[Monk is patching up Benjy after he got into a fight at school.]
What's a wedgie?
It's when you pull a kid's underwear all the way out of his pants.
When I was a kid they called it something else.
What?
An "Adrian."
“Mr. Monk and the Panic Room” · Season 3, Episode 2
In this episode: Adrian Monk (5), Benjy Fleming (4), Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (3), Sharona Fleming (3), Lt. Disher (1), Lt. Randall Disher (1), Dr. Charles Kroger (1)
Uh-oh...
What?
The Band-Aid.
It's okay, it doesn't have to be perf- [Monk rips it off] OW!
Now Benjy, you're grounded! That means no TV, and no Playstation!
Mom!
Sharona, he was just sticking up for a friend.
Adrian, you stay out of this! You're not his father!
That's true, but I care about him as much as any father.
[He rips off the Band-Aid again.]
OW!
They call it a panic room. I know that's a difficult concept because for you every room is a panic room.
Thank you.
If there's an intruder in the house, you run in there, you lock the door and wait for the cavalry.
[Stottlemeyer and Disher arrive at Sharona's house]
I hate this.
Why don't you stay back, sir? I can handle this.
Oh, you can? Since when? [Sharona opens the door]
Hey.
Sharona, we need to talk.
About what?
I think you know. [They walk into the house, which looks like it has been hit by an earthquake] What happened here? Did you have a party?
It's Benjy. He never picks anything up.
Sharona, where's Darwin?
What are you talking about?
We're gonna find him. Is he here?
[Randy takes out his gun and begins going from room to room]
Hey, would you put that away?! This is my house!
He's killed before.
No he hasn't!
Sharona, we know that you took him. Now either you tell us where he is or I'm going to have to take you in. That is the law.
[walks back out of the living room, speaking into his walkie-talkie] Living room secure, heading to the kitchen.
Randy, you don't have to use the walkie-talkie. I'm ten feet away.
Roger that.
[puts down the walkie-talkie and continues searching]
[notices some vomit on a wall, and a lot of crooked pictures] Hey, what happened here?
Benjy threw up.
[incredulously] On the wall?
It was pretty awful.
[heads into the kitchen, and opens the closet, which swings open to reveal a stuffed teddy bear] Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! False alarm! False alarm!
[Sharona grabs the teddy bear from Randy]
Sharona, you were seen. The animal shelter has a surveillance camera. It recorded your car's license plate number as you drove away.
[Dr. Kroger is at Monk's apartment because Sharona left Darwin loose with Monk.]
I can see your space has been violated, and I think you're handling it very well. I'm proud of you. How do you feel?
[high-pitched voice] I'm fine. These things happen, what can you do?
Exactly, exactly. These are all just material objects. You can always replace anything that he breaks, or chews, or... [sees] pees on.
Chews or pees on... Chews or pees on...
Sharona, you were seen. The animal shelter has a surveillance camera. It recorded your car's license plate number as you drove away.
They were gonna kill him!
Are you going to tell me where he is?
I can't.
Then I have to arrest you. [To Randy] Go ahead.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say...
Oh, Randy, gimme a break!
Damn it, Sharona, you're under arrest. Just turn around.
[As he reluctantly handcuffs her, Benjy comes home from school]
Mom?
Benjy, hey!
What are you doing?
Uh... your mom bet Randy that she could get out of his handcuffs, and she couldn't. [To Randy] So, take them off... take 'em off.
[Ignoring Stottlemeyer's attempts to cover for her, Sharona walks over to Benjy, still handcuffed]
Benjy, you were right.
About what?
About standing up for that little boy in school. You did the right thing. So now I'm standing up for somebody who can't protect himself.
You mean Darwin?
Yeah. Look, everything's going to be okay, all right? Captain Stottlemeyer's going to take you to Aunt Gail's... [Benjy glances at Stottlemeyer, who nods] ... and you tell her to call Adrian. He'll know what to do... after I tell him.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.