LLaura (their manager)
Right. Is there anything I need to know?
I'm getting really close to blowing my load, just hovering in the pleasure zone. And then BAM! All hell breaks lose. I tripled myself.
I'm not familiar with that term.
You know, tripling. It's when you cum, puke and shit yourself all at the same time.
Three bodily functions. Doing the triple. [Curtis sighs] You're telling me that's never happened to you?
Anyway, I lied about my name, so she probably doesn't even remember me.
I don't think she's ever forgetting you.
Technically, it was a gorilla.
I wanted you to meet my other clients and also some potential sponsors. Just relax and enjoy yourself. I should mingle.
Sorry, sorry, it just went down the wrong way.
[To Laura oblivious to him] Hi. [To community servers] Good to see you.
Oh, you're that milk guy, innit?
It's not just milk. It's all dairy products.
You're here to make the coffees, then?
I'm done making other people coffee. People make my coffee now.
So, what's the point in having your power?
Were you one of those fat kids who had milk seeping out of his man-boobs during puberty?
We had a kid like that at our school. We used to milk him every lunch time.
I wasn't one of those kids. [Nathan walks behind Brian and massages his breast] Get off me! What are you doing?!
This reminds me of school. That was some good times.
That's what the kid at my school used to say, and he had a nervous breakdown. [Brian walks away]
[Walks up to him] Nathan. How do you feel about blowing your brains out live on national television tomorrow night?
Um... Yeah, I'm definitely up for that. Another, please.
[Sits at bar next to Nikki] Hi.
Be nice to (Curtis), yeah?
I'm not promising anything, but I'll definitely try.
Why not? They're planning to film it at the community centre.
Right. So, it's like a whole "going back to my roots" kind of vibe?
[Fans calling and thronging Daisy]
That's Daisy. More and more people with powers are coming forward.
She can heal people, any illness, any disease. She plans to cure the world. She's like a pretty, modern-day Mother Teresa with a superpower. She is going to make a fortune.
Hi, honey. Where are you going?
BSBrian's girlfriend
There's somewhere I need to be.
BSBrian's girlfriend
Well...
So now there are other people with powers, you're not interested in me?
BSBrian's girlfriend
There's a guy downstairs who can rewind time. You can do stuff with milk.
I'll show you what I can do. [Brian's girlfriend starts choking on yogurt]
BSBrian's girlfriend
What are you doing? What is that?
That's the Greek yogurt you ate earlier. It's moving up into your trachea. [Leans down to her body on floor] You think I'm a nobody. You're nothing.
[To Simon] Oh, Jesus, no! There's puss seeping out of my cock! One of those three girls, or the girl I shagged in the toilets at the club, one of them had poor personal hygiene! This is a catastrophe of tsunami-like proportions! No girl in her right mind's going to have sex with that.
You should ask that Daisy girl to cure you.
Right. She wants to cure the world, she can start with my cock.
DDaisy
It's Nathan, right?
Yeah, I just wanted to swing by, you know, say hi, as one superhero to another.
DDaisy
That's really sweet of you.
And look at you, with your wonderful, amazing power. I saw what you did with that guy in the wheelchair. That's like curing two normal people. Double points. And so... I was wondering... if you could maybe help me out with a small, personal affliction of my own.
DDaisy
Of course. What is it?
Well... I appear to have contracted a sexually transmitted disease of some kind. I honestly don't know how I got it.
DDaisy
I'm sorry. I don't do sexually transmitted diseases.
DDaisy
Because of the rubbing. Go to the doctors. They'll give you some antibiotics.
How long will that take to work? See, out there, there are a load of drunken girls just staggering around, waiting to be shagged. Do you really want to disappoint them?
DDaisy
I'm sorry. I'm just not prepared to spend my life rubbing other people's genitalia.
Oh, come on. Just give it a quick rub. It's lovely and clean. It's pine-forest fresh.
DDaisy
I'm not going to rub your cock!
DDaisy
It's not going to happen. Okay?
That's fair enough. I suppose I only have myself and that dirty bitch I had sex with to blame. [Referring to trophy] What's that?
DDaisy
That's my Mother Teresa Young Humanitarian of the Year Award. It's for the charity work I did in India.
Good for you, and good for Mumma Teresa. God rest her beautiful soul. I think I'm going to win that next year myself.
[Over the accidental death of Daisy] It was an accident! She was rubbing my cock! She started foaming at the mouth and then she tripped and impaled herself on her Mother Teresa Young Humanitarian of the Year Award. I know it sounds unlikely... but there it is.
The police are going to want to interview you again, but they seem to be satisfied that Daisy's death was an accident.
[Throws up hands and breathes sigh of relief] Oh! Oh! [Collapses in chair] Thank you! I just want to say... it's a tragedy. And no-one is more upset about this than me. But what's done is done. I think we should all move on, huh? Stronger, fitter, wiser. [Pulls out bra from underneath him]
This could only happen to you.
She was going to cure the world.
There's only so many times I can say I'm sorry! And if you're so cut up about it, why don't you... [makes inhales sharply while making rapid hand movements] and fix this entire situation?
You know it doesn't work like that!
I'm getting pretty sick of hearing that!
[Kicks Nathan's chair] Prick!
You fuck up like this again, and I will finish you.
[Sits at bar] So being Santa sucks a big fat cock. Two pints of lager please, barmaid.
Are you going to pay for them?
Oh, come on! I've been working for the council, scraping up dog shit.
That's thirsty work. [To Simon] So how did it all go so right for you? You end up with a cool flat and a beautiful girlfriend?
I think it's dead romantic, I do.
I think I liked it better when you suffered from a crippling shyness.
[Lunges forward] No way! No more free drink! [Nathan grabs pint and downs it in one gulp] You're such a prick. [To Alisha] You're going to get us both sacked!
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life working in some shitty bar?
Then I'm doing you a favour! [Holds up glass] Refill!
[Enters bar] This is fucking ridiculous! I had to walk all the way back from the other side of the estate.
[To Curtis] Have you got my knickers? [Nathan attempts to peer upskirt] Want a look?!
I wouldn't mind. After all, it is nearly Christmas.
