks

I gotta be honest, I'm not happy with you, Alejandro. I think I pulled a hamstring, I definitely stained my jeans, and what? Over a few simple questions?

Kensi

Were you driving Perez's truck? Who was in the front seat?

Deeks

You know what? Why don't we start off with an easy one, huh? So my toilet's running. Yeah? Even after I exchanged that little flapper thing at the bottom of the tank. So what the heck am I supposed to do now?

Kensi

Got a ladder.

Deeks

Ah! Bienvenidos a México.

Kensi

Uh huh! Who’s going up?

Deeks

We should probably rock-paper-scissors for it, West coast rules?

Kensi

Let’s do it.

Deeks

On three. One, two, three!

Kensi

Rock beats scissors. You’re going up.

Deeks

Wha, what, what? No, no, the winner stays, the loser goes.

Kensi

Who came up with that rule?

Deeks

I think it’s pretty obvious ‘cause the winner lives and the loser faces certain death.

Kensi

Fine, I go up. You’re such a gentleman!

Deeks

No! All right, I got it, I got it! (Deeks stops Kensi while she’s going up.)

Kensi

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Kensi

Aww! Don’t worry, they probably fled when they heard the gunshots.

Deeks

Or maybe they’re waiting right there with a bunch of AKs pointing at my head.

Kensi

I think we're moving too fast.

Deeks

And it's awesome.

Kensi

We are around each other every day.

Deeks

Totally awesome.

Kensi

We see each other every night.

Deeks

Totally and completely awesome.

Kensi

Deeks, this isn't normal.

Deeks

We're not normal. Our fondest memories include Taliban bullet holes and Hetty Lange. You're no Bridget Jones and I am no....whatever the male equivalent to Bridget Jones is.

Deeks

Listen, you got any Gurkha wisdom for me? Because Kay-Kay's been fighting me ever since we woke up.

Fighting since you woke up? Hold on. Last time I was here, you were still trying to figure out your feelings. How long since?

Deeks

Christmas.

You've already moved in together?

Deeks

No. Well I mean, we spend pretty much every night together, and, obviously, every day together.

Are you crazy?

Deeks

Maybe.

Who moves that fast? Last time I was here, I advised you, be patient.

Deeks

You think we're moving too fast?

Most new couples do. Spending every moment together, staging photos to display their happiness, introducing them to friends and family. It feels real before it becomes real.

Deeks

Wow. You know a lot about women.

I'm a Gurkha, not a monk.

Deeks

[In the boathouse, watching Callen interview a suspect] Wow, well played, Callen. Well played. You got 'im wrapped around your pinky. Not that it isn't something I haven't done a thousand times. Except for, of course, I did it in a courtroom with a ton of people. The judge [Holds up his hands as if he's staring through the scope on rifle] staring me down. The jury, sizing me up, sayin' what you got, public defender? What. You. Got?

Eric

[On the monitor] Uh... Deeks?

Deeks

Huh?

Eric

You, you know that I can hear you... right?

Deeks

Yeah. No, no. Yeah, I know- definitely know that you can- I mean I knew that you were there... if that's what you're asking.

Nell

[Moves on screen] Good, because I'm here, too.

Deeks

Oh. Nell. [laughing self-consciously] Hi.

Nell

'S up?

Granger

[Moves on screen] Detective.

Deeks

Oohph. Granger. Of course, Granger is there. It's like the whole Opsapalooze. What's going on, guys? What can I do you for?

Granger

Question. Do you crumble graham crackers into your S'mores-cakes?

Deeks

So... Joelle’s good?

Callen

She’s good. (pause) She’s great

Deeks

Great. Great. great, great.

Callen

How’s Kensi?

Deeks

Uh? Kensi? She ... you know, she’s good. I don't know why you’re asking me, I mean you work with her, you know she’s ... she’s good right? Because, I don’t know ... why would I ...?

Callen

(chuckles)

Deeks

What? (pause) You know, don’t you?

Callen

Of course I know.

Deeks

Who else knows?

Callen

Well, let’s see. Sam, Nell, Hetty, of course, Eric, took a little while but he finally got there, the guys at the motor pool... Pretty much everyone at this point.

Deeks

What about Granger?

Callen

Granger I’m not so sure about. He’s definitely mellowed since his poisoning but he could just be buying his time, waiting for the right moment to crush you both.

Deeks

Wow, that is ... awesome.

Callen

Uh huh! Don’t pretend like you didn’t know the risks.

Deeks

I’m just wondering if this partner shuffle has something to do with us.

Callen

That is a question only Hetty can answer.

You’re a detective?

Deeks

Yeah.

You don’t look like they do on tv.

Deeks

What do they look like on tv?

Like suits, you know, professional?

Deeks

Yeah, well I learned a long time ago that wearing a suit doesn’t make you professional.

Deeks

Why'd you run?

I like to keep in shape.

Deeks

Every federal prison has a running track. I'm sure you'll utilize that.