What's the difference between an orange?
NNanny
Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.
It is finished. That's the joke.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Fozzie has given up on comedy and now taken a job as a door-to-door salesman]
Who is it?
Door-to-door salesman.
Is this anything funny?
Not at all, M'aam. These are unique encyclopedias.
Okay, come on in.
These encyclopedia are where you open it up, the subject comes to you! Look at "P", a parrot!
[The parrot appears]
Neat! How about "O"?
Careful, because you may get the... [water appears] ...ocean!
[The ocean destroys entire house save for the couch, where Piggy and Fozzie are now adrift on]
Quick! Open up "N" and get us the Navy!
[The oranges appear on the couch]
I got us navel oranges!
(about his painting) Pretty good, huh? I think I'll call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."
[Scooter retches]
I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.
I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.
I don't wanna waste a wish.
WHAT?!
Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.
[In a Cinderella parody]
[answering the door] Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.
[hops on a toy motorcycle, but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.
Personally, I never could figure out these toys that change from one thing to another.
[After the power to the nursery is lost]
Come on, let's set up the dominos again.
But we won't be able to see them.
That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.
OOthers
Fozzie!
Sorry.
?"Fozzie Burns"
So tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?
?"Animal Allen"
Dinner! [laughs hysterically]
[The audience laughs]
?"Fozzie Burns"
No, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka! [the audience boos and throws tomatoes] Wait a minute! I got a better one! Tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?
?"Animal Allen"
Dinner! [laughs hysterically and falls off chair]
[The audience laughs again]
?"Fozzie Burns"
No, no, no! That's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka. [the audience boos again and he gets hit with tomatoes] Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me. [the home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at him] Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny?
?"Animal Allen"
Fozzie! [laughs again]
[The audience laughs again]
?"Fozzie Burns"
[dejectedly] Say goodnight, Animal.
BBeaker
Meep, meep meep meep.
BBunsen
You want to know how I, Sherlock Bunsen, am going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.
When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.
Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.
Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.
Um, what is the Gettysburg address?
SAStatue of Abe Lincoln
[comes to life] Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.
[The kids scream in terror and run]
[Fozzie is on a quest to find comedian ancestors. He finds himself in a football stadium with anthromorphic bears wearing football uniforms]
Wow! The Chicago Bears! Hey, why are you so glum?
FPFootball Player 1
We are champion football players.
What's wrong with that?
FPFootball Player 2
We want to be comedians!
I can help with that! Huddle up, guys.
[Football players huddle with Fozzie, who tells them a joke]
FPFootball Player 3
24-36-72-Joke!
FPFootball Player 2
Why is it always cool at a football game?
FPFootball Player 1
Because there are always a lot of fans in the bleachers! Wokka, wokka, wokka!
[The audience boos and throws tomatoes at football players. Annoyed, they chase Fozzie out of the stadium]
[Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lily pad in a pond. Suddenly he is abducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit]
FSFrog Sailor
Enemy sighted, Captain!
CCaptain
You are just what we need for our submarine!
[salutes] I will do my best, Captain.
CCaptain
Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!
[Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare]
What time is it anyway?
Breakfast time, yayayayayaya! [eats a blanket]
[her tummy gurgles] Oh, my tummy, it is breakfast time!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Muppet Babies pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.