Lucifer Morningstar quotes from Lucifer

Maze

But if you insist on continuing this exploration, maybe next time, I won't be around to save your ass.

Lucifer

Well, that is a shame. 'Cause you and my backside used to get on very well. My front side as well, actually.

Chloe

Please tell me I'm hallucinating.

Lucifer

Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

Lucifer

This poor sap's either already in Hell or in the "Silver City, enduring Uriel's welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.

Chloe

Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.

Lucifer

Ooh, I love role-play.

Linda

And yet you keep trying on many hats to hide your horns. Playboy, cop, club owner...

Lucifer

Yes, you forget "master of all things tongue-related."

Chloe

I need your help like I need a third boob.

Lucifer

Hmm.

Chloe

Wait. Don't say a word. 'knew it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.

Amenadiel

Paul's wrists were too thick to fit in those chains.

Lucifer

I know. That man never could pass on dessert, could he?

Amenadiel

He should have been the saint of…

Honey cakes!

Chloe

Remember the Palmetto case I was telling you about?

Lucifer

The case that's been consuming you, causing people to despise you, call you names--I even quarreled on occasion because of it? No, doesn't ring a bell.

Lucifer

You're not busy, are you?

Chloe

Actually, shocker, I am busy. And it's really not a good day for…your…"Lucifer-ness."

Dan

We brought you a birthday gift.

Lucifer

Is that the royal "we"?

Chloe

Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser. It's our station's birthday tradition.

Lucifer

Lovely! How can I refuse? Can I refuse?

Dan

Of course you can. and we'll always think less of you.

Lucifer

You're supposed to be on my side, you know.

Linda

No. I'm supposed to help you process your emotions so that you can deal with them constructively.

Lucifer

Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I'm right.

Linda

What's bothering you right now?

Lucifer

Well... right now I'm experiencing a very odd feeling. It's--it's like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.

Chloe

You. You're really in therapy?

Lucifer

Why is that so surprising?

Chloe

You're the least reflective person I know.

Lucifer

I have layers. I'm like an onion. An irresistible one.

Chloe

You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.

Lucifer

It can't hurt to try.

Chloe

Pretty sure it can.

Linda

Have you ever considered that all of this excessive partying may be your attempt to fill a void?

Lucifer

"Attempt"? I filled five voids last night.

Linda

That's not what I meant.

Father Frank

We all have demons inside.

Lucifer

My demon tends the bar.