Agent J quotes from Men in Black: The Series

I'm not interested in doing this alone, J. I just... don't wanna make you look bad anymore.

J

Well... don't you worry about that. It's hard for me to look anything but good.

[looks at J weird]

J

When I'm not wearing one of these.

Hmm. I shouldn't.

J

Get your grub on, girl. How often do we get to enjoy a spread like this?

First Friday of every month. Morale boosting gatherings like these are why Zed's the top man.

J

Appretiate the inside scoop, U. Mmm. Can't wait to suck up this chow.

I heard that.

Slick?

J

Something's going down. I got a big ugly shrub in L's lab.

(to Frank) You went into my lab!?

Thought the sign said "Lavatory". I was gonna bust!

J

Frank! Wassup?

I'm freezing my tukus off here!

J

Merry Christmas. (leaves a present for Frank)

I'm Jewish.

J

Ye Merry Gentlemen in Black! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Zed

Santa Claus is back in town. That's what I'm talking about.

J

Wow. Keys. He he... The LTD?

Executive washroom. Linen towels, cologne dispenser...

J

I'm touched...

J

Raiders got con-ed, and F-15, and a neutron bomb!

We got brains, brawn, and... Jack-be-nimble.

J

See Jack go.

Go, Jack. Go.

J

You trying to sauté us?

Gee, I don't see you cartwheeling us back to shore.

J

Space Demon went too far.

Pieces still don't fit, slick.

J

What!? The Space Demon practically confessed! He rubbed out Prey and Predeterminator because he's envious of his imitators. He did Etalffap because he couldn't take being roasted on national TV. And an hour after he told us how much he hated Astrotots, one of them got whacked!

J

You know, I've always wanted to be an astronaut.

You don't have the training, slick.

J

Neither did L. Till MIB gave it to her!

Don't get your head stuck in the clouds, ace. You're of more use to earth on earth.

J

(draws a frowny face) Don't get to drive, don't get to go into outer space...

Alpha

You must have nine lives, K. Let's see if you have any left. [fires repeatedly on the ice below]

J

Good thing the guy's a lousy shot!

He's not aiming at us. Those plasma orbs will melt the ice cap.

J

And?

Flood half the planet.

Alpha

Always so negative, K. Don't you think Nebraska deserves a beachfront?

J

Technology from nine different galaxies and MIB still can't make an alien suit that doesn't itch.

Steady, sport. If we don't convince this gang we're the new Pazzims on the block, an itch will be the least of your worries.

(reading the stone tablet on the statue) Tamed the Wild Wild West and rescued Baxter from ruin. (speaking to J) You give the sheriff any advice?

J

No.

(reading the stone tablet on the statue) Sheriff V.T. "Slick" Clemens!?

J

Okay, maybe a few small pointers.

We're on the job, pilgrim. Get in, get out, remain as inconspicuous as possible.

J

Not easy. We're gonna stick out like sore thumbs.

Speak for yourself, tenderfoot. (gives his tie a slight pull and his entire suit transforms into a cowboy outfit)

J

(pulls his tie and nothing happens) Hey! Where are my duds!?

Gotta plan ahead.

[Wakes up from his nap after hearing the bell ring]] K! J! What brings you here?

Pair of insects.

J

We think they've been power shopping.

You check Bloomie's? They have a much larger selection. [K blows Jeebs' head off, then it grows back] When will I learn?