G. Callen quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Hetty

[after sharpening her pencil] I much prefer a good HB to a Bic. Press firmly enough and people don't have to read between the lines to get the message. The answer is no, Mr. Callen.

Callen

Hetty, you don't even know what the question is.

Hetty

It's no to all of them. Is there any mention of this in your classified file? No. Was I aware you had a relative? No. Am I surprised? No. Should you stay on this case? Definitely, no.

Hetty

The agent's name is Trent Kort... Sam and Kensi, boathouse in half an hour. [Hetty leaves]

Sam

[to Callen] She knows. You can't go. [Callen sighs, then starts to leave] Where you goin'?

Callen

Shoot someone.

Hetty

You need a place to live, Mr. Callen.

Callen

I'm staying at Sam's.

Hetty

[groans] Spare rooms and office couches. Flophouse floors are not conducive to a restful sleep. And I need you awake. Someone's gone missing.

Callen

Who?

Hetty

Deeks.

Sam

You were a magician once.

Callen

Not magician, illusionist.

Sam

You bought a white rabbit, G.

Callen

It came with the hat.

Callen

I'm all for going green, reducing our footprints, but if Hetty has her way we're going to be reusing our bullets.

Sam

She just wants us to recover our brass, if possible.

Callen

Reusable water bottles, no more paper towels, no more paper cups, what's next to go, huh?

Sam

Saving the planet, G.

Callen

Come on! Don't come whining to me when she replaces our toilet paper with used post its.

Callen

We didn't realize he'd just gotten back from....

Hetty

Oh his assignment, yes.

Sam

Which was where again exactly?

Hetty

He was in the People's Republic of... none of your damn business.

Callen

Is that where he learned how to shoot?

Hetty

Actually, I gave him a few pointers.

Sam

Apparently the People's Republic of none of your damn business can be a dangerous place.

Hetty

What are you doing?

Sam

I need to activate a former alias.

Hetty

Oh, no. NLV. NLV. "No longer viable." Tyrell Ellis was compromised.

Sam

I know. I was Tyrell Ellis, remember?

Hetty

I do remember. I also remember you were nearly killed before we got you out.

Sam

My cover was never blown. I spent seven months undercover working Memo Torres while he was still a cartel underling. Now he's the man. That means he's the fastest route to finding those missing Marines. And the only one who can get to Torres right now, is in this box.

Hetty

The man in this box has a price on his head. Why don't you just arrest Torres?

Sam

We don't have anything on him. We yank him in off the streets and we blow any chance of ever going back under in his organization. Plus, Memo hates cops of any kind. He'll be lawyered up as soon as we bring him in and we may never find those missing Marines, Hetty.

Hetty

[Callen walks in] Oh, Mr. Callen, could you please talk some sense to your partner?

Callen

What, like that's ever worked? Admittedly, putting Sam on the streets as Tyrell Ellis is not without risks. Memo Torres is behind this. Reactivating Tyrell Ellis is the only way to find him.

Sam

It's our only bet, Hetty, and you know it.

Hetty

I don't like it.

Callen

What's the safe word?

Sam

Headlock.

Callen

Really? Use headlock in a sentence.

Sam

I wasn't planning on using it.

Kensi

Nell's been here less than a week, and has already taken over whistle duties. Eric is not a happy camper.

Sam

Ah, he shouldn't worry. It won't be long before she's folding her tent like all the others.

Deeks

Because?

Callen

Many mysteries of Hetty. For some reason intelligence analysts just seem to rub her the wrong way.

I don't know these guys. Navy born and bred. I trust NCIS. Is there a way you can stay on this?

Callen

It's no longer our jurisdiction.

I lost my wife. I can't lose my child. Please.

Callen

I understand, but there's nothing we can...

Sam

We'll see what we can do.

Eric

Well, this is weird. According to the military database, there's no Tracy Keller listed as next of kin.

Callen

That's because the name's an alias.

Kensi

An alias for who?

Callen

My ex-wife.

Callen

She retired, last I heard. That was 5 years ago.

Hetty

[Entering] Undercover agents don't retire. They just go deeper.

Deeks

[Quietly to Kensi] You guys ever consider putting a bell around her neck?

Hetty

Many people have tried, Mr. Deeks.

Callen

What'd you say to him?

Deeks

Ah, there's this little rule about not dating the captain's daughter.

Callen

He broke it?

Deeks

All over the captain's desk.

Callen

Kensi, don't let him crowd you. Watch his shoulders. He's telegraphing.

Sam

I thought you were on my side.

Callen

I don't take sides.

Sam

Then stop coaching. Okay.

Callen

Circle to his outside.

Sam

I thought we were partners.

Callen

We are, but I'm having second thoughts. [Sam and Kensi continues to train] It's a tie. Again. Way to go, Kens.

Kensi

Thank you.

Sam

Tough girl. I went easy on her.

Callen

Uh-huh.

Kensi

Oh, please.

Callen

What's up, Deeks?

Deeks

Got a shooting at the Federal Building. What are you kids doing in here?

Kensi

Training.

Deeks

For what, Pirate Fest?

Callen

Well, you're welcome to challenge Captain Blye anytime you want. She just bested Sam ten to three.

Deeks

Really? Did you go easy on her?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Really?

Sam

No.

Deeks

Kensi with a knife? [Kensi shocks Deeks] Ow. Oh, my Aah. Okay, I'm coming. That really hurt.

Callen

What would you do with $25,000,000 in reward money?

Sam

You mean if I wasn't a government employee and I could legally accept it? Ah... probably buy a first class ticket to somewhere real quiet. Really quiet. Someplace you don't take a partner. You?

Callen

I would hire the best private investigator money can buy. And have him track down my partner. Then when I found him...

Sam

You'd follow me?

Callen

Send him Hetty, in an overnight package - with a big bell.

Sam

[chuckles] I wouldn't sign for her.