We don't need the lottery. We have each other.
I want the lottery.
“A Dump of My Own” · Season 3, Episode 5
In this episode: Al Bundy (6), Peg (2), Bud Bundy (2), Peggy Bundy (2), Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy (1)
I swear that he is more in love with that toilet than he is with me.
Oh, of course he is not.
Hey, Peg [hugs the toilet]. Daddy loves you. Daddy loves you.
What does that toilet have that I don't?
A job.
Where's Dad?
In the bathroom breaking in his new toilet.
[Al walks in the living room and sits on the couch] How was it, honey?
I don't know, Peg. I'm constipated. This is the worst day of my life. I wonder if this ever happened to Dad?
Aww, honey. Do you want me to undercook you some chicken?
No thanks, Peg. It'll take more than raw poultry to fix what's wrong with me. [Al turns on TV]
MOMan on TV
And now back to the rest of ABC's lineup, Roseanne and the Emmy winning Thirtysomething.
[Al nods his head, picks up the newspaper and walks back into the bathroom]
Gee I wish I could figure out what happened to my tools and my copper wiring and my tile and my life and my manhood.
Why did we buy a house with only one bathroom?
Because all the other houses in our price range were on fire. Except for that lovely house with no kitchen that I wanted.
Well, we all have our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.
Is that its new name?
Bud, did you take my adjustable wrenches?
(in a sarcastic tone) Yeah, Dad. You're on to me. We've been having these wild parties. Y'know, invite some girls over, turn the lights down low, and gang-fix the sink.
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