“Goodbye Hollywood” quotes from L.A. 7

Tina

Hey! My mum’s just bought my dad a new extension lead for a strimmer. Now he can really get stuck into that scruffy bit of more grass behind the shed. Isn’t that

Paul

Wow. Epic.

I don’t know who to dress.

Jo

I think we’re getting into a rut here. I mean we’ve been in L.A. for months now and nothing seems to be happening for us.

Jon

Yeah. I think we need a change.

Bradley

Joni Alert! Joni Alert! Joni Alert!

Paul

I thought she was in an assertiveness workshop!

Jon

I’m sorry, but that woman needs assertiveness like the desert needs sand.

Tina

Look at this place! It’s a tip!

Hannah

Ah!

Tina

Gosh, she’s gonna kill us!

Rachel

Yeah, do you remember the last time she saw this place in a mess?

Joni

This place is a mess! Look at it! I mean don’t you ever clean it up? It’s disgusting! (to the rest of the band mates) Listen up, everybody! The terms of your lease say that this place must be kept clean or I can throw you out at any time.

Paul

I’ve got to go and see a man about the goose.

Bradley

More milk.

Joni

Oh, no, no, no, no, no you don’t! No!

Joni

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Jo

Erm. How was the assertiveness course?

Joni

Hmm? What course? All that. No. I didn’t go, didn’t go, I couldn’t. Not since I tried meditating while driving and, oops, ran my car into the ditch.

Joni

Car was the total right off. So, place is looking good, by the way.

Paul

Are you alright? You’re not injured. Anything not.

Bradley

Especially like in the brain.

Joni

Oh, no. I’m okay. As a matter of fact, I’ve never been more okay and all my life. Especially since I met the tow truck guy. Yep, loves me a truck.

Rachel

Okay, Joni. What’s his name? What does he do and where does he come from?

Joni

His name is Jim who lives in Arizona and he doesn’t just drive a tow truck. He raises snakes for the movies.

Hannah

Wow That’s…weird.

Joni

And that’s not all. We’re getting married!

Married?

Joni

Yeah. Isn’t that great? Jim Bob and I were so in love. We’re just gonna sell up and start at this snake ranch in Tucson.

Bradley

Sell up? You can’t do that. What’s gonna happen to us?

Tina

Don’t be selfish, Bradley. Congratulations. It’s amazing here.

Joni

Thanks.

Tina

What is gonna happen to us now?

Tina

I think we should give it one more try.

Jo

Yeah, okay. We should just go straight up to our so-called agent and say “Amish. Either things starts to happen.” or “We’re outta there.”

Paul

And then they’ll be begging us to stay.

Yeah.

Jon

Okay, so I’ll call him and see if he’ll meet us at the cafe.

Mr. Walters

No. Don’t go. I’m begging you. What do you want? Just-Just tell me. I’ll do anything if you’ll stay. Please. (finishing his conversation on his phone) Roffers. He’ll wait 6 months for him to show up and then the first great offer that comes along. They-They drop you faster than a pooper-scooper with a hole in it. Say you don’t happen to know anything about guttering, do you, Jo?

Mr. Walters

Anyway, enough about my problems. What about yours?

Jon

You do not want to hear about our problems, Mr. Walters.

Mr. Walters

Hey, sure. I do your problems or my problems, unless they have to do with a dry skin conditioner. In that case, you’re on your own.

Paul

Well, we did have one question for you.

Tina

And for once, we’d like to hear an honest answer.

Mr. Walters

Hey. Hit me with it. Honesty is my middle name.

Rachel

That is such a lie.

Mr. Walters

True.

Tina

So, are we ever gonna make it here in L.A.?

Jon

And if so, what are you gonna do about it right now to make sure it happens?

Mr. Walters

It’s difficult, it’s very difficult.

Paul

And your final answer is…

Mr. Walters

I don’t know. I think I’m gonna have to get a regular builder to do the guttering.

Jo

Yes or no, Mr. Walters.

Mr. Walters

I hate… Look, I’m sending your tape to a big producer friend of mine. I’m sure he’s gonna love it.

Tina

Is he really any chance related to that other big producer you were talking about last time?

Mr. Walters

Well, possibly.

Jo

Or the one before that.

Mr. Walters

Hey, hey, hey. No, no. This guy is straight up, honest. He’s a head honcho at Polymer Records. He’s a big big friend of mine.

Rachel

Great. What’s his name?

Tina

Bye, Walters.

Bradley

It’s been nice not working with you.

Mr. Walters

It’s Harry. No.

Jon

So this is it. The last day ever in our L.A. apartment which, to be honest, is actually quite sad.

Jo

Well, it’s sad. It’s happy at the same time. It’s like… It’s like when it’s raining and the sun comes out at the same time.

Paul

It’s quite poetic for you, Jo. Very impressed.

Jo

It’s good, isn’t it?

Jon

And this is the living room. There’s been a lot of happy memories here.

Jon

Yes! Now this is more like it!

Jo

Yeah. It’s good to be back on the road.

Bradley

New people.

Tina

New places.

Paul

New road side diners.

Hannah

It’s gonna be a big big blos!

Yeah!

Paul

Where are we going then?