So, where should we go tonight then?
Well, wherever it is a bit pitchy because I’m skint.
You’re always skint. When you get money, you don’t have to spend it immediately, you know, Han. It’s not compulsory. You better stay in tonight.
Yeah, but you’re still coming, aren’t you?
What a day. Tell ya. Being a cinema aser is a lot harder than it looks, alright? You got the back seat, anti-snug patrol. You got the Slurpee volume enforcement and you got the ground to air popcorn prevention. Anyway, I thought you lot were going out.
No. We’ve been waiting for you, mate.
Yeah. We’re not gonna go out without you, are we?
Erm, yeah. You have been paid, right?
Well, actually, yeah. I made 50 bucks today.
Cinema? Has she made 50 bucks a day?
No, I don’t get paid to the end of the week, but that’s just some of the change I found down the back of the seats.
Great. So where are we going?
Well, I’m quite parped. So I think I’ll have a night in.
Well, there’s a slight problem, see? We haven’t got any money, so we were thinking that maybe you could…
You still owe me 20 bucks from Florida, you little monkey.
No, I don’t. I mean that to Paul.
Don’t look at me. I gave that to Tina.
Hey, nothing to do with me. Rachel wanted it and she didn’t like to ask.
I only need cos I let my last 20 to Jon.
Yeah, and I would never have asked if I hadn’t already given all my money to Bradley.
So you mean I owe myself 20 bucks. Ha ha.
Look, we don’t have to go out to have fun.
No. Hannah’s right. Why don’t we all spend the evening in?
We’ll do what they did in the olden days. You know, before nightclubs are invented, I suppose.
What? You mean like skinning dinosaurs?
Come on, guys. We’re gonna have a great time. We can enjoy each other’s company, talk about current affairs, politics, literature.
Yeah. Who needs music and all those fancy electronics to enjoy themselves? Come on. Let’s go for it. Alright.
So, what should we talk about then? Mmm?
The lights have come out.
Oh. A dozen squid was just about to start.
Oh, no. My hair’s gonna look like straw.
Your hair always looks like straw.
Look. Just got to sit down and try and work this one out.
Jo! Stop trying to sit on my lap!
Sorry, Hannah. I can’t see anything.
Obviously, you didn’t realize there’s a little bowl of guacamole in my lap.
What is going on down here?
Oh my gosh! If Joni finds out about this, we’re out.
I have a strange feeling. She will find out.
I can’t even see to sit down.
Yes we can. (turning the flashlight on) Heh. Allow me to show you to your seats. (to Rachel) Madam, please no talking. (to Hannah) Chew quietly. (to Paul and Tina) Sir, madam.
Show consideration for the other patrons…and enjoy the show.
What’s that noise coming from outside?
1N1st Neighbor
What’s going on? My lights have blown!
2N2nd Neighbor
So are mine.
I’m really sorry, but I think… I think it was us that blew the lights.
2N2nd Neighbor
Oh, great. It was the Brits.
1N1st Neighbor
Oh! I might have known.
2N2nd Neighbor
Well, let’s gang up on them. Throw them out.
1N1st Neighbor
Yeah. We did it in 1776 and we can do it again.
Hold on. You just wait a minute. If it’s our fault, we’ll fix it. Alright?
See? Wally will repair it! Everybody knows Wally. Wally’s a qualified electrician. You are qualified, aren’t you, Wal?
So, Wally will repair it and there’ll be no need to tell Joni that we blew out her entire building. Deal?
2N2nd Neighbor
All right.
Well, I’m glad to see it’s all been sorted out.
WWally
Uh, not really. We haven’t worked out my fee.
Oh, yes. Your fee. Okay, Wally, come on. Give us a wall park figure.
WWally
Well, rewiring an entire building, replacing dozens of junction boxes, scores of power points. It’s a big job. It’s a very big job. I’d say conservative estimate. 90,000,000.
Where are we gonna get $200 from?
Well, we’re definitely ain’t gonna find it down the back of the cinema seat, that’s for sure.
All I have to find a job, however stupid, however pathetic. We’ll each have to get a job and work really hard and raise the money.
Hey, Rach, have you still got the paper?
There you are, Rach. Here’s one for you. Professional dog-sitter.
No way! I’m a cat person. You wouldn’t get me working there in a million years.
A radio station. You want us to work in a radio station.
I’m Jerry Parker, program director here at KWOW. We are looking to expand into a younger demographic without losing our present audience and I think you could be just a presenters we’re looking for.
Oh, we are, w-we’re exactly what you’re looking for.
Great. And you’re being British you’ll retain the sophisticated image we want at this station.
Oh, yeah. We’re well sophisticated.
Yeah. You know, p-pip old fruit.
(chuckles) Now you’re British so I needn’t ask you this question. But you are familiar with the popular classics, right?
Oh, yeah. The popular classics. You know, Status Quo. Level 42. Right Said Fred.
Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Kajagoogoo.
Good one! Now, I was thinking more Elgar, William Walton, some Beethoven.
Oh, those popular classics! Right.
That won’t be a problem, will it?
For us? Oh, no, no, no. We’re British old man. You know, classical music is our heritage. It’s our lifeblood. You know, we grew up listening to Beethoven’s 1812 in our cribs.
No, no, no, no. It’s absolutely true.
Jo, shut up. I can bluff this guy. I do know a bit about classical music, you know.
It was Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture.
Personally, I’ve always preferred his Romeo and Juliet the symphonic version, naturally. The ballet version was a bit too superficial for my taste.
Exactly. So, so, you enjoy the Russian composers.
I quite like the riot spring, though. I always did say Leon Trotsky goes a long, long way.
Oh, then you’ll fit right in here, so can you start tomorrow say 11am?
Ah, excellent. Excuse me.
My dad was a classical music, nutter. He used to have his own used record store down the rock for market. I could bals before I could walk, Jon.
Not so much quiet. More pan simmer.
Now you’re just showing off.
‘Scuse me. Can I just get through there for a second? Sorry.
Yes, but you may know me as… the cloaked avenger!
Oh. Well, before your time, I expect…it was a big TV show in the 70s. Would you like an autograph photo?
No, no, no, no. Uh, you requested a pickup for your dog, uh, an hour’s exercise at 2pm.
Oh, yes. Of course. (standing up) I’ll get it. (He shows Rachel a dog named Cloak Girl) This is Cloak Girl! Of course, she’s not the original cloak girl. She was played by an actress, C.C. Walmier. C.C. gave me this, Cloak Girl, when she was just a puppy. Oh, C.C. was so beautiful. I asked her to marry me, then we had this silly argument over the width of some drapes. I went to Spain to do a Spaghetti Western…and I never saw her again.
Oh! She likes you. She’s barking.
Yeah. She’s not the only one.
Guys, we could easily raise this money if we can all just keep our jobs for one more week.
I can’t believe I got fired.
Fired? But you only got the job 3 days ago.
Mmm. I know. But it doesn’t matter, because I got a new job. Yeah. You know you are now looking at… (He shows them a green suit) Bradley McIntosh valet.
You mean polishing silvers and ironing newspapers and stuff?
No. Not that kind of valet. I’m the kind of valet who parks cars and I’m working at the new cafe goffi down at Santa Monica Boulevard.
So, why did the cinema fire you?
Over conduct oncoming an aser. Can you believe they stripped me on my blazer and my torch in front of all the other rushes and everything?
I told you to stop snogging Donna the projectionist, you muffin.
Yeah, but it wasn’t the snogging. They objected to me. It was the fact, it made Donna put the rose on in the wrong order. But mind you, it’s the first time Titanic’s about the happy ending. (giggles)
And that was the Polish Symphony Orchestra with Mozart’s Koechlin titled simply number 28 in C. Nice one, Wolfie. Next out, the Val D, but before we get to move over to the news.
They have been reporting nominee of possible… (reading continues)
Um, Mr. Parker. I was just polishing the windows, um, I don’t charge extra.
Aw, thanks. Jon, it’s 2 o’clock. I’m going out, so if anybody calls, tell them I’ll be back in an hour.
Yes, sir. Your radio station’s in safe hands. By the way, is your car radio still broken?
Excellent, I mean that’s just too bad.
…president today reaffirmed his position on… Oh, who cares? This is S Club 7 and “All In Love Is Fair.”
IJIntro: Jo
Mmm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Aye, aye, aye, aye, yeah, aye
V1Verse 1: Jo
First he said that he wouldn’t leave me
What a fool to believe that line
Just another one of his obsessions
To help to pass the time
Get it right, get it right, get it right
Don’t get it wrong
PCPre-Chorus: Jo
‘Cause if you want me
Get your ass on over here and show me
Stop wasting time
And if you need me
Get your act together, boy, and show me
You should be mine
CAChorus: All
All in love is fair, one of us will lose
Is it her or me? Is it me or you?
Who’s it gonna be, what you gonna do?
Are you over me? I’m not over you
V3Verse 3: Bradley
You gotta take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad
But don’t get mad if things don’t go the way you planned it
Just understand that real love is in demand
If you’re ready for commitment, girl, just take my hand
If you get lucky, love will be a cruise
There are so many roads which one you gonna choose?
But it’s a risk you know you gotta take
No messing, a choice you gotta make
There’s one cross you know you gotta bear
All in love is fair
CAChorus: All
All in love is fair, one of us will lose
Is it her or me? Is it me or you?
Who’s it gonna be, what you gonna do?
