Chloe Decker quotes from Lucifer

Chloe

I arrested Father Kinley, so you don't have to worry about him coming after you anymore.

Lucifer

I don't care that he was trying to hurt me. I care that you were.

Amenadiel

After all that you've been through, Chloe, what you're worried about most is what's best for those that you care about. No wonder your dad is so proud of you.

Chloe

Oh, that's sweet, but you know, my dad, he...

Chloe

He... [realizes] Oh! Right. Thank you.

Chloe

This isn't gonna work.

Lucifer

No, I agree. A gingham pocket square can be a bit aggressive, but I'm feeling it.

Chloe

Golden gun. It's unique and it sounds familiar.

Lucifer

Yes, Roger Moore's Bond films. Perhaps our killer's Scaramanga, the man with three nipples.

Chloe

Lucifer, this is not who you are. I think Eve is a bad influence on you.

Lucifer

This has nothing to do with her. It's who I am. I punish people.

Chloe

So do I. But like I said, there is a right way and there is a wrong way.

Lucifer

And what makes you the authority on right and wrong?

Chloe

Because I'm a cop and it's the law.

Lucifer

Well, I'm the Devil! [gets angrier and more agitated] I ruled Hell. Bad people were sent to me so they could get what they deserve, and it is my job to do the same here on Earth, because when I don't.... When I don't, bad things happen.

Chloe

Father Kinley had been asking to see me, so I finally went. [getting nervous] He told me about... a prophecy.

Lucifer

[scoffs] Right. What is it this time? Frogs about to start falling from the sky, or... perhaps winter is coming.

Lucifer

I can't go downstairs, Detective. Between my sunglasses, scarf and gloves, I'll look like Stevie Wonder on a snow day.

Chloe

[pulls out a full-face white porcelain Devil mask] Don't worry. I got you covered.

Chloe

Hm. You're in a good mood.

Lucifer

Well. The world will not be destroyed because I forgave myself. So I'd say that's a pretty darn good day for me and all mankind for that matter, so... you're welcome.

Chloe

[trying to be discreet] So, um... it's all... totally gone? The red skin, the devil wings. No more flare-ups?

Lucifer

It's not hemorrhoids, Detective

Maze

Looks like we're gonna need to pay Doug a visit.

Chloe

A guy like Doug's gonna--

Maze

Lawyer up?

Chloe

First sign of police.

Maze

We need--

Chloe

Leverage.

Maze

I know what you're thinking.

Chloe

Might be the only way.

Maze

But what about--

Chloe

It's dangerous.

Maze

Then what if we--

Chloe

He'll see it coming.

Maze

[thinks, then smiles] I have an idea.

Chloe

.... Absolutely not, Maze. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Maze

Fine! Fine! We'll do it your way.

Chloe

Good.

[coughing up blood] Oh, man. I'm so sorry. That's gross. Hey, are you the detective? I'm a demon, and Lord Lucifer sent me to give you a message about the case.

Chloe

[softly] Lucifer. [to Gromos] How is he?

Uh, he's the King of Hell, so he's great.

Lucifer

There must be something you're not telling us.

Not to speak ill of the dead, but Judy was a bit of a party pooper. We had about five books the entire time we were in there, and she managed to spoil the endings to all of them.

Chloe

[imitating Lucifer's normal interrogation style] Yeah? What'd you do, bite the head off a bat? Stab her in her sorry space ass? Huh, Shar-ron?!

Actually, that was my husband that bit the head of a bat.

Chloe

[shouting] Oh, come on! You're lying.

Lucifer

I apologize for my partner. That was very unprofessional.

It's quite all right. By the way, I never managed to thank you for all the things you did for Ozzy. From one Prince of Darkness to another, right? [laughs]

Lucifer

Yes. Well done.

Michael

Ow! You know that won't kill me.

Chloe

Yeah, but it makes me feel better. [shoots him again]

Lucifer

[regarding Michael] Every word that comes out of that admittedly dashing face is a lie.

Chloe

Oh, well, that's a relief, because he said something so insane, I, well, obviously knew it had to be a lie.

Lucifer

[groans] Did he claim he's friends with Elvis? 'Cause, for one, the King's still alive and I'm the only one who knows where.

[simultaneously] Freeze! L.A.P.D.! Drop the gun!

Chloe

Wait. I'm a real cop with a real gun. That's a prop. Put it down.

[an actress playing a character loosely based on Chloe] Sorry. Force of habit. [chuckles]

Lucifer

Well, that little showdown will be fueling my fantasies for the next few millennia.

Lucifer

All right. I get it, Detective. You're struggling with feeling like you can't cope. Well, welcome to the bloody club!

Chloe

You have no right to yell at me. Our situations are nothing alike. You are a angel. You deal with celestial craziness all the time. I am just a person, Lucifer. Just a person who was already dealing with the fact that I'm in love with the Devil, and then.... I find out that I was made... to feel that way. [getting emotional] That my life isn't my own, so I am sorry if your brother is a jerk to you sometimes.