TV show quotes
[Finishing watching Tony Benett and Johnny Fiama perform)
Thank goodness the show's almost over.
So, what happened to that blue freak on the missile?
[Gonzo suddenly flies in on a rocket]
Whoa! Is he alright?
I don't know. I'll check his bolts.
If he's got one, I'll split it with you.
[They laugh. Gonzo gets back up]
[Dizzy] Did I clear the chickens?
[He falls to the ground again. Statler and Waldorf continue to laugh]
[Watching Seinfield Babies]
You know, this show really improves with age.
Why? Because the jokes get better?
No, because my hearing gets worse!
[They laugh]
[Watching the Muppets run past them in front of the TV]
What the...?
How come that never happens when we're watching The Hot Bodies Bikini Contest?
[They laugh]
[Watching Animal perform]
This show's off to a fast start.
Good. Maybe it'll end quicker!
[They laugh]
[Watching Miss Piggy and Jason Alexander perform]
That last number was a real showstopper.
Too bad it didn't stop this show!
[They laugh]
[Watching the end of the show]
That was a great program! I would've only changed one thing.
What's that?
The channel!
[They laugh]
[The show is on a big screen in a building in Times Square, New York. Statler and Waldorf, who are walking by, see the screen]
Hey! Waldorf, look at that! The show is ten times as big!
Yeah. Too bad it's one tenth as funny!
[They laugh]
Let's see what else is on. Hand me that remote.
[Waldorf brings out a remote so large that it is too heavy for them to lift]
Hey, it's big.
Hey! Careful!
[The remote falls on top of them]
[Watching a black-and white skit at an outdoor café. Behind them, two girls walk to them]
Do you know what's sad?
What's that?
I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch this dumb show.
Neither can I.
Hi, guys. Mind if we join you?
I just thought of something!
[They throw the portable TV away and offer the girls to their seats]
Here, sit down.
Yes, please.
Make yourself comfortable.
Look how nice you look today.
[Watching Lash Holstein: Space Cowdet at the outdoor café]
Boy, that show was BAD!
I wonder whatever happened to those cows.
Here are your steaks. [He puts plates of steaks on the table]
No! It couldn't be!
Why not?
Because these are well done!
[They laugh]
[The repo men return with the TV]
Hey! Why are you bringing that TV back?
It's from the Muppets Tonight sweepstakes.
We won?
No. We lost!
[They laugh]
[Watching Andy and Randy Pig fight Pierce Brosnan]
I guess you got to take the good with the bad.
Yeah, but I'm so waiting for the good.
[They laugh]
[Watching a movie trailer at a bar]
Hm, I'd give that movie four stars.
Why is that?
Because the two that are in it now stink! [They laugh] Hey, bartender! More pigs knuckles.
Okay, coming right up.
[He punches Statler in the face]
Uh, I'll just have the pickled egg.
All right.
[He brings out an egg with a face]
I love you, two old guys!
[He falls down to the ground]
Poor guy cracked up!
[They laugh]
[Watching the show struggle without Kermit at the bar]
Now I've seen everything.
Good. Does that mean we can stop watching?
[They laugh. Statler sees Kermit, who is now a bartender]
Hey, bartender! Didn't you used to be...?
Well, yeah, but a guy's gotta work, you know?
Not if he's smart, he doesn't.
[They laugh]
[Watching An Editorial Message from Sam the Eagle]
What did you think of that sketch?
Well, it was better than getting hit in the head by a two-by-four.
No, it wasn't!
Yeah, you're right. Hit me again!
[A nurse comes and hits Waldorf in the face with a stick. Statler laughs]
[Watching a robot Abraham Lincoln beating up Beaker]
Did you see that stiff, lifeless, robotic acting?
By Lincoln?
No, by the rest of the cast! [They laugh] Actually, I like Lincoln.
You should like him. You voted for him!
[They laugh again]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Muppets Tonight pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
