Serena Southerlyn quotes from Law & Order

Justification?

Serena

"Yes, I killed, but God told me to."

You gotta admit, it's a lot more creative than "the Devil made me do it".

McCoy

Next stop, virgin sacrifices.

McCoy

Smile, Serena. This is our Inherit the Wind. This is where we get to prove in a court of law that there is no big guy up there with the white beard pulling invisible strings.

Serena

So what exactly did those nuns do to you?

Docket #423763. People vs. Jacqueline Scott. Charge is murder in the first degree.

That's as good as it gets. What's your plea?

Not guilty, your honor.

My client is a valued member of the community. She employs thousands of New Yorkers who depend on her for their salary.

Does she have a cat? I like cats.

Serena

The state asks for remand without bail. Miss Scott's wealth makes her a flight risk.

Since when is financial success a criminal offense?

So, let's say we make her that much less offensive. Bail is set at 2,000,000 cash.

Serena

Your honor, this defendant could hop on a private plane as easily as you and I could get on the subway.

But can she get a cab in the rain? I'll take your passport, too, Miss Scott.

Serena

For added assurance, the People also request an electronic ankle bracelet and house arrest.

Don't fret, Miss Scott. Maybe you can cook up some matching accessories. [bangs gavel] Next.

Serena

Not that it matters, but does he feel any kind of remorse at all?

No. Clay Warner couldn't care less about anyone.

McCoy

I can't think of a better candidate for execution.

McCoy

4 people got on the boat, one got off. The math's not difficult.

I don't like boats. They dropped me off in Greenport. Darrell and everybody were fine.

Serena

Yeah, there is that pirate problem.

McCoy

Scofield has been standing over the oven for twenty-five years. He thought it was about time he got a taste of the pie.

Serena

Now Scofield's out and Anchin's in. That's going to be a hard pill for the parents of the Knowles School to swallow.

Oh, they'll get over it, once they forget about where his money came from.

McCoy

It's the American way: yesterday's robber baron is tomorrow's philanthropist.

Serena

What you're really trying to say is cash trumps merit every time.

And twice on Sundays!

McCoy

There's always a chance Justin could be rehabilitated, Arthur.

4 dead? I don't think he's earned that chance. And I also think my senior prosecutor should agree with it.

McCoy

I do.

Serena

But...?

McCoy

I'm a father.

Docket #534687. People vs. Reynaldo Celaya. Murder in the first degree.

And the plea?

Not guilty, your honor.

There's a first. Miss Southerlyn?

Southerlyn

The defendant shot and killed his brother's wife within days of being released from prison. Bail shouldn't even be a consideration.

I don't suppose you agree with that.

Bail schmail. What's a couple of days in Rikers after 10 years in Attica? Not gonna waste your time, your honor.

You know what, counselor? This is a first.

¡Tu eres un demonio! ¡Asesino!

¡Era mi esposa!

[shouts back in Spanish]

Not if I kill you first!!

¡Yo te mato! ¡Yo te mato! ¡Es mi esposa!

She's my wife! Cabron, she's my wife!

¡¡ASESINO!! [shouts in Spanish] ¡Reynaldo, yo te mato! ¡Asesino! ¡ASESINO!

Hmm. Nothing like a little excitement to get the heart pumping. What's next on the menu?

Docket #534781. People vs. Clara Perazzo. Charge is murder in the second degree.

Surprise me, Miss Perazzo.

I don't know what you mean.

I need a plea. Did you do it?

Yes!

I don't think my client understands, your honor.

I understand perfectly. I killed the SOB.

She's obviously mentally disturbed.

Southerlyn

The defendant killed her husband, your honor.

She ran him over 4 times with her car.

I admire her restraint.

I object!

Cool your jets, counselor. Shall we take this from the top?

No need to, your honor. Dom is dead, and I did it. I knew exactly what I was doing.

I'm not supposed to express personal opinions in the courtroom, but I gotta tell you, Miss Perazzo, you make me proud to be an American.

Thank you.

Cheating on you, was he?

Yeah! But I could live with that. I could live with his perversions. But I won't go under the knife for anyone! [points at her breasts] These were good enough for him when we got married!

Serena

You didn't ask for bail, Jessica. You must know...

I know a lot of things. I know I defended a father who raped and murdered his 11-year-old daughter. I've defended a guy who, for no apparent reason, walked into a grocery store, shot 12 innocent people with an Uzi. Right now, I've got a kid who decapitated his mom, hung her head on a stick outside his church. All the scum of the Earth, they send them my way. I do my best for them. But this guy... So you're turning down my offer?

McCoy

You know I have no choice.

Damn it.

McCoy

All you have to do is...

I can't! Mark Bruner scares the socks off of me, Jack. How am I supposed to represent someone that I'm scared to death to be in the same room with?

McCoy

Did he threaten you?

My motion to be relieved. I know you have to oppose it, but do you really have to win?

McCoy

The job of a congressman is to become a senator. The job of a senator is to become president. Everyone does what they do for the wrong reasons, but somehow, the whole system works.

Serena

That's politics, not law.

McCoy

Same difference.

Serena

Oh, really? What's your secret ambition?

McCoy

It wouldn't be a secret then, would it?

Yeah, who is that stupid S.O.B. anyway?

Serena

Tim Schwimmer, legal aid, and he isn't exactly stupid.

He listened to his client when he told him about 15 other bodies?

Serena

Yes.

He then confirmed his client was telling the truth by taking a peek at those bodies?

Serena

Yes.

Fine. What's dumber than stupid?

Cole Porter's lucky he's gone, what with the dearth of respect you show men of the theater.

McCoy

Cole Porter didn't have a dead woman in his townhouse, Lisa.

John Myers? Please. He's as likely to have killed somebody as...

Serena

Sweeney Todd?

Serena

My father. The only one of my tennis matches he actually came to, he spent doing paperwork. It didn't make me love him less, it just made me try that much harder to make him love me more.

Were you successful?

Serena

You should see my backhand.

Serena

Did anyone find any type of weapon in Peter Rubin's home?

Briscoe

Not unless you count the world's most boring record collection.

Your problem was too many blue-collar jurors. They identified with Kenneth Silva.

Serena

How do you know who the holdouts were?

The people who escape jury duty? Same people who escape active duty.