Gordon quotes from Kitchen Nightmares

(after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Twice baked potato. Thank fuck I missed that one twice.

(finding frozen ravioli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravioli. Fresh? My fuckin' ass. I've eaten this shit!

(finding pesto) Oh, fucking hell. So that's the pesto I had for lunch. Just look at the colours in there. Look at that, it's mouldy.

This is ten thousand times worse than I thought it would be.

(to Peter) This is not a time - hey - to laugh and take a fucking piss out of me. I've eaten this shit. What's going on, Peter?

I've never done that before, close down a restaurant, but that was a fucking embarrassment. Seascape open? (slams closed sign over open one on sandwich board) Close the fucking place.

Look at that. What's that squashed into? Looks like it's been squashed into an ice cream cone. [The waiter hands him the funnel] ... Ah, right, that's his on top. Was the chef a mechanic?

(on the over-elaborate menu) You can't push an inherently-faulty concept. That's like shining a turd...absolutely futile.

Jesus.

Ohh, fuck.

My goodness me.

Mould everywhere.

The food's been in this fridge for so long, even the fridge is starting to get mouldy.

Look, just here. It's like mould caked on. This place hasn't been cleaned for years. Look, it's real mould.

It's been in that long, even the bottle's mouldy. This place is a health hazard. Mould is festering, so, potentially dangerous in terms of poisoning someone. This place can't stay open. The place is disgusting.

Maggots. Infested with maggots. Oh, God!

God, this guy (Michel) is fucking unbelieveable. You know, that's one thing being that bad, that's solvable, but being in complete denial throughout is extraordinary. I've never met such a fucking hard-arse stubborn motherfucker in all my life.

[walking out of the building after arguing with Michel] I've got to get some air before I do something I really regret.

Un-fucking-believeable. So that just proves and confirms how weak this guy is. He's not running this place, this place is running him, and is in need of a fucking serious clean. That is appalling.

The décor matches the clientèle. Drab, fuddy-duddy, and seriously old-fashioned. I feel like I've come to see my granny in a retirement home.

A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey, and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow fucking White?