Marty Deeks quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Callen

Kensi, don't let him crowd you. Watch his shoulders. He's telegraphing.

Sam

I thought you were on my side.

Callen

I don't take sides.

Sam

Then stop coaching. Okay.

Callen

Circle to his outside.

Sam

I thought we were partners.

Callen

We are, but I'm having second thoughts. [Sam and Kensi continues to train] It's a tie. Again. Way to go, Kens.

Kensi

Thank you.

Sam

Tough girl. I went easy on her.

Callen

Uh-huh.

Kensi

Oh, please.

Callen

What's up, Deeks?

Deeks

Got a shooting at the Federal Building. What are you kids doing in here?

Kensi

Training.

Deeks

For what, Pirate Fest?

Callen

Well, you're welcome to challenge Captain Blye anytime you want. She just bested Sam ten to three.

Deeks

Really? Did you go easy on her?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Really?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Kensi with a knife? [Kensi shocks Deeks] Ow. Oh, my Aah. Okay, I'm coming. That really hurt.

Kensi

You don't trust me. I'd say that's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you?

Deeks

I just have a thing about my gun!

Kensi

At this point in our relationship, after all the stuff that we've done...

Deeks

[frowns] Escusss-sss...

Kensi

Wha-what?

Deeks

I'm sorry... Did you just say relationship?

Kensi

No. I said partnership. Okay? [pauses] You're very annoying!

Federal agents! Don't move!

Deeks

LAPD!

NSA!

Kensi

NCIS!

Deeks

M O U S E!

What are you doing here?

Kensi

This is our case.

Sebastian Renner was a foreign national with information considered a threat to the United States of America.

Kensi

Still our case.

We don't have to be adversaries, after all we are on the same side. Perhaps we can work together. Have you found anything that might be....[Gets kicked in the gonads by Kensi]

Deeks

WHOA!!! [Kensi then puts her knee into the guys face knocking him unconscious and Deeks fights with the guy's partner and wins by body slamming him into a table leaving the partner unconscious.] What are you doing? You heard the guy! We're on the same side!

Kensi

I'm pretty sure they're not NSA.

Deeks

Pretty sure? Because you teed off on him like you were kicking a field goal!

Kensi

Deeks! I've got a hunch they're foreign operatives, ok?

Deeks

A hunch! You don't kick a guy in his junk on a hunch. Geez! Sometimes I don't even know you! Who does that?

Callen

Did you take anything new away from Renner's?

Kensi

Yes-- these two guys. These jokers waltzed in while we were there, tried to pass themselves off as NSA agents, but they're DGSE -- French Intelligence Agency.

Sam

How'd you know they were bogus?

Kensi

[shrugging] Their accents.

Deeks

They didn't have accents.

Kensi

Do you know the difference between French open syllabic organization and English trochaic speech patterning, Deeks?

Deeks

[awkwardly] That old chestnut?

Sam

Where are they now?

Deeks

Had my LAPD buddies lock 'em up downtown for a few hours. You know, give 'em a taste of the real LA that's not in the star tours.

Callen

They probably have diplomatic immunity.

Deeks

That's exactly why we put them in county. I mean they're going to be lucky if they get to make a phone call by Christmas!

Sam

Hm.

Deeks

Just, uh... don't let Kensi interrogate them.

Callen

Why is that?

Deeks

Well, 'cause the guy on the right, she kicked him right in the nom de plumes.

Sam

No!

Deeks

Guy didn't even have his weapon out!

Callen

Really?

Kensi

I...

Deeks

Uh huh. Right in the cul-de-sac. Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomachache!

Kensi

So what? It would have been better if I had pistol whipped him across the face?

[simultaneously] Yes!

Callen

Anybody see anything?

Eric

Wait a second. I've got one of the guys who killed the cop. He's at the bus stop across the street.

Sam

Three more guys in a Jaguar pulling up behind you, G. [realizes] This is a stakeout.

Deeks

A stakeout for what?

Callen

Us. Cole must have told them about Renner's safe deposit box before they killed him. Without the key, they're stuck.

Kensi

They're waiting for us to get the book. Then they're going to try and take it.

Sam

They got to ID us first.

Callen

[answers his cellphone] Yeah?

Do not move, Agent Callen.

Callen

[looks down and spots a red dot on his chest] Sam, I think they already have.

Deeks

Want to get some ice cream?

Kensi

Deeks! Look out!

Give us the book.

Kensi

We don't have it.

Purse.

Kensi

Told you.

Then get in the car!

Then four of us die, and one of us lives.

Deeks

He's got a point. All right. Take me.

Kensi

Deeks.

Deeks

She's just a cop, you know? She's not even an agent. To tell you the truth, no one even really likes her that much, you know? Too pretty for her own good - kind of a snob.

Get in the car!

Deeks

Kensi! Don't move.

Kensi

Nice try Deeks.

Deeks

Kensi!

Kensi

It's ok. You'll get me back.

Tell your superior her life for the book.

Deeks

Oh, yeah? How do you know I'm not the superior? I could be. Kensi?

Deeks

Damn it! Eric, I got a license plate for you. It's Nine-Queen-John-Item, Nine-Zero-Five. [Sam and Callen arrive to Deeks] They got Kensi.

Kensi

Hetty's never given us anything for Christmas before. Why this year?

Callen

Exactly.

Deeks

Because she knows I like surprises.

Sam

You guys ever feel like we're stuck babysitting some kid whose parents won't come to get him - ever.

Kensi

(about her ex-fiance) He said life over there was like falling through the sky. Constant rush of adrenaline. Everything felt vivid and real... And coming home to me - coming home to me felt like hitting the ground. And I did - I did everything I could. (Kensi starts sobbing) Oh my... I worked with a psychiatrist. I helped with his meds and I listened. I always listened - always. It was Christmas morning, I woke up and he was gone.

Where did he go?

Deeks

(from observation) She's - she's playing him. She's trying to get him to open up, right?

So what do we do now?

Kensi

We'll, uh, we do what most families do on Christmas Eve.

Deeks

Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in a toaster?

Deeks

I'm going for cryogenic suspension.

Kensi

Ah.

Deeks

Mm-hmm. Frozen in a suspended state of animation and then thawed out when they have medical technology to bring me back.

Kensi

Can we keep you in the office? Ooo. With a little viewing window like an aquarium. That would be so cool.

Deeks

You mock me now. Twenty years from now when I come back, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to marry your daughter.

Oh!

Deeks

That is awkward.

Kensi

That is creepy.

Deeks

The report says it's a home invasion gone bad. Yousef Afzal was killed by blunt force trauma to the head, he was hit, he fell, and then died.

Kensi

And then half autopsied.

Sam

And then stolen.

Callen

That's a bad day, even for a dead guy.

Callen

So why do you steal a dead body?

Kensi

Proof of death.

Sam

Satanic ritual.

Deeks

Cannibalism.

Deeks

I was just thinking outside the box.

Sam

You need to get back in the box.

Kensi

Can you shut down his server?

Eric

His server, his cell service, his electricity. You name it.

Deeks

Can you get me free cable?

Deeks

No, because that would be piracy.

You're making a big mistake.

Callen

That's actually my line.

You prepared to shoot three FBI Agents in broad daylight?... [Starts to go for his ID] May I?

Callen

Left hand.

Callen

You looking for this?

Deeks

Oh buddy that badge better be real, or my partner's gonna kick you in the FBI balls.