Gordon quotes from Kitchen Nightmares

Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give.

I think, Pete, you've overestimated how good your pizza is. ... I did a little research in Denver. Here's the results in a nutshell. 75 percent of our taste-testers preferred pizza A from the top local Italian restaurant. In second place, with 15 percent of the votes, was a store-bought frozen pizza. And in third, and last position, was yours, with 10 percent ONLY of the votes. Yours was the least favourite, you're actually beaten by a store-bought fucking frozen pizza. Get the message?

[handing Mike a dish of lasagna] Okay, now into the microwave for four minutes--

Fuck off. Are you serious?!

You're good at taking orders, but you've got a brain. Use it.

When was the last time you went inside the walk-in fridge?

I had a hot flash last week.

A hot flash?! What does that mean?

I mean, I was like, hot and I walked in here for a second.

Can someone get me Tina, please? I need orange juice.

You want Tina to stop now and get you a glass of orange juice?!

Don't I have anybody that can get me orange juice?

Peter. Look at me. Fuck yourself.

With the doors about to open, Gordon gathers the staff for a quick chat.

Right, tonight is a critical, crucial night.

Are you with us? Or are you...

No, I'm just waiting for him (Peter).

Okay, but we're really busy right now.

Once again, Peter's has a bill collector on its doorstep.

(to bill collector) You are interfering, that's what I'm saying. Now get out of the way. Would you mind...

I'm interfering? You got to wait two minutes. I got to talk.

Get out of the way.

What?

Why don't you get out of the way so we can go on?

You get out of the way. Don't worry about it, I'm talking to him.

Why don't you go -- no, get out of the way.

(points to Peter) I want to talk to you.

I'm saying: Get away.

(to bill collector) Hey, who are you talking to? (begins to take off suit jacket)

I'm talking to you!

(tries to hold Peter back) God almighty! Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible, overlapping, drops his jacket)

(unintelligible, overlapping)

Oh, no! Relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible)

(gets in bill collector's face) Fuck off! Get the fuck out of here! Who the fuck are you?!

(still trying to restrain Peter) Relax! Relax! Dear, oh dear!

Who the fuck are you?! Fucking tough guy?!

(turns away for a second) Christ almighty...

(unintelligible, chases bill collector outside)

(notices what just happened) Oh, shit...

(trying to instigate a fight) Yeah, tough guy! Come on!

(being restrained by Robert and John) You fake little gangster! Come on! You fake little gangster! I'll hurt you, scumbag! YEAH, TOUGH GUY!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Stop!

(watching the bill collector walk toward his car) COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON! COME ON, YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME?! COME ON, I'LL PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Come out of the way, come out of the way.

FUCK THIS GUY!!! FUCK THIS GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE FUCKING GANGSTER!! YOU FUCKING BLOWJOB!! YOU'RE A FUCKING BLOWJOB!!!

Peter, you're embarrassing me.

Fuck this guy!!

Peter, Peter, relax.

Relax, relax.

Who the fuck is he to come in my fucking place?!?

Relax, relax, relax.

(still raging at the now-departing bill collector) Have my fucking cock, you scumbag! Yeah, tough guy! (gets right next to his car and knocks on the window) Right now! Right now! (bill collector drives away anyway)

Having discovered the terrible conditions in the kitchen, Gordon now ventures down to the basement to check out what's lurking below.

What's that smell?

What?!! (to Mohammad) What is that? Is that for rats or mice?

This is food for to catch a rat.

So we have got rats here.

Rat is all over the place.

That's rat droppings. Look at them all, everywhere.

Rats.

Rats. Oh my good God.

Look at the cockroaches.

Oh my God, look. I've got one in my fucking hair, that's cockroaches. The box is full of them.

Look, look at them all.

Oh my God, look. There they are, there in the refrigeration. Oh fucking hell. Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it. (to Mohammad) There you go, there you go.

(interview) I was shocked. It's like a nightmare.

(finds half a tomato) When's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. What is that --where is it-- hey madam, where's that tomato gone?

(digging through the slugs in the tomato) Look! It's fucking rotten, you fucking idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!

No, no, no.

So where is it?!!

(interview) Oh my god.

(interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

No-one is getting served from this fucking restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?

No.

No, good.

(interview) That didn't go down too well. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.

We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!

(interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.

(who can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO FUCKING FURRY CUCUMBERS, TO FUCKING RANCID POTATOES!!!

This place can be phenomenal. The location is extraordinary. This is a new start. You have to treat it as a new beginning.

Exactly. Of course.

I mean, in a perfect world, I would sacrifice one your managers to employ Vikas (Khanna). You cannot carry driftwood in your business. Out of the three managers (flashes to Martin, Khan, and Andrew), one has to go. (Martin glares at Gordon) Between you and I, Martin has an amazing way of manipulating you. And he is not worth his weight in terms of what he brings to the table.

(interview) Hearing Gordon Ramsay say that to Mohammad, that makes me upset and angry. The frustration just boiled over. (approaches Mohammad) Tonight, tonight, Mohammad, I've never used you. I've respected you. I'm proud of what we've done. I've never cheated you. And I take --

What's going on?

You're asking... for a manager to leave.

Come on.

I've had enough! Because, you have been insulting me? You've accused me of riding on his back!

Did you hear what I just said to him?

Martin?

So... (to Mohammad) Let him go. Go on. Get it out. Get it off your chest.

No, that you...

For the first time since I met you, show me that you're a man.

First, you accused me of riding on this man's...

Why are you pointing like that?

Because I'm angry, okay? You want to see passion? I'm giving you passion. This person (Muhammad), I've respected. And you have the audacity to accuse of, like, taking his money...

...riding off his back?

Riding off his back, is what you said. Well, that is disgusting. You don't have the right. You don't know that.

What about...

I have nothing to be guilty of.

You what?

Nothing!

You sat in it. (flashback) IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! (Martin simply looks at) (to Martin) Yeah, you ran it. You sat in it.

Yes.

You wasted it.

Yes. I wasted it?

You encouraged it.

It was always like, it spiraled...

You let it go to shit.

It spiraled out of control. And I asked you to come on board.

You're feeling guilty. I'm glad.

NOT GUILTY!

You're guilty.

Mohammad, I'm... NOT GUILTY! I'm not going to take this put-down anymore. I have nothing to be guilty of. Listen, this is my last night.

Who said this was your last night? I'm curious.

Yes, this is my last light. This is my last, tonight!

Please tell the owner, not me.

(to Muhammad) This is my last night. I'm out of here. I quit! (walks out)

Jesus Christ.

(interview) When Martin left, actually, I was shocked. I didn't expect he's going to go dead there.

(interview) I think Gordon Ramsay is full of shit. And I'm extremely angry and extremely pissed off. And now, I turn my back and walk away.

(interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!

How is that missed? How is that overlooked?

Someone-- the Dragons just...

Mike, that's what I'm saying.

I'm not sure what transpired.

(interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!

My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrassing.

You're overlooking extremely important things!

I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...

Well, why do you keep saying that?

(losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!

Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!

I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

(to Peter) You've got the nerves to tell me you clean the walls every fucking Tuesday? Touch — fuck off, will you - TOUCH THE WALL! You dirty pig! (to the others) This is disgusting! I'm closing it down. (to Peter) How many has booked?

About twenty.

Twenty - forget it. Get the place steam-cleaned from fucking head to tail. I don't care, but we're not cooking a fucking cookie out of here!

What's this crap here with calamari in a martini glass?

We're just trying to do presentation because the dishes we have suck.

"Suck"? I can't believe you'd be so fucking polite.

Okay, my pizzas will soon be in supermarkets.

What?!

I would love to franchise this, and have a "Sebastian's" all over the world.

Oh my god...

Just think how that sounds. "Sebastian's" all over the world. That makes me excited.

You haven't got fucking one right so far! How the fuck can you think about two? I need some fresh air, the guy's gone!

This guy is seriously off his fucking trolley!

(to the kitchen staff) I just won that one. I won that one.

What on earth is going on in his fucked-up, delusional mind?

Whoo! I won that one!

What happened?

He was giving me shit. I gave it back to him, and he was like, "Uh, yeah whatever," and-

(walks back into the restaurant) Sebastian! I just want a little word.

Listen, big boy. Right now, you've won jack-fucking-shit! You've got the audacity to stand there, talking to me about a franchise, when we can't even get a pizza right?

(interview) It took everything in me not to just, freak out. (to Gordon) I've been here two years. It may not seem like-

What have you got to show?

What have I got to show? I'll tell you what I've got to show. Pride! Pride!

You're delusional! You are so-

That's your opinion, sir. A lot of people feel that way about you!

(points at the dining room) What's successful about out there?

I'm still here.

That's what makes it successful? You've just answered my question. I'll see you later.

When I first arrived here, we got off to a shaky start. Then we kept our heads down and we got through it together.

Yeah.

And we made some really exciting changes. The menu's changed, the staff have changed.

Yes.

Mate, there's one thing that hasn't changed in this establishment, and that's you Sebastian. I'm 40 years old, and I have gone a lot of restaurants, but I've never...ever...ever...ever met someone I believe in as little as you. I think you will go back to your sloppy, shortcut, 5-out-of-10 frozen ways. Good luck. (Sebastian walks back inside) Unbelievable.

Un-fuckin'-believable.

Fuckin' useless.

You fuckin' kidding me? Fuckin' kiddin' me right now?! (pacing back and forth) This is MY FUCKIN' LIFE!!

Oh my God...

THIS IS MY FUCKIN' LIFE!

(interview) Honestly, I haven't seen Sebastian this emotional.

(interview) Sebastian just got real loud. He just changed like Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

(walks toward the back door) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?

That's pissed on his bonfire.

(leaving the restaurant) Fuckin' arrogant! Fuck that motherfucker! (to the production team) We're done! Get the fuckin' camera outta here! (approaches back entrance) Chef Gordon! (breaks the door open) Chef Gordon. Where the fuck are ya? Where are you?

I'm here.

You come into my restaurant?

Yes.

I'm just so fucking disappointed.

Wait. Don't shout at me. You're going to calm down?

Stop pointing your finger at me.

Are you going to calm down?

Are we going to speak like men? You're going to speak to me like a man?

You didn't listen to what I've told you.

You didn't listen to what I'm saying.

Did you hear what I've just told you?

I'm stepping away from you, because I don't want to be too close.

You ungrateful...

You have no idea!

Nasty, vindictive...

You have no fucking idea!

Joker!

Well, fuck you! (walks away)

That's it, is it? (follows Sebastian)

Yeah, it is it! You're very disappointing!

That was your second fucking shit performance tonight!

Are you fuckin' kidding me?! Your whole act is a fuckin' joke!

Anything else?

Your whole act is a fuckin' joke! You're a phony!

You shouldn't run like that.

Run like what?

Am I supposed to be scared now, Sebastian?

(shakes his fist) Come on, give me a break. I'm busting my ass in there. You tell me...

You what?!

Are you kidding me?

Let me tell you...

Are you kidding me?!

Let me tell you something...

You're telling me nothing! I'm done! I'm done!

There you go.

Yes. LOSER! (walks away) And I'm telling you one last time: you're a fuckin' dickhead!