Lucifer Morningstar quotes from Lucifer

[simultaneously] Freeze! L.A.P.D.! Drop the gun!

Chloe

Wait. I'm a real cop with a real gun. That's a prop. Put it down.

[an actress playing a character loosely based on Chloe] Sorry. Force of habit. [chuckles]

Lucifer

Well, that little showdown will be fueling my fantasies for the next few millennia.

Lucifer

All right. I get it, Detective. You're struggling with feeling like you can't cope. Well, welcome to the bloody club!

Chloe

You have no right to yell at me. Our situations are nothing alike. You are a angel. You deal with celestial craziness all the time. I am just a person, Lucifer. Just a person who was already dealing with the fact that I'm in love with the Devil, and then.... I find out that I was made... to feel that way. [getting emotional] That my life isn't my own, so I am sorry if your brother is a jerk to you sometimes.

Lucifer, that ring is the only thing in the entire Universe that means anything to me. I'm going to get it back. And you are going to help me.

Lucifer

Uh-huh. And why would I do that?

Because you owe me.

Lucifer

[realizing] Right. That. The Devil solving crime. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Trixie

Huh?

Lucifer

Forget it, Trix. It's Chinatown.

Trixie

It's what?

Lucifer

Never mind. Would you like to hear the rest of the story or not?

Lucifer

Let me get this straight. I just spent millennia down there diligently doing everything He asked without complaint, and you have one sleepover in Hell and Dad tells you your watch is over?

Amenadiel

Well, you know Father works in--

Lucifer

If you finish that sentence, I will punch you in your "mysterious ways."

Dan

I gotta tell Chloe.

Lucifer

Well, as long as it speeds things along.

Dan

It actually might be a new lead. Great work, Lucifer.

Lucifer

Take that back!

Chloe

[referring to the victim] Okay, Ella, what do we have?

Ella

BlueBallz.

Lucifer

You, too?

Dan

[regarding Chloe's ex-boyfriend] God, I hate that guy. They broke up right before I met Chloe. But I always kind of felt like I was living in his shadow, you know? I don't know if it's the whole 'first love' thing or what. I swear, there's a part of Chloe that will never get over his stupid chiseled face. [off Lucifer's look] Sorry, man.

Lucifer

There's no need to apologize. The detective had a child with you, and I've never felt the slightest bit threatened. But you're right. He does have a stupid face.

Lucifer

Good morning, Detective.

Chloe

Good morning.

Lucifer

Are you cold?

Chloe

Cold? No, why?

Lucifer

Odd. Given that Hell was supposed to freeze over.

Chloe

[laughs] Right, 'cause I said that I wouldn't have sex with you until Hell... Yes, yes, you think you're very funny.

Lucifer

Oh, I know I'm very funny. [kisses her]

Chloe

Because you're vulnerable around me, I sometimes forget how strong you are. How powerful.

Lucifer

Less and less, as you're well aware.

Chloe

Feeling human, feeling weak, having to rely on other people, it must be so hard, so scary for you.

Lucifer

[scoffs] I suppose what I call powerlessness is what everyone else calls a Tuesday.

Chloe

How'd you find out (about Lucifer's true nature)?

Dan

[slightly agitated] I saw him that night. With Amenadiel and Charlie. I came back and I saw his... his freaky scary-ass red face!

Lucifer

Well, I'm not particularly fond of your face either, Daniel, but you don't see me trying to kill you.

Chloe

You know (Michael) taps into people's fears. And yeah, I... Yes, I guess a part of me is afraid.

Lucifer

Of what?

Chloe

Um... Afraid that you don't... feel the same way that I feel about you.

Lucifer

What?

Chloe

And... the last thing I want to do is push you into saying something you don't want to, but I know you can't lie. So just tell me, is that... why you haven't said it back?

Lucifer

Haven't said what back? [slowly realizes] Oh. I... But Detective, I.... It's... it's complicated.

Chloe

[sniffs] All right.

Lucifer

No, I-I-I mean,.... Detective, I do, of course I do. It's--

Chloe

[mildly] Right, right.

Lucifer

No, Dete-- Chloe. I... [works up the nerve] I lo--

Lucifer

Why would you ever trust Michael? He's a liar!

Maze

He's only ever been honest with me. You... You hid my mother from me.

Lucifer

How did you--?

Lucifer

I'm sorry, Maze, but I gave Lilith my word.

Maze

Which is apparently more important to you than I am!

Lucifer

[softly] Dad.

Children. You know I hate it when you fight.

Michael

I know what you're trying to do, and I'm not going to let you ruin this, Samael.

Lucifer

Very well... Mike-ael.

Michael

It's "Michael".

Lucifer

Is it? I mean, we're twins after all. Fairly certain Dad wanted them to rhyme. Dad?

I did like the sound of that. "Samael", "Mike-ael". [chuckles] But you boys had other ideas.