[A policeman yells from his car window through a bullhorn in a heart-pounding, made-for-television car chase.]
SKSheriff Kyle
Pull over! This is the sheriff's office!
CCrow
Office?! That's a car.
“Master Ninja I” · Season 3
In this episode: Tom Servo (4), Crow T. Robot (3), Max (3), Joel Robinson (2)
[Holly Trumball (Demi Moore) and Max Keller stroll flirtatiously toward Max's van.]
HHolly
You think you, um, could stick around? I might need you.
MMax
I'm going off duty for the day.
HHolly
Oh sure, a loner, I got the scene. Just reading the classified ads in the local motel until Dick Powell comes running down the television alley at midnight with a gun in his hand.
Uh, let Dennis Miller do Dennis Miller, Demi.
TMr. Trumball
You got a warrant, sheriff?
SAServo [as Sheriff Kyle]
Yeah, I got a made-for-tv warrant right here.
CCrow
I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere...
[Master ninja McAlister and his evil ninja nemesis Okasa meet face-to-face.]
OOkasa
The old man hired you?
MMcAlister
I am not for hire.
OOkasa
We are all for hire. In dark times...
MMcAlister
The dark times have gone.
You guys speaking in haiku all of a sudden??? Whoa!
[Max and the Master set off for adventure in Max's custom-painted van.]
MMax
Now for the fun part...riding with a ninja.
We'll be the judge of that.
CACrow [as TV announcer]
Chevy Van: A Quinn Martin production.
MMax
We're being followed!
SAServo [as the Master]
Of course we are! We're in an action-packed, made-for-tv movie!
[The van makes a sharp left.]
CACrow [as the Master]
Quick! Take a turn here on Steven J. Cannell Boulevard!
MMax
Don't tell me why they're following us. I like surprises.
CCrow
Well, here's a surprise...you're already cancelled! [N]
[Okasa has the Master cornered, but the Master uses a smoke bomb to make a stealthy exit.]
Oh, ninjas never had those.
SAServo [as Okasa]
Damn. He knows Doug Henning.
MMax
You all right?
JAJoel [as the Master]
I'm fine, but I'm out 20 bucks. Let's head back to the magic shop.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.