Baby Kermit quotes from Muppet Babies

Kermit

They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

Kermit

[sighs, opens the fence board to check] I think we lost it. [closes it, sees someone in a ghost costume which makes 11 of the kids] Hey, wait a minute. 1, 2, 3...that's funny. How many of us were there when we started the story?

Gonzo

10. Why?

Kermit

10? Why, uh, [points at someone in a ghost costume] I think we picked up a stray.

Slime monster!

Gonzo

Let's get outta here! Help!

Piggy

[about Robin] He's adorable, just like his Uncle Kermie.

Kermit

Uncle Kermie? I never asked to be an uncle.

Skeeter

Kermit! Nobody asks to be an uncle. Your big sister had babies, that makes you an uncle, and the babies are your nieces and nephews.

Kermit

Oh, that's different.

Piggy

And I'm going to be the producer.

Kermit

Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?

Piggy

THEY FIRE DIRECTORS! [lunges at Gonzo]

Fozzie

Oh, I know who I can play! [grabs two belts] I could play Whewbacca the Cookie!

Kermit

Um, that's Chewbacca the Wookie, Fozzie.

Fozzie

That's what I said, Cuchacca the Bookie.

Kermit

Oh Gee.

Piggy

I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.

Kermit

I don't wanna waste a wish.

Piggy

WHAT?!

Kermit

Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

Scooter

Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.

Kermit

Um, what is the Gettysburg address?

[comes to life] Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.

Enemy sighted, Captain!

You are just what we need for our submarine!

Kermit

[salutes] I will do my best, Captain.

Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!

Rowlf

Whatcha lookin' for, Kermit?

Kermit

This, we can use it like a road map.

Rowlf

Yeah, but how will we get around once we're inside Scooter’s body?

Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.

Kermit

Quick, follow Animal.

Fozzie

Animal, where are you?

Kermit

He disappeared.

Submarine, wawawawawawa.

Kermit

That's perfect, Animal, this'll work great, come on, let's go.

Piggy

Hey, where do we get into Scooter's body when we're tiny?

Gonzo

There’s only one place that I know, his bellybutton.

Huh?

Skeeter

Are you sure, Gonzo?

Gonzo

Of course.

Scooter

[chuckling] Hey, that's cold. [sneezes again]

Kermit

Okay, guys, let's do it. Okay, here we go.

Piggy

Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.

Skeeter

I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!

Piggy

This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.

Fozzie

Hamsters, get your free hamsters!

Kermit

Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.

Piggy

Eek, rats! No, my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!

Rowlf

UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!