Rats quotes from Muppets Tonight

Clifford

Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show that can be seen everywhere from Istanbul to Constantinople.

Clifford, haven't you heard? Istanbul is Constantinople!

Clifford

Wadda ya mean?

Istanbul was Constantinople.

Clifford

Yo, yo, yo, Pierce, where-a ya been, man? We need you for the spy-in-the-casino sketch.

Oh, good, good, good! What does that involve?

Clifford

You know... the usual! Where the spy has a fight scene, dances with beautiful women, gets tortured and saves the day!

[pauses for a moment while staring blankly] And what do I do?

Clifford

That is what you'll be doing, man, just like in your movies.

But Clifford, this is live television. In the movies we plan everything and we do it over and over again until we get it right. I mean: we have stunt-men and special effects and we go to exotic locations like... Istanbul and... Constantinople.

Now every gal in Constantinople,

You know Clifford, that annoying and repetitive rat-song, has given me time to think: I'll do the sketch!

[still making fierce demands] ...demand number 49: 'Istanbul should be changed back to Constantinople'.

So take me back to Constantinople.

All right, so it wasn't a real demand, I just wanted to hear that song again! Anyway, until our demands are met, we rule the airwaves! We will control the entertainment on this show! We will put on what we wanna see! Men, what do we wanna see? [they discuss it amongst themselves] You're kidding me! Sure? [the men agree] Right then, we choose to put on... The Dancing Grandmas!!