Sam Hanna quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Callen

All right. There must be other toy ponies.

Sam

You don't get it. She talks. She flaps her wings. And she responds to 30 commands.

Kensi

OH! Five more than Deeks.

Deeks

[enters] How's that? Talking about me?

Hetty

Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, should you find yourselves on the roof, there will be no air support. A helicopter would drop like a stone in an EMP. I hope you have a Plan B if you can't stop this thing from firing.

Callen

Sam's working on Plan B.

Sam

I'm working on Plan A. You're working on Plan B.

Callen

We're still working on Plan B.

Hetty

Is that so? Well, I hope it doesn't involve me identifying both of you from your dental records.

Callen

Well, maybe Santa will bring it to her.

Sam

Maybe I'll tell her Uncle Callen said he'd get it for her. "It's okay baby girl, Uncle Callen didn't mean to let you down."

Deeks

That's messed up!

Callen

You wouldn't.

Kensi

You shouldn't!

Sam

Ho ho ho.

Granger

That's great. You brought your entire team with you. Unfortunately, it makes it so much easier to blow you all up.

Sam

Twitch - I shoot.

Granger

Is that a catchphrase?

Sam

What are former French Operatives doing in our country, period?

Deeks

You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Kensi kicked one of their ferers in the croissants.

Kensi

You know it.

Sam

Scuttlebutt is Granger's gone.

Hetty

Oh that.

Callen

Do we need t check your trunk?

Hetty

I wish. No, I think this is a temporary reprieve. I think he's off tormenting some other division. He'll come back when he grows bored making their lives a living Hell.

Callen

He's got a grenade!

Deeks

Oh come on! Who does that?

I appreciate your help, but I can't come in with you. I only have *12 hours* to find my family!

Kensi

What if you don't?

Deeks

I don't have much of a choice.

Sam

Are you really prepared to kill Jada?

Deeks

...Please don't try to follow me. I'm sorry.

Callen

Thank you. Oh, that's so good. You sure you're not hungry?

Sam

Not now. What the hell is that?

Callen

Fish tacos.

Sam

What kind of fish?

Callen

The kind that swims in the ocean. Mmm.

Sam

How could you eat something without even knowing what it is? That could have been last week's bait, for all you know. Even looks like chum.

Callen

Carlos is the Iron Chef of the food trucks.

Kensi

Smells good over here. What's for lunch?

Sam

Mystery fish.

Deeks

Oh, Deep Sea Surprise is back?

Callen

Help yourself.

Deeks

Seriously? Mm-hmm. Nice. Sharesies?

Kensi

No, thank you. And don't say "sharesies."

Sam

All right. How'd you two make out?

Kensi

Parents are in denial. Their son worked at L. A. County Beach and Harbor and has a girlfriend, Mary Clark, who we are on our way to go see now.

Deeks

[eating a fish taco] This is delicious.

Sam

Too bad you don't know what it is.

Deeks

Sure I do. It's a Lake Superior white fish. I'd say caught in a gill net. Probably two or three days ago.

Sam

[groans]

Deeks

What? I'm a surfer I know my fish.

Kensi

Yeah, he's kind of like a trained seal, only without the "trained" part.

Sam

Or the "SEAL" part.

Callen

She blew me off.

Sam

I ignore you all the time; it never bothered you before.

Callen

Something's up.

Sam

Something's always up with Hetty.

Callen

I know that look.

Sam

You're starting to sound like my wife. You know what they say when your partner starts sounding like your wife?

Callen

Get a new wife?

Sam

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.

Deeks

Do we get a safety word?

Sam

What do you think?

Deeks

I was hoping for a yes.

Kensi

This isn't one of your bondage sessions, Deeks.

Deeks

She's kidding, but if you hear me yell noodles that means I'm in trouble.

Callen

If I hear you yell noodles, I'm gonna shoot you myself.

Deeks

I cannot wait to retire.

Sam

You know, you actually got to do some work before you can retire from something, Deeks.

Deeks

Just gonna sit on that beach with my dog, Monty Junior, Junior. You know, just checking out the lady birds in their bikinis.

Kensi

See, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Deeks

Preach it Sister!

Kensi

Look, I am taking a leap here with this babysitting thing. It would be really nice to have my partner there to back me up. That is, if he takes me up on it.

Deeks

You want to play house?

Callen

They want to play house, Sam. At your house, when you're not there.

Sam

Oh, yeah? I have nanny cams. Everywhere.

Deeks

That's okay, 'cause I do some of my best work on camera.

Kensi

Oh, thank you for an image I will never be able to get out of my head.

Callen

Our boy got a briefcase.

Sam

Lap top probably inside.

Callen

What are the chances of getting that away from him long enough to access the computer?

Sam

Creating a distraction and grabbing the case 10 seconds, breaking the combination if it's locked another 20, copying the files 2 minutes.

Callen

Outsmarting the bad guys?

Sam

Priceless!

Sam

(referring to Callen and Hetty) Yeah, you two are cut from the same cloth.

Callen

Hardly. Hetty is, uh, hand-painted silk. I'm more of a--

Sam

Itchy polyester?

Callen

I was gonna say denim.

Sam

Well-worn denim.

Callen

What the hell's that supposed to mean?