Scenes with G. Callen 165
[Discussing the office remodeling.]
Organization and productivity are directly correlated. Cleanliness is next to... um... efficiency.
Callen Hetty. She's the only one... [Callen pauses as Hetty walks up.]
Continue, Mr. Callen, continue.
Callen ...With the authority.
Ah, um, Nate, if your comment that "They might be miffed" constitutes trying to stop me, I suggest you learn more forceful techniques of self-assertion, not that I would have listened.
I'm sending our top forensics specialist to assist you.
But there are no forensics.
Our forensic expert has a theory about this crime that's, shall we say, original. Thinks McEllon is the victim of a serial killer. No other law enforcement organization in this country thinks this killer even exists. Can't say I do either.
Callen And you're sending this person why?
I was ganged up on. [Vance signals for an end to the video conference.]
Callen Who gangs up on the director of a federal agency?
Oh, you'd be surprised Mr. Callen.
Callen And who's the expert?
[Off screen] Oops. I think I took a wrong turn. Hello?
[enters Ops] There you are. Hi. Wow! This place is seriously cool.
[Callen and Sam are discussing options of how to get into a building through the sky light.]
Callen Miami?
No, Miami was half the height and we still got all busted up.
Callen One of us may land soft enough and get the shot.
Yeah, if one of us is Peter Pan.
[Callen, Sam and Kensi return after completing their mission.]
Looks like Hetty is still here.
Callen Not that she'd ever let us know.
I had some paperwork that needed to be completed before tomorrow, Mr. Callen; some of us take our paperwork seriously.
[Callen walks into Hetty's office.]
I already sent the others upstairs.
Callen Good morning, Hetty.
Well that's a matter of perspective, Mr. Callen. Uh, I've been doing some accounting and I came across an anomaly in your expenses. This is a fourteen hundred dollar restaurant bill from Matsukisa.
Callen Um-hmm, that's from the Miygomi case.
You mean it's not a mistake? You actually spent fourteen hundred dollars on raw fish!
Callen Not me, my alias Tony Z did.
Ah, ah, ah and is Tony Z going to reimburse me?
Callen Well, you'll have to talk to him about that.
Callen Hetty, when I go undercover as a beach bum, I eat at the Kogi truck. When I'm going after high rollers, I've got to hit it a little harder.
Try ordering soup, player.
[Hetty has just told the team that they have to back off the case-immediately.]
Callen We're putting together a good case here, okay? A big one.
Hetty, Zafari's up to something, we can't stop now.
This is coming from "on high". When I say "on high", I mean those with the political venom to end the careers of each and every one of us, including Director Vance.
I can't believe this, all we need is a little more time.
I know, I know. If I may slip into the vernacular, "It sucks". But when you hear from me again in an hour or so , you will shut this down.
[The team is discussing possible activities for their group outing.]
I got it! Cowboy bar on Sunset?
Callen With the mechanical bull?
Callen No! Hetty plus mechanical bull plus tequila equals bar fight. Trust me I've been there. Dom? Is that a doll?
Uh-huh no, this is one of only five hundred Alpha Centauri Imperial Class Guardians Bobble-heads in the entire world. This is not a doll.
Callen You're playing with an alien doll? At work?
[The team is discussing possible activities for their group outing]
[Sam walks in.]
Callen Kensi hates Disneyland.
The happiest place on earth.
I have issues with grown men in furry costumes.
[Nate walks in.]
Unless it's Thursday night?
What are we talking about?
Quality time with the team.
Callen Apparently it's been too long since we hung out unless there's a corpse involved.
[Discussing possible activities for the team outing]
Bowling, it's great competition, builds camaraderie and you get to wear those funny shoes.
SC Sam & Callen
[Unison] No bowling!
Okay, what about the cowboy bar on Sunset?
[Hetty walks in]
Oh, that sounds like fun.
They have a mechanical bull, Hetty.
Callen He hasn't been around long enough to make enemies, Sam.
So what are you saying? It was random?
Callen Maybe. I mean, bad things happen in this town.
Wrong place, wrong time? Come on, G!
Callen He's a kid. Driving down an alley in a bad part of town. It's as good as anything else we got.
Which is a lot of nothing! You know as well as I do, no one gets snatched for nothing.
Callen Besides, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Oh, I don't know. Let's see. Sam gets made. They kill him. Then you, Kensi and the others storm the place and the Dutchman releases the toxin killing all of you and half of Los Angeles.
CS Callen and Sam
Which half?
I'm going to go brief the Director.
[Sam and Callen enter the office and see a box with a snake on the desk.]
Callen Definitely not cool.
You want me to handle this?
Callen Knock yourself out.
[Examines the box, and pulls out a king cobra] It's stuffed, it's a king cobra, its venom could kill a grown man inside fifteen minutes.
Callen I thought these things were bigger.
Yeah, not so big until he stretched out and locked on to your butt.
Callen You really have a GSA class six safe in your den?
Told you, I have to keep my valuables safe.
Callen What valuables?
[laughs] I have a mint condition Patrick Ewing rookie card, a football signed by the 1986 New York Giants and the entire run of the Silver Surfer comic book series. Plus, a couple of tickets for the Lakers-Knicks tomorrow night. And they're both spoken for.
Callen What else?
What do you mean, what else? Why does there have to be a what else?
Callen Because that was way too easy. [Sam laughs] And because that is your 'I'm hiding something' laugh.
Callen There is definitely something else.
[pulling up in front of a suspect's house] We're here.
Callen That can't be it.
Callen Is this a Navy Seal thing?
I'll show you a Navy Seal thing. [They get out of the car]
Callen I'm waiting.
I have a Michael Jackson glove, from the Bad tour in '87. He threw it out in the front row of the Madison Square Garden show.
Callen One of those white gloves?
He was the King of Pop, G.
Callen Yeah. With the sequins?
Callen Why was it just the one glove and not two?
If you have to ask, you just don't get it.
[Eric is discussing the planned bank heist]
Then why pay a heist crew? Why not hire a hacker?
Because banks have unique security protocols for funds frozen by the FBI. You have to have physical access to the actual terminal to move the money.
Callen But that's never stopped you before.
Well, most hackers don't have access to the toys that I do. I can make us all very wealthy in about two minutes. [Sam & Callen stare at him] I mean if you wanted me to. [They keep staring] Not that you would want me to, not that I would want to. I'm just saying... you know.
You don't have a TV, you don't read the newspaper, you clearly don't spend any time getting ready.
Callen Well, maybe I was working out.
Callen I run.
Yeah, when people are shooting at us!
Callen Mm-hmm. Alright, you know what? I slept in.
With who? You barely sleep.
Callen There's nobody.
Come on, I think it would be great for you to be in a relationship.
Callen Sam, how many times are we going to have this conversation- you are my partner not my mother.
(makes a womans voice) I just want you to be happy and find a good girl.
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NCIS: Los Angeles · 343 quotes
Callen
