Spike quotes from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Twilight

"Ghosts, Goblins, and Ghoulish Figures"? Good heavens, girls, what do you need a book like this for?

Scootaloo

You'll see, thanks Twilight! We'll give it back as soon as we're done with it.

Twilight

What do you think they're up to?

Spike

I have no idea, and I don't know if I should be excited or scared to find out.

Spike

I'm gonna tell you two a secret. But you have to promise not to tell anyone.

Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

Spike

Closer... closer...

Spike

[Confessing tone] I have a crush on Rarity!

[gasps] We won't say a word!

Twilight

Gimme a break, everypony already knows how you-

Twilight! You promised Spike you wouldn't say anything. He trusts you; and losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend forever!

Twilight

But..

Forever!

Rainbow Dash

When we get to Appleloosa, do you think we'll have to carry that heavy tree all the way from the train to the orchard?

What tree? You mean Bloomberg?

Rainbow Dash

[sarcastically] No, Fluttershy.

Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!

Twilight

What's going on?

Rainbow Dash thinks Fluttershy's a tree!

Rainbow Dash

I do not think she's a tree! I was just-

Twilight

Did you say she was a tree?

Rainbow Dash

No! Well, yes. But not exactly-

Twilight

You know she's not a tree, right?

She's not a tree, Dashie!

Fluttershy

[softly] I'd like to be a tree!

Spike

Oh, for Pete's sake! [storms off]

Twilight

Well, that was kind of huffy!

Fluttershy

Huffy the Magic Dragon!

Spike

Uhh, hi there. I'm Spike. I'm sure Twilight has told you all about me.

Hooo.

Spike

Uhh Spike. You know, assistant number one?

Hooo?

Spike

I'm Spike! And who are you? What are you?

Hooo!

Spike

Who?

Hooo!

Spike

I thought your name was Owlowiscious?

Hooo?

Spike

Ok, Who, Owlowiscious, whatever! I'm Spike, OK? Look, all you need to know is that I'm #1, and you're #2. Got it?

Hooo?

Spike

So, man of mystery, huh? I'm keepin' my eye on you! [walks away looking backwards] I've got eyes in the back of my head too you know! [crashes into the door] Uhh, well, not really. You know what I mean!

Spike

Confess?

Confess!

Spike

[hesitant] I'm the one who poured juice all over Twilight's copy of "Magical Mysteries and Practical Potions"!

And?

Spike

[hesitant] I was the one who used up all the hot water in Ponyville taking a seven hour bubble bath!

And?

Spike

And sometimes... when no one's around... I do this! [drags over a mirror, starts flexing his muscles] Lookin' good Spike! Lookin' real good!

[annoyed and irritated] No, no, no, NO!

Spike

Come on, you guys! Let me in!

Rainbow Dash

[heading for the door] Sure thing, Spike.

[gets in her way] Heavens no! We're getting dressed!

Applejack

"Dressed"? Uh, beg pardon Rarity, but, uh, we don't normally wear clothes.

Twilight

See, girls? We did it! We found the Elements of Harmony! Together! [Corrupted Applejack yawns] You don't even care, do you?

No.

Twilight

[sighs, sadly] l never thought it would happen. My friends... [suddenly angry] have turned into complete jerks! [Quickly uses her magic to place the Elements on the ponies' neck] Necklace, necklace, necklace, necklace, and... [Puts on her Crown of Magic] big crown thingy. Come on, everypony, let's go!

Spike

But, Twilight, aren't you missing somepony?

Twilight

Nope. We got the liar, the grump, the hoarder, and the brute, that just about covers it.

Spike

But what about Rainbow Dash?

Twilight

[sarcastically] Congratulations Spike, you're the new Rainbow Dash. Now let's go!

Very well then, what shall we write to the Princess?

Sweetie Belle

I'll start. "Having a sister is just about the bestest thing in the world. But it sure isn't the easiest."

I agree that being sisters is a wonderful thing, but it takes teamwork. Sometimes it's about compromising. Sometimes it's about accepting each others' differences. But mostly, it's about having fun together. Even if it means getting your hooves a little bit dirty.

Sweetie Belle

A lot dirty.

A little bit dirty.

Sweetie Belle

A lot dirty!

A little bit dirty!

Sweetie Belle

A lo --

Spike

Hold it, hold it! How about: a medium amount of dirty, not too little, not too much, just right?

Deal!

[about Apple Bloom] She's cursed!!

Rose

Hexed!!

Enchanted!!

Spike

She is not.

Spike

She just has some weird mysterious disease with no known cure called "Cutie Pox".

The cutie pox?!

Twilight

Are you taking notes?

Spike

Yup! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!

Twilight

Umm, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.

Rainbow Dash

Maybe for your normal, run-of-the-mill ponies. But I'm far too busy saving lives to stop and write. That's why I hired Spike as my ghost writer.

[overhears the conversation] Ahhh! Spike's a ghost! [quickly dashes out of the room]

Twilight

It sounds like somepony is jealous.

Spike

[writing] Rainbow Dash is jealous.

Rainbow Dash

Don't write that, Spike! [all the other ponies laugh]

Spike

[writing] Correction; Rainbow Dash is very jealous.

Twilight

Isn't this exciting, Spike? Opening day of cider season!

Spike

Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!

Spike

Uh, Twilight?

Twilight

[hushed] What is it, Spike?

Spike

Isn't this where we came in?

Cool! Can we climb in the window again? That was super fun!

Yes. You've got something those dreadfully fierce dragons can only dream of.

Spike

[excited] What's that?

The cutest wittle chubby cheeks!

Spike

Count me out. I've gotta get an early start!

An early start?

Spike

Yes! I'm going on a quest of self-discovery! I'm going to learn what it means to be a dragon! And the only way I'm gonna do that is to join the Dragon Migration!

What?!?