Ed Green quotes from Law & Order

C'mon, guys. It's not like I'm the first man on the planet to step out on his wife.

Green

You ain't the first man whose mistress ended up dead, either.

Green

Took one in the back of the head. Close range, small caliber. No exit wound, no brass. Very tidy. Very professional.

Briscoe

Yeah, what do you bet there's no prints, either?

Green

Well, we'd better find Mrs. Rosatti, tell her her husband's dead.

Briscoe

If she doesn't already know.

Green

Man, you are such a cynic when it comes to love.

Briscoe

Not love. Marriage.

Do either of you speak French?

Green

A little.

Good, then you'll understand what I mean when I say my father was a schmuck.

Serena

What, you think they'll talk to me?

Green

Blonde hair, blue eyes...Hell, if you're lucky, they'll put you in a poster.

Serena

[sarcastically] Gee, thanks.

Lt. Van Buren

What is it with the male of the species?

Briscoe

Got a couple of months?

Lt. Van Buren

I'm referring to the way you can just about melt in front of a guy who can hit a ball with a bat.

Green

All I said was that if the kid stays healthy, he's a lock for Cooperstown.

Lt. Van Buren

Yeah, only it was how you said it.

Green

How'd I say it?

Lt. Van Buren

Like a 6-year-old talking about a banana split.

Briscoe

Will's what you call "old-fashioned".

Green

You mean prehistoric.

Briscoe

And yet he's entertaining, in a Neanderthal sort of way.

So what, you get some kind of raise for every brother you bring in?

Green

That's right man, for every 10 I bring in I get an extra day's pay. If he's got a big mouth, I get 2 days. If I bring him in a little bloody, The Man gives me a damn toaster oven!

Lt. Van Buren

5 hours? I hope to hell he called you in the morning.

Green

Hey, the best way to get a drunk to open his mouth is to let him drink, isn't that right, Lennie?

Briscoe

Hear, hear!

Briscoe

Were you home all evening, Mr Scofield?

Except for my constitutional, which I take every evening religiously at 8 o'clock.

Green

Your "constitutional"?

Briscoe

You should watch more Masterpiece Theatre, Ed.

Briscoe

You know, Ed, I've heard about this, but I never thought it could actually happen.

Green

What?

Briscoe

She shopped 'til she dropped.

Green

What'd you find out?

Briscoe

Could have been a stray bullet.

Green

6 inches to the right, she'd still be here.

Briscoe

6 inches to the right and Lincoln would have seen the end of the play.

Green

Damn!

Briscoe

What?

Green

We got a jumper.

Briscoe

I may join him.

Green

People get around stars, they get stupid.

Briscoe

Waiting in line to see Madonna is stupid. This is a felony.

Green

You know, I can't help but wonder - and this may just be the cop in me, but I'm a little curious - I'd really like to know why you knocked this girl out before you raped her. I mean, how much fun could that be?

Wasn't me.

Green

I mean, she's just layin' there, in the cab or wherever, almost like she's dead. I mean, the only thing I can think of is you didn't want her to see...

See what?

Green

Come on, man. Both of us have been in locker rooms. Some dudes got it, some don't. And girls these days, they been around, some of 'em. They know the difference. Yeah, I guess if a teenage girl were laughing at you, it would be a whole lot easier to just smack her first. [Bruner starts laughing] What?

Oh, I like you.

Briscoe

My ex made me see a shrink.

Green

Now that was money well spent.

Briscoe

Twice a week I used to get on the couch, tell him how the head of the orphanage used to get a kick out of beating me with his shoe.

Green

[laughs] That sounds like Oliver Twist.

Briscoe

[laughs] It is!