Marty Deeks quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Deeks

You uh, you missed a - button.

Kensi

Oh. You heard the guy. He was this close to giving up his partner. I had him eating out my hand.

Deeks

How's that?

Kensi

Just drive.

Deeks

The real question is: do you think you were born a tomboy or did you become one because your father really wanted a son?

Kensi

You did not just say that!

Sam

What are former French Operatives doing in our country, period?

Deeks

You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Kensi kicked one of their ferers in the croissants.

Kensi

You know it.

Callen

He's got a grenade!

Deeks

Oh come on! Who does that?

I appreciate your help, but I can't come in with you. I only have *12 hours* to find my family!

Kensi

What if you don't?

Deeks

I don't have much of a choice.

Sam

Are you really prepared to kill Jada?

Deeks

...Please don't try to follow me. I'm sorry.

Deeks

I'm not talking about what they want, alright? Forget what they want. I'm talking about us. Alright, I'm your partner what makes you think I'm gonna let you do this by yourself?

Kensi

Because you're my partner and this is my mother and you're the only person I trust.

Kensi

You didn't give me a chance to miss you, Deeks.

Deeks

Is that why you turned your cell phone off?

Kensi

I turned my cell phone off because I was at a yoga retreat, and I needed to relax.

Deeks

Uh, wait a minute. You don't do yoga. I do yoga, and you mock me for it.

Kensi

That's because I do it for spiritual centering. You, on the other hand, do it to pick up chicks.

Callen

Thank you. Oh, that's so good. You sure you're not hungry?

Sam

Not now. What the hell is that?

Callen

Fish tacos.

Sam

What kind of fish?

Callen

The kind that swims in the ocean. Mmm.

Sam

How could you eat something without even knowing what it is? That could have been last week's bait, for all you know. Even looks like chum.

Callen

Carlos is the Iron Chef of the food trucks.

Kensi

Smells good over here. What's for lunch?

Sam

Mystery fish.

Deeks

Oh, Deep Sea Surprise is back?

Callen

Help yourself.

Deeks

Seriously? Mm-hmm. Nice. Sharesies?

Kensi

No, thank you. And don't say "sharesies."

Sam

All right. How'd you two make out?

Kensi

Parents are in denial. Their son worked at L. A. County Beach and Harbor and has a girlfriend, Mary Clark, who we are on our way to go see now.

Deeks

[eating a fish taco] This is delicious.

Sam

Too bad you don't know what it is.

Deeks

Sure I do. It's a Lake Superior white fish. I'd say caught in a gill net. Probably two or three days ago.

Sam

[groans]

Deeks

What? I'm a surfer I know my fish.

Kensi

Yeah, he's kind of like a trained seal, only without the "trained" part.

Sam

Or the "SEAL" part.

Nell

Our friend Chaucer has led a big life. He's descended from a long line of award-winning poodles.

Kensi

Chaucer was flown to Paris twice, to breed.

Deeks

He was paid to have sex in Paris? I should have been born a dog. (Kensi stares at him) I walked into that one, didn't I?

Deeks

Hmm... think I'm gonna have to go spend some time with him, alone.

Kensi

Why? What's going on?

Deeks

Nothing. I just got a way with animals.

Kensi

Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds really creepy.

Deeks

(about his love for Donny and Marie) Is that so wrong? Does that make me a bad person?

Kensi

Not at all. Just a little bit creepy.

Deeks

Oh, good, then that doesn't change anything between us.

Kensi

She might feel more comfortable with a sympathetic female.

Deeks

I don't know, I'm pretty in touch with my feminine side.

Kensi

Yeah, see, that's the problem. If you did have a feminine side, you'd be touching it all the time.

Deeks

Wow. And yet, so true.

Kensi

Well, if you must know, I've killed another house plant. That is fourteen since July.

Deeks

Wait. That's it? That's the source of your sourness?

Kensi

It was a cactus.

Callen

You killed something that thrives in Death Valley?

Deeks

Do we get a safety word?

Sam

What do you think?

Deeks

I was hoping for a yes.

Kensi

This isn't one of your bondage sessions, Deeks.

Deeks

She's kidding, but if you hear me yell noodles that means I'm in trouble.

Callen

If I hear you yell noodles, I'm gonna shoot you myself.

Deeks

I cannot wait to retire.

Sam

You know, you actually got to do some work before you can retire from something, Deeks.

Deeks

Just gonna sit on that beach with my dog, Monty Junior, Junior. You know, just checking out the lady birds in their bikinis.

Kensi

See, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Deeks

Preach it Sister!

Kensi

Promise me you'll never do that.

Deeks

What's that?

Kensi

Get yourself killed.

Deeks

Well the good news for you is I have a natural aversion at death so...

Kensi

I'm not kidding.

Deeks

Ok.