Dan Espinoza quotes from Lucifer

Dan

[irate] Seriously? For all we know, someone could've put it in there at one of your latest sex parties.

Lucifer

Have you ever been to a sex party, Daniel? We don't pass notes to each other.

Dan

Amenadiel, you gotta stop playing vigilante. You can't make citizen's arrests on jaywalkers and littering.

Amenadiel

There was a sign. It was clearly forbidden.

Dan

The kid was three years old.

Dan

I gotta tell Chloe.

Lucifer

Well, as long as it speeds things along.

Dan

It actually might be a new lead. Great work, Lucifer.

Lucifer

Take that back!

Dan

[regarding Chloe's ex-boyfriend] God, I hate that guy. They broke up right before I met Chloe. But I always kind of felt like I was living in his shadow, you know? I don't know if it's the whole 'first love' thing or what. I swear, there's a part of Chloe that will never get over his stupid chiseled face. [off Lucifer's look] Sorry, man.

Lucifer

There's no need to apologize. The detective had a child with you, and I've never felt the slightest bit threatened. But you're right. He does have a stupid face.

Chloe

How'd you find out (about Lucifer's true nature)?

Dan

[slightly agitated] I saw him that night. With Amenadiel and Charlie. I came back and I saw his... his freaky scary-ass red face!

Lucifer

Well, I'm not particularly fond of your face either, Daniel, but you don't see me trying to kill you.

Lucifer

Countless hours of meticulous planning, dozens of favors called in, so many Easter Eggs from our previous adventures - did you spot them all? [chuckles] Five million, four thousand, one hundred and fifty-seven dollars spent. Totally worth it!

Dan

This... all of this - the dog, the car wreck... I woke up this morning with no clothes on, next to a dead body.

Lucifer

[laughs] Daniel Espinosa: naked and afraid. Cheers. [Lucifer and Dan clink glasses and drink]

Dan

I don't understand how you pulled it off, man. Even you couldn't control everything.

Lucifer

Well, the hardest part was making sure the Detective wasn't involved. Hence all the illegalities I knew you wouldn't want to share with her. I mean, she would have seen through the charade right away, because she's... well, a Detective.

Dan

I'm a Detective.

Lucifer

[scoffs] After that, there was very little to control. I mean, you're very predictable, Daniel.

Dan

[in disbelief] No. No, no, no, no, no, you had to have known... every single decision I would make. [laughs incredulously] How's that even possible?

Lucifer

Well, I knew that you would never give up. That every opportunity to quit, I knew that your... oafish optimism would keep you going. I suppose I realise that, whenever you're given a choice, you always... at least try and do the right thing.

Dan

Thank you, Lucifer. [in realisation] It's crazy, but I think I needed this. I've been in a really weird place for a long time. And I think I'm through it now. I can't explain it. But you really helped me.

Lucifer

Oh... well, that's not why I did this at all.

Dan

Well, then, why did you do all this?

Lucifer

Because you fucking shot me, Daniel!