Ed Green quotes from Law & Order

Carmichael

What do you call this?

Green

Besides a bunch of crazy, rich white people with too much time on their hands?

Green

Guy stuck his car in a garage, thought he was safe.

Briscoe

He forgot the high cost of parking in Manhattan.

I don't see a warrant.

Green

It'll be here in a minute.

It's my understanding that "in a minute" and "right now" are two entirely different things.

So you found my radio, huh? Great. If you happen to see a few wheels and an engine, let me know. My car was stolen four months ago.

Green

Four months ago?

Yeah, some cops raided a chop shop up in the Bronx back in November. They showed up here with one of my front doors. Now you guys bring me my radio. At this rate, I figure I should have the whole car back in about seven years.

Briscoe

Let's get some burgers.

Green

What you got against that Indian place?

Briscoe

You ever seen one Indian in there?

Briscoe

One of my ex-wives called this morning to bust my chops.

Green

Which one?

Briscoe

I forget.

Green

[reading a death threat] "Carlin, you stank-ass bitch, I'm gonna make you lick my Mac-10."

Briscoe

I'm guessing the motion was denied.

Green

You got an alibi for last night night?

Penelope Cruz.

Green

Penelope Cruz?

Yeah. I was home sleepin', she was in my dreams.

Green

Found this under the front seat of her car.

Briscoe

A parking stub from A&M.

Green

The lot where Ronnie Buck was killed.

You didn't find that in my car, you put it there!

Briscoe

I knew those fake parking stubs would come in handy some day.

Green

Vega hasn't had a gig in 10 years and he socked away millions of dollars. Maybe I should get a manager.

Briscoe

Singing in a karaoke bar doesn't count.

Green

Looks she said the hell with her stuff and just took off.

Briscoe

I don't blame her. Isn't moving one of the 7 major traumas? Death, divorce, colonoscopy?

Briscoe

[reading a movie poster] "Les Artistes d'Armour. A painter shows how passion is the highest form of art."

Green

Sounds like a date movie.

Briscoe

Sounds like I'm home watching the Knicks game.

Your shrink was trying to predict antisocial behavior by looking at her subjects' early childhood experience.

Green

Did she predict someone would grow up and murder their therapist?

You'd have to get into her session notes. That's where any clues would be.

Briscoe

What kind of clues?

First thing I'd look for would be some sort of physical abuse, possibly sexual. And because the nature of your murder was particularly vicious, I'd focus on someone who felt betrayed by their therapist.

Briscoe

At 150 an hour, that would be practically everybody, wouldn't it?

Green

That's the trouble with you AA types. You see an alcoholic behind every bush.

Briscoe

Which is where they are.

Green

[after Phil repeatedly calls him a primate] I want to ask your opinion on Einstein's theory because I'm not sure he was right.

Headline: "Cop Cracks Relativity."

Green

No, not that theory, Phil. His theory on genius. See, and correct me if I'm wrong, Einstein argued that genius has no personality. But after talking to you for this short amount of time, I realize that you actually prove the negative. You definitely have personality. And it makes this primate want to whoop your ass. Now say somethin'.